The Psychology of Fresh Starts: Embracing Change in the New Year

How do you feel about change?

Some people feel strongly about change - they either love it or hate it. However you feel about it, change is inevitable in life. Whether it’s big changes, like moving to a new place, or smaller changes, like your favorite restaurant shutting down, we have to deal with changes all of the time. 

With the start of a new year just a few days away, it’s a good time to think about your relationship with change. 

Why is change so hard?

Change is hard because change is intertwined with grief. A lot of people don’t realize that change plays a big part in grief. Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death or loss, but . Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” 

One of the hardest things about grief is adjusting to the new, changed reality. When things change, even for positive reasons, like getting a new job or becