5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

How do you feel about yourself? 

That’s definitely a loaded question for a lot of people. We often hear of the importance of building healthy self-esteem and self-worth, but it can be harder to put into practice than you expect. 

What’s the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?

Many of us have heard the terms self-esteem and self-worth before, but it’s not always clear what the difference between them is. They’re often used interchangeably, but they actually mean different things. 

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves in the moment. Self-worth, on the other hand, describes knowing that you are a person of value who has worth, no matter what your self-esteem looks like. Self-worth is a broader term and is generally more permanent than self-esteem, which can vary based on circumstance. Self-worth comes from within, whereas self-esteem comes from the world around you. 

Self-esteem is more temporary than self-worth. They don’t always relate to one another the way you expect they would. It’s possible to have high self-esteem and self-worth at the same time, but it’s also possible to have low self-esteem and high self-worth, or vice versa. Although they have some commonalities, each plays a role in the way we feel about ourselves. 

How can you have low self-esteem but high self-worth?

It might sound strange that it’s possible to have low self-esteem but high self-worth. However, since self-worth is a foundational belief that you are innately worthy, no matter what else is going on, it’s less easily influenced by external or internal factors. Self-worth is a core belief that you are worthy and have value. Even if you’re having a bad day or week, and your self-esteem has taken a hit because of your current circumstances, you still understand your worth and value as a person. 

Developing a healthy sense of self-worth can help you be more resilient in times of distress or change. When you understand that nothing can change the worth you have as a person, it can be a freeing feeling. 

It might be hard for you to believe that you have inherent value and worth, especially if you’ve been sending yourself the opposite message for a long time. 

What is it like when you have high self-worth?

People who have a high sense of self-worth are more likely to:

• Fundamentally believe that they are worthy and loveable

• Understand that they deserve love and respect

• Realize that being imperfect and making mistakes doesn’t take away from self-worth

• Treat themselves with self-compassion

• Show themselves kindness and respect

• Believe that they have the power to learn and grow

If you’re looking to improve your sense of self-worth, you might be wondering where to start. Here are 5 ways to improve your self-worth: 

Use positive affirmations

The way you talk to yourself matters. When you notice that critical voice in your head putting you down, try to overpower it with positive words toward yourself. Positive affirmations can actually help change the way your brain is wired and lead to shifts in beliefs. You can use this to your advantage and repeat affirmations about your self-worth to yourself until you’ve internalized the message. Here are a few affirmations to try: 

• I am worthy, no matter what. 

• I have value, just as I am.

• I am enough.

• I deserve to be happy.

• I am just as worthy as everyone else. 

• I am a kind and loving friend to myself.

• I am able to meet my own needs.

Understand your core values

When you know the values that are most important to you, it’s easier to make decisions and trust that the decisions you make are in alignment with what matters to you. Taking the time to get to know what values matter to you can let you get to know yourself on a deeper level. It’s easier to be nicer to yourself when you know yourself better. Even if you make decisions that don’t pan out, knowing that your choices come from your values can give you confidence that you’re on the right path. 

Advocate for yourself 

It’s hard to learn how to be your own advocate, especially when you’re struggling to feel good about yourself. It’s really powerful to stick up for yourself, though. When the opportunity arises, express your true feelings and opinions. Be your own cheerleader! Practicing this skill can help reinforce the belief that you are worthy and valuable. Treat yourself like you are valuable, and eventually you will start to believe it.

Build up your self-trust

An important part of knowing your self-worth is knowing that you can trust and rely on yourself. Give yourself opportunities to build up the trust you have with yourself. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not be perfect and make mistakes. Remember to speak kindly to yourself when building up self-trust. You probably wouldn’t trust someone who was a jerk to you all the time, right? So don’t be a jerk to yourself, because it will be harder to trust yourself. 

Avoid comparing yourself to others

Comparison really is the thief of joy. When you spend your time trying to find ways where you’re coming up short, you don’t have as much time to focus on your own internal world. Self-worth  comes from you and how you feel about yourself, not how anyone else feels about you. If you need to compare yourself to someone, compare your current self to your younger self. Remember that everyone has their own insecurities, and it’s human to feel envy from time to time. Try to examine what’s underneath that feeling and what needs you have that aren’t being met, then brainstorm ways to meet them for yourself instead of relying on someone else to do it. 

Are you looking for more ways to improve your self-worth? Working with a therapist can help you shift negative core beliefs that you have about yourself so you can enjoy the benefits of high self-worth. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

What Internalized Messages Do Your Still Believe About Yourself?

What’s an internalized message?

An internalized message is something we believe, unconsciously about ourselves. These messages and beliefs don’t come from within ourselves–while they may feel like undeniable qualities about ourselves, these internalized messages actually came from outside influences. They are the result of how we, as children, are able to interpret and understand the world around us, and the way we’re expected to behave in relationships. 

These messages then become core parts of our self view, how we’re unconsciously able to connect with and relate to others, how we navigate social situations and relationships, etc. These messages, when they aren’t explored and questioned, can muddle our true beliefs about ourselves, and lead us to believe we are less lovable,safe, and valued than we really are.  

So where do these internalized messages come from?

The internalized messages we have ourselves come from the foundational relationships in our lives.These would be our parents, guardians, other family members, early childhood friends, authority figures (teachees, church leaders,) etc. 

As we grow older and can understand our own and others complexities, we can start to see that while these messages came from influential people in your life, they are not always trying to communicate the message you’re understanding. What may be a normal exchange for an adult can be a foundational building block for a child. If your needs were neglected by your parents–even without malicious intent, but perhaps because of less fortunate circumstances–there’s a part of your brain as a child that takes that information and tries to understand it with what it knows. So it’s entirely possible that those negative beliefs you have about yourself are coming from that inner part of yourself that is still a child, asking for their needs to be met. 

For example: take this story, where a man internalized a fear of abandonment after his family took in a series of rescue dogs until they found “the one” that was right for their family. This series of events–while not intentionally–taught that young boy that it wasn’t safe to make quick connections with others or try to bond with them before they proved they would stick around. This of course wasn’t the family’s intention, and there were probably many factors that went into the constant shifting of the family-pet dynamic, but it’s a belief that boy learned and carried with him into adulthood because it was how he was able to understand and get through the circumstances he found himself in. 

What are common internalized messages we have about ourselves?

Unfortunately, when we internalize these messages about ourselves, we often fixate on negative messages. Things like: 

• Everyone is going to leave me

• I need to constantly prove my value so people will want to keep me around

• If I say the wrong thing, someone may stop loving me

• My body deserves to be punished/I should feel shame for my body 

• People will only love me if I can do something for them

So how can we begin to question/challenge those internalized messages?

The first step is recognition. What is it you’re believing about yourself right now? Can you identify what the message is?

From there, what is it about this moment that is making that message come up for you? Is there any evidence to support that the thought is true? (Ex. Is it really true that if you say the wrong thing, someone will stop loving you? Has the person you’re nervous about talking to given you any indication that this is true? Or is this a fear coming from somewhere else? 

If it’s coming from somewhere else, can you identify where that place is? Think on the feeling, what memories come up with it? Does the feeling you’re having right now remind you of a moment in your childhood? When is the first time you remember having this feeling?

The next step is to take that information and use it to challenge that feeling or belief or message whenever it comes up. Ask yourself: 

• Is there any information at this moment to support this negative belief I’m having about myself?

• Or is there a moment from my youth that made a “wound” that is being re-opened in this moment? 

It can be helpful to have a regular reflection process for moments like this, so you get into the habit of questioning those negative beliefs when they pop up.

Below are 8 journal prompts to help you explore and challenge the internalized messages you still have about yourself: 

1. What beliefs do I have about myself?

2. For each of those, what is the earliest memory of that belief? 

3. What feeling did it bring up as a child? How have those feelings translated into my adulthood?

4. What about this moment is pulling up that belief?

5. When is the first time I felt like this?

6. What did I need in that moment that I didn’t get?

7. Is there any evidence that my needs will be ignored or overlooked now?

8. Is there any evidence that this negative belief I have about myself is true in this new situation? 

If you’re looking for support as you work on challenging those negative internalized beliefs, therapy can be a great place to start. Contact us today and our expert clinicians can help. 

5 Ideas for Starting a Self-Development Practice

5 Ideas for Starting a Self-Development Practice

Are you someone who likes to improve yourself?

We all like to think that we’re the best versions of ourselves. Life is full of lessons, and as humans we’re always learning and changing. What was important to you 6 years ago is probably different from what was important to you 6 months ago. Our values shift, we gain more experiences in the world, and we learn more about ourselves along the way. Change happens naturally, but there are also times when people actively seek out changes in their lives in a self-development practice.

Life would be pretty boring if everything stayed the same forever. Wanting to work on self-development or improve yourself doesn’t mean that you’re not happy with where your life is right now. Sometimes that’s the case for people, but often people decide to work on themselves because they love and value who they are and want the best for themselves. 

When going down the road of self-development, it can be tempting to compare yourself to everyone else.

There’s always going to be someone who seems like they’re doing everything better than you - work, family, friends, romance, hobbies. Remember that what you’re seeing is the highlight reel. Most people hide the tricky parts of life on social media, so everything looks super easy and simple. Real life is complicated, and it’s okay. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else, even when you’re working on self-development. 

To help you avoid the comparison trap, try to keep in mind why you’re working on self-development. What is your goal? Working on yourself can help you:

• Learn new things

• Have new experiences

• Meet new people

• Live out your values

• Break bad habits

• Change the way you relate to people

• Work on regulating your emotions

Wanting to improve doesn’t mean you didn’t like who you were before. It can mean that you want to give yourself new experiences, you believe in your abilities, or even that someone inspired you to do things differently. Whatever your reasons, There are some simple steps you can take to start a self-development practice. 

Here are 5 suggestions for how you can start a self-development practice for yourself: 

Read as much as you can

Making time for reading can be a tall order these days, but reading is a major way to learn new things. With reading, you can experience different points of view, explore new concepts, and give your brain something to do besides endless scrolling. Whether you like to read books, magazines, newspapers, ereaders, articles, or something else, there’s something out there for you. When you spend more time reading, you also have less time to spend on things like social media or a Netflix binge. 

Be accountable for harm you cause

We all cause harm. We all make mistakes. That’s a part of life! We don’t all learn how to be accountable for the harm we cause, though. It’s tough to admit to yourself that you hurt someone or caused harm somewhere. Pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t help anyone, though. 

When a situation comes up where you don’t react the way you want to, own up to it. Apologize if you need to. Make a plan for how you’re going to prevent it from happening again. It’s hard to do this, but it gets easier with practice. It also gets easier when you remind yourself that even when you cause harm, you are still worthy, valuable, and lovable as a person. Doing harm isn’t great, but it doesn’t negate everything else that you are either. We all cause harm at some point or another, so try to lead with compassion, even for yourself. 

Practice self-soothing

Lots of us don’t learn how to make ourselves feel better in effective ways until fairly late in life. We all have moments where we’re in distress, but in those moments it is tough to know what will actually make us feel better. Teaching yourself how to self-soothe is a skill that will pay off over and over. 

There are tons of ways to self-soothe. Some people find movement really soothing. Others like to practice grounding techniques or use DBT skills to manage distress. Therapy can help teach you different ways to cope when you’re feeling distressed which you can then take with you into your everyday life and use as needed. 

Make time for rest

We all need to rest, and we often don’t make time for it until we’re totally burned out. Sleep makes a huge difference, but sleep isn’t the only type of rest there is. Taking time where you’er truly not doing anything is just as important as getting enough sleep. When you’re not getting enough sleep, your body and brain don’t have the chance to repair themselves and process things. When you don't’ make enough time for rest, you set yourself up for burnout and stress.

Practice self reflection

Part of improving yourself is being honest with yourself when things aren’t working. If there are habits or patterns that are no longer working for you, it can be hard to admit that you need to make a change. However, remaining in denial just means that you’re going to be stuck in the same patterns. It’s okay to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that things aren’t exactly how you want them to be right now. This can also give you a chance to explore 

Are you looking for more ways to improve yourself? Working with a therapist can help you learn more about yourself and your patterns so you can make changes if you want to. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

6 Things to Do When You Make a Mistake

6 Things to Do When You Make a Mistake

There’s an old saying that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes, but there are few more things we could add to that list. Making a mistake, for example, is something that everyone has to deal with, often many times. We’re human, and we’re learning as we go, and sometimes that means that things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. Mistakes are a part of life, and they can actually be a powerful teaching tool if you allow them to be. 

Part of why making a mistake is so hard is that they’re humbling. It can be hard to admit that you didn’t do something right.  For many people, the first response to hearing they made a mistake is a feeling of shame or guilt. Some people feel defensive when they realize they’ve made a mistake. Even when someone’s reaction is frustrating or not what you want it to be, try to imagine where they’re coming from. It’s painful to admit that you’re wrong. It can be embarrassing or make you question yourself. 

Remember, literally no one is perfect.

Everyone has done something that they’re not proud of or that they’d do differently if they had a chance. If you feel an intense wave of self loathing when you make mistakes, you might be dealing with some perfectionistic tendencies. While being perfect sounds fine on the surface, in reality it’s impossible, so expecting perfection is just setting yourself up for failure. Instead of setting yourself up to fail, remember that you’re human. You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. Even when that happens, you’re going to be okay. Mistakes don’t need to define you, especially when you use them as a learning opportunity. 

Mistakes are going to happen, so having a plan in place for what you’ll do when you make a mistake can help guide you through those painful moments. If you’ve made a mistake, here are 6 things you can do:

Own it

Denying what happened isn’t doing anyone any good. Nothing can be done about a situation until the situation is acknowledged, so the sooner you own up to the mistake the sooner you can make it right. Owning your mistake also allows you to take back some of your power. It can make you feel useless when you mess up, but deciding to own it can be empowering. Yes, you messed up. It’s okay for that to be true. It doesn’t make you a bad person to make a mistake. Once you realize that, it will feel easier to own up to mistakes in the future.  

Remember mistakes don't define you

As mentioned before, you aren’t a bad person when you make a mistake. We are all complicated, and seeing things in black and white is a cognitive distortion - or a pattern of thinking that isn’t true. If you find yourself feeling like making a mistake means you’re a bad person, try to notice and interrogate that assumption. Is that true? Or do you just feel bad or embarrassed? Feeling bad and being bad are two different things. Mistakes don’t define you, but the way you respond when you make a mistake is something that people will remember. Don’t get so caught up in feeling defined by your mistake that you react with defensiveness. 

Find ways to learn from it

There’s always something to learn from a mistake. Sometimes, it’s as simple as “Don’t do that again.” Mistakes teach us resilience and responsibility. They also reveal a lot about us in our response. What are you tempted to do in the wake of a mistake? Would that actually be helpful, or would that make things worse? Whenever something happens that’s a mistake, there’s a lesson to find. 

Listen to feedback from others without defensiveness

It can be hard to listen to someone explain that you hurt them or that you did something wrong. However, keep in mind that mistakes don’t make you bad. When you know that a mistake isn't something that changes your worth as a person, it will be easier to listen to feedback from others. It can be really intimidating to confront someone on a way that they hurt you or let you down. When someone has the courage to talk to you about something like that, practice active listening. Don’t listen to respond or defend yourself. Reflect on what they shared and how your actions made them feel. Listen for what they’re asking for from you. 

If you find yourself getting defensive at first, that’s pretty human. No one likes to be told that they did something wrong. However, you don’t have to stay in defensive mode when someone is giving you feedback. You can choose to move past defensiveness into listening. 

Challenge negative self-talk

It can be easy to dwell on negative thoughts like making mistakes. It can reinforce negative beliefs that you have about yourself, and it can be hard to notice when you’re talking to yourself in a negative way. When you do notice those critical, negative thoughts coming up about yourself, do what you can to challenge them. Are they true? Is it helpful to focus on them? How can you shift your inner dialogue to one that’s more compassionate toward yourself? 

Practice self-compassion

Above all, be nice to yourself. Life is already hard enough without being a jerk to yourself on top of it. If it’s too hard to be nice to yourself, pretend you’re talking to your best friend or a younger version of yourself. It’s pretty hard to be mean to someone you love and care about for something as human as making a mistake. Extend that compassion to yourself! 

Are you struggling with how to respond to a mistake? Working with a therapist can help you gain insight into why this may be difficult for you and give you suggestions for how to move forward into patterns that are more supportive in the future. Get in touch with our office today to get started. 

How (& Why) You Should Get Clear on Your Values

Why is it important to know our values? 

There are many reasons it’s important to know what your values are; but the biggest is that there is no one path that your life is supposed to follow. So knowing your values helps you to determine what that path should be for you. While there are a lot of social pressures to follow a specific path (go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, etc.) the path you’re on should be based on your values. That “traditional” path is good for some, and not the right fit for others, and there’s no right or wrong choice. 

Being clear on what your values are helps to make the process of making decisions easier. 

Because there’s really never a “correct” choice when it comes to what path your life can take, decision making can feel impossible, especially if you struggle with anxiety. It can seem like there is a lot riding on every decision!  When you can base your decisions on your values you can be confident you made the choice that aligns with how you want your life to look, even if you need to take corrective action later. 

Making decisions based on your values also helps to take the moralizing out of decisions–there’s no “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad” choice. It’s just identifying which choice fits best with your values! It’s alright if it’s a choice that doesn’t or wouldn’t work for someone else.  

And, it can help to ease anxiety when you’re in a new situation! 

Because even in situations where you are feeling anxious because you’re pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone, you can rest assured you’ve made a conscious, intentional choice to try and manage that discomfort, as it aligns with the life you want and the values you have. 

3 Ways to Get Clear on Your Values: 

Start with a list: 

One way to get clear on your values is to just start with a list of common values. That one linked is a list of the world’s most influential values–meaning the values that the majority of people globally identify as being the driving force(s) behind their behaviors. 

Look through the list of 56 different values–can you narrow it down to ten? Try not to overthink it–go through the whole list and circle a value as soon as it seems right to you, without thinking about how many you’re circling. Then, when you’ve gotten through the whole list, count how many you’ve circled. 

If it’s more than ten, see if you can narrow it down. Are there any that are similar? Are there any moments in your life where you’ve had to make a decision between one or the other? Which one and why? Think about what kind of person you want to be–what kind of individual, what kind of friend, what kind of partner, etc. Do any of the values you’ve selected contradict that? Cross those out. Continue this process until you get down to ten, and then count those as your (current) core values.

Think of a difficult time you got through: 

 How did you make decisions on what to do? What seemed most important and why?

Let’s say you were accepted into an academic program you want to participate in, but the cost of it means you can no longer afford to live on your own, or you will have to accept financial help from family. Here you have to consider which value is most important to you: education, or independence? And could one be achieved in another way?

For example, if independence is the stronger value, could you live on your own and do things like: take free online courses or local community classes, or listen to podcasts & read books on the subject you’re looking to further your education in? It’s a way to achive both that desire for independence without completely sacrificing a pursuit of learning.

Consider someone you admire: 

 Think of your friends, your partner, a relative, etc.  What drew you to them? What traits of theirs do you admire?

For example: Let’s say you have an aunt you always look forward to visiting. She has wonderful stories and always takes time to sit with you and talk, and you always leave wishing you could be more like her. 

Think about what it is about those visits that brings you so much joy. What about your aunt is exciting and admirable? What is it you want to be like? Does she have stories of all the friends she’s made or different places she’s visited? Maybe community and connection is one of your values. Does she push you out of your comfort zone? Perhaps the value there is adventurousness or curiosity. 

Remember your values can shift and evolve over time, so it’s important to check in with yourself about what you value. If you find yourself feeling unhappy or unsatisfied regularly after big decisions, it might be time to reconsider the values driving your behavior! 

If you’re interested in learning more ways to get clear on your values, working with a therapist can help give you the tools you need. Get in touch today to get started. 

6 Tips To Help You Feel Your Feelings

Do you have a hard time dealing with uncomfortable emotions? If you do, you’re not the only one! Uncomfortable emotions are, well, uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel good to feel uncomfortable, so it makes sense that we often go out of our way to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions. However, emotions serve an important purpose. When we avoid our feelings, we’re just opening ourselves up to more distress later. When feelings aren’t dealt with, they have a way of coming back even more intensely, and often at an inconvenient time. 

Emotions are messengers, but we usually aren’t taught how to decode the messages they are sending us. Even when you do understand what the message is underneath the emotion, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment when you’re feeling a distressing feeling. 

Emotions are important, which is why we have them. In fact, they can help us survive. For example, babies display their emotions to alert their caregivers that they need help, since they can’t take care of themselves. Emotions can help us make decisions and guide our behaviors, as well as influence the way we understand and communicate with others. 

So, how can you make it easier to feel your feelings? Here are 6 tips to help you feel your feelings: 

Identify + acknowledge what's going on

If you’re having trouble identifying what you’re feeling, try using an emotion wheel to pinpoint what you’re experiencing. We can’t feel our feelings if we don’t notice and acknowledge them, so this is an important step. As you get more practice, it will be easier to identify what emotion you’re feeling and notice it as it pops up. 

Sometimes, you might get caught up in whatever the emotion is before you realize what’s going on. When that happens, take a pause and a deep breath. Naming what you are feeling gives you more information on how to deal with the emotion moving forward. You’ll also learn how to spot patterns in your emotional responses, which can be helpful. 

Do a body scan

Where are you feeling this emotion in your body? Is there anywhere that you notice is more tense than usual? Do you feel hot or cold anywhere? Are there any sensations that you notice? Are you experiencing any pain? 

Checking in with how your body feels when you’re emotionally activated is a helpful way to get back into the present moment. When we’re in the middle of our feelings, it can be hard to be focused on what’s happening right now. Scanning your body and taking note of any sensations can help you identify where you experience emotions in your body. This can also be another way to identify your emotions when you’re having a hard time naming them. 

Validate what you're feeling

Feeling validated is powerful, even when you validate yourself. It feels good to acknowledge that what you’re feeling is okay and that there’s nothing wrong with you for having feelings. Sometimes we start judging ourselves and jumping to conclusions before taking some time to reflect and see that it actually makes sense that we feel this way. 

Another aspect to this is to give yourself lots of compassion. The world is already tough enough, you don’t need to be mean to yourself on top of it. How would you treat a friend going through what you’re going through? You’d probably be supportive, understanding, and kind. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. You deserve compassion. 

Do what you can to reassure yourself

We all need reassurance from time to time, and especially when we’re feeling emotionally vulnerable. Do what you can to reassure yourself that things will be okay. It might even help to tell yourself something like “I’m here now, and I'm not going anywhere,” or “It won’t always feel like this.” We all need to have people on our side, and that includes being on our own side. Try to be the calm, adult voice of reason that your younger self needs to hear. 

Give yourself options

When you’re feeling emotionally activated, it can be hard to remember what can help make you feel better. It can be helpful to make a list of things that make you feel safe in advance so you have options when you're in the thick of your feelings. 

This could be as simple as keeping a note on your phone of things that soothe you in intense moments, or things that have helped you regulate your emotions in the past. You can even go as far as to make yourself an emotional distress toolbox. A toolbox could hold items like a meditation exercise, a candle or essential oil with a calming smell, fidget toys, grounding objects, or pictures of people and places that make you feel safe. When you’re feeling your feelings, take a look at the options you’ve prepared yourself ahead of time and see if that helps you as you process your emotions. 

Talk to someone

One of the hardest things about talking about your emotions is the sense of shame that they can bring up. Shame is a particularly uncomfortable feeling to deal with. Shame can result in pushing feelings away when it comes up to avoid the pain of confronting it. When you feel shame, it might feel like you can’t speak about it, because that brings up all those bad feelings and body sensations. 

However, shame thrives on keeping it to yourself. When you share your feelings of shame with others that you trust, shame loses its power. Seeing others treat you with compassion when you share what you feel ashamed about can help motivate you to be that compassionate to yourself. 

You can talk to anyone you trust and feel safe around, like a friend, a family member, a spiritual advisor, a mentor, or even a therapist.

If you’re interested in learning more ways to regulate your emotions and cope with your feelings, working with a therapist can help give you the tools you need. Get in touch today to get started. 

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

Have you ever tried to keep a journal?

It can be a hard practice to keep up. And it can feel intimidating to start! If you’ve been on Pinterest or Instagram in the past few years, you’ve surely seen some bullet journals–a huge new trend in the world of journaling! 

Bullet journaling is meant as a mindfulness practice, and a method of rapid journaling dependent on shorthand so it can remain simple and easy to understand at a glance. However, the trend has taken off massively, especially amongst creatives, who have taken the basics of the bullet journal and made them much more elaborate or decorated records of their day to day life. 

This method of bullet journaling can be intimidating to start with. It requires a lot of forethought to figure out how you will lay out your month’s pages, what you want to keep track of, etc. So it’s easy to start out with big ambitions, and eventually get overwhelmed. 

But bullet journaling isn’t the only option out there for a regular, mindful journaling practice. And, it’s better to pick a method that can easily fit into your existing routine, until it becomes a habit for you. Eventually you may like journaling so much you might want to take all of that time to set up your pages for the month ahead! But until you know that will fill your cup, try to give yourself a more accessible goal for a beginner. 

Here are 5 tips for first time journalers getting started: 

You don’t have to have a paper journal: 

While it’s always nice to take a break from screens, and having a physical paper journal can help you ground yourself in the present moment, if you don’t want to go out and buy one before you’re a constant journal-er you don’t have to! You can keep a journal in your phone, in a notes app, or on your laptop in a blank word document. 

Give yourself some “rules”: 

Forming a daily journaling habit can seem daunting at first. You might think, what will I write about every day? What if I can’t think of anything? That’s why it can be helpful to have some sort of guide of what you want to get in your journal. Maybe you write one thing you struggled with, one thing you enjoyed, and an update about something in your life. That’s three quick sentences and you can say you’ve written in your journal that day! It doesn’t have to be those questions, pick ones that work for you. You can use those “rules” for what to write about everyday or just days when you can’t think of what to write! It’s totally up to you. 

Schedule it into your day: 

Leaving your journaling practice for “whenever you have time” will quickly turn into you never having time to journal. So pick ten minutes of your day, and block them off in your calendar. Those are your journaling minutes! It can be whenever works for you, but make sure you commit to including it in your schedule. 

Don’t be afraid to try new techniques: 

There are a lot of journaling techniques out there that people have written all about. If one style of journaling just feels frustrating and fruitless, allow yourself to let that style go! You’re not obligated to journal the same way forever, just because you tried it once. Follow your own needs, and give yourself permission to try different styles until you find one you like.  

Pair it with something you enjoy: 

Journaling shouldn’t always feel like a chore. As you’re getting started it might feel a little chore-like, but as the habit develops it should be something you enjoy! Treat it like something special; maybe you have some fancy chocolates you can pair with your journaling habit, or make yourself a warm cup of coffee to savor as you reflect on your day. Make journaling a pleasure! 

If you need some extra support in figuring out how to start your journey of self care and self reflection, we can help. Contact us today! 

Reaffirming Your Covid Boundaries

Welcome to the New Year! 

As we enter 2022, it’s a good time to take a moment to pause and reflect on your boundaries. We’re still in a pandemic, so boundaries are something that have been shifting and changing for all of us over the last two years.

It’s natural for boundaries to shift and change over time.

And it’s not a sign that the boundary isn’t working or hasn’t served you. But as time goes on, much of our lives change! Even if we don’t notice it, as it happens gradually day to day, we’ve changed a lot in a year. And as we change, we need to consider which of our habits and boundaries are serving us, and which we should let go of. 

And, as Covid cases rise and fall, it’s important to know where your boundaries are, so you can make choices based on your own feelings of comfort and safety, and not based on what you think others want you to do. 

When was the last time you reconsidered your pandemic boundaries? You probably do it without noticing day to day, when you decide where you need to mask up, and where your risk is lower. But it’s always a good idea to take some time to really intentionally reflect on your comfort levels and what will make you feel safe as we continue to navigate this pandemic. That way you can feel confident when you need to communicate and enforce them, because you’ve taken the time to really understand your needs. 

Questions you can ask yourself to reflect on your Covid boundaries:

• What are the cases looking like in my local area?

• What are the recommended precautions in my area?

• How many people do I intend to see on a regular basis?

• Do I know (in general) how many people they interact with daily?

• Do I know who of my social circle is vaccinated? 

• Will I be around anyone who cannot get vaccinated?

• Do I have underlying health risks I need to be concerned about?

These are all questions you’ve probably asked yourself before. But taking time to sit with them again as circumstances change throughout the pandemic can help ease anxiety, as it’s a way for you to take control of what you’re able to, when so much else is out of your control. 

Now that we’re so deep into the pandemic, some of our boundaries are becoming more relaxed, so it can feel tough to reinforce firm boundaries.

It can be so hard to go back to strict boundaries after relaxing them a bit, especially if you worry it will offend your loved ones. But not sticking to your boundaries can make it even harder to enforce new ones when you need to. While it may be uncomfortable it’s important to communicate that your boundaries are not up for negotiation. 

If you need help figuring out how to word your boundaries as you communicate them, you can find examples here! 

If you need support setting and communicating your boundaries, we can help. Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!

Making Big Life Decisions In Scary Times

We’ve heard the word “unprecedented” a few too many times in the last two years. But what we’re living through right now is scary and unpredictable–most of us have not lived through something like this before. So we’re all having to learn as we go, adjust to new normals every few months, and be gentle with ourselves as we learn. 

But this uncertainty makes decision making, and making big changes really, really scary! Think back to March of 2020–at first we thought covid was something we could get under control with just a few weeks of quarantine. But now, we’re in a totally different place that many of us couldn’t predict way back at the start of this. 

There has been a lot of putting things on hold during the Covid pandemic. Events like weddings or festivals have been canceled and rescheduled and postponed, and have altogether been pretty hard to plan for, because the waves of the pandemic are hard to plan for! So how can you even go about making big life decisions in scary times like this? When at the start of the pandemic it seemed like putting off things like switching jobs or trying for a baby or buying a house made sense, we’re now almost two years into it and we have to start reevaluating whether we’re really serving ourselves by continuing to put our lives on hold until “after” the pandemic. 

Give your gut a chance to talk

What’s your initial instinct when thinking about whatever decision you’re trying to make? What do you imagine first? Explore that fantasy a bit. Let your gut tell you what your dream scenario for the next phase of your life is. If you keep coming back to one thing, even if you can’t articulate why, that’s probably your intuition trying to talk to you! Your instincts are stronger than you know, give them a chance to speak before overthinking every part of your decision.  

Explore your motivations

Why do you want to make this choice? Is it truly what you want, or are you feeling pressure to do it? Is it not what you want, but it would solve a problem for you? Is there another way to solve the problem? Are you just looking for any change, and you think this will do? Take some time to sit with why you want to make the choice you want to make. Explore what that’s telling you about your current situation, and what you want in the future. 

Get a snack and sleep on it

You’d be surprised at the effect hunger and sleep deprivation can have on your mood, your emotions, your stress tolerance, your problem solving skills, etc. Sometimes when a big decision comes up and it feels like life or death, we might just be at a point where we’ve pushed ourselves too far. No one decision will “make or break” you, you don’t need to carry all of that pressure! Take stock of how you’re feeling about your choices when you’re overwhelmed, and then: get something to eat and get a little rest. Come back rested with more energy and see how you feel then. 

It doesn’t have to be right forever, it just has to be right, right now

Lots of us put so much pressure on big life decisions because we try to imagine how that choice will impact the rest of our lives. Now for some things that’s true–things like having a baby will definitely change your life drastically from now, until the end. But other things aren’t so permanent. You can change jobs, and in a couple of years you might realize that job actually isn’t for you. Just because you decided it was right for you when you took it, doesn’t mean you’re locked in forever! We change and grow all of the time, and often in ways we could never have predicted. That’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s something to nurture. You are constantly becoming a newer, truer version of yourself. If that means changing your mind somewhere down the line, that’s okay!  

Make peace with what this choice takes away

Let’s say you’re switching jobs. While on the one hand you’re entering a new environment, maybe a new field, learning new skills and meeting new people (all exciting things!)–you also do have to say goodbye to some things. Your old job, the trajectory it had for your overall career, the opportunities it may have brought you, etc. It’s okay if it’s hard to say goodbye to something that doesn’t serve you anymore. You can feel sad about what you’re leaving behind, even when you know it’s the right choice. Take time to truly consider what you will need to say goodbye to, maybe even write a letter to those things. Let them know what they meant to you, how they helped support you to get to this point where you could make a change. 

Make the choice based on where you are now, not where you wish you were:

It can be scary to make big life changes, so the idea of waiting for the “perfect” time is obviously appealing! And to most of us, the perfect time to make a big change in our lives is not in the midst of a global pandemic. But we can’t wish our way out of it, and we can’t predict when it will end. So imagining all of your decisions as post-pandemic choices just keeps you stagnant, and possibly, unhappy. When making these big decisions, don’t think to yourself, “well if there was no pandemic…” because, awful and difficult as it is, there is a pandemic. As much as we all wish we could move on and never have to think about the pandemic again, as of right now adjusting to living with it and finding a new normal is our daily life. Accept that the perfect circumstances might not come, but that you deserve to seek out the life you want even in imperfect times. 

If you’re looking for more ways to gain confidence and feel empowered by the decisions you make, our counselors can provide a safe and compassionate space for you to explore your needs and what’s getting in the way of meeting them. Get in touch today to get started! 

Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

 Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

It’s no secret that life for the past 18 months have been a lot different than any of us could have imagined. When life is scary or confusing (or both!) it can seem like it will go on like this forever. We’ve now spent the better part of 2 years putting our lives on hold because of the pandemic, which is still raging on. Tensions seem to be at an all time high. We’re all sick of the way things are, and we’re all trying to deal with it in our own way. Gone are the days when we all baked bread and stayed home - we all have had to find ways to move forward in this new reality, and that can be exhausting. If you’re feeling tired or numb right now, you’re not alone. 

When life is overwhelming, it can sometimes seem like there’s no point to anything. There is a sense of overwhelming hopelessness that can get out of control quickly. While there are plenty of things to be confused or concerned about right now, it is possible to still feel a sense of purpose.

Finding meaning can look different for everyone. Some people find meaning through creativity. Others use religion to make meaning of the world around them. Many people find meaning in their communities or in nature.When life is scary, restoring your sense of purpose can be a deep comfort. 

If you’re looking for ways to find meaning in life right now, here are 5 ideas: 

Join a community

Humans are social creatures. We are wired for connection! When things get tough, community can be a valuable resource for support. It might not be as easy to join an in-person community right now, but there are many options out there for virtual communities. Try local Facebook groups or Meetup groups. If there are any causes out there that are important to you, look into joining a community focused around that. Working together with other people who care about something as much as you do can go a long way to restoring your faith in humanity. 

Explore your values

When was the last time you explored what’s important to you? Values are what we consider to be important in life. Everyone’s values are different. Some people value privacy, and others prefer to share. Some people value promptness, and others are chronically late. There are a million different values that we can have, but it can be a helpful exercise to make a list of values that are especially resonant for you. Your values may shift over time, and that’s okay! Change is natural. That’s why it’s helpful to explore your values every so often, so you know what is important to you. Understanding your values can help you make decisions, come up with goals, and manage uncertainty. 

Try acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. For example, you might feel frustrated that you’re caught in a rainstorm. But spending time being frustrated that you’re soaked doesn’t do anything to change the fact that it’s raining. Accepting that it’s raining doesn’t mean you approve of the rain - it just means that it’s happening. When you stop struggling against something, sometimes it has less power. Instead of spending your time focused on what is bringing you distress, what would shift if you accepted it? 

It’s also important to note that acceptance doesn’t mean that nothing will ever change or improve. Acceptance just means you’re not struggling against reality. To follow the rainstorm example, acceptance doesn’t mean that it will rain forever. 

Check cognitive distortions 

Sometimes what your brain tells you is not the truth. We all deal with faulty thinking sometimes, but it can be distressing when we don’t realize it’s happening. When you notice yourself thinking in extremes or having distressing thoughts, take a moment to check your thoughts for cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that aren't true, but that we believe. They can sneak up in a number of ways - “should” statements, all or nothing thinking, personalizing minimizing, jumping to conclusions, and discounting the positive are just some of the ways that cognitive distortions can show up. Remember, thoughts aren’t facts! 

Get to know yourself

Have you gotten to know the new you? We’ve all changed over the last year and a half, and many of us are still getting to know these new versions of ourselves. Crisis and chaos can lead to shifts in the way that we interact with the world and with ourselves, so take some time to explore what’s changed for you over this time. Are your values the same, or have they shifted? Do you have the same friends? What’s been meaningful to you over the past 18 months? 

Some ways to get to know yourself better are to journal, go to therapy, get an assessment, practice mindfulness, and try new things. 

As mentioned above, people find meaning in all sorts of ways. Spiritual practices or religion may help you find the meaning you’re looking for. Other people find meaning out in nature or spending time outdoors. What makes you feel inspired and curious? Follow that thread to find meaning. 

If you’re still struggling to find meaning when life is scary or confusing, therapy can be a great option. A trained therapist can help you find insights and solutions that work for your specific situation so you can get back to feeling like your old self again. Get in touch today to book a session.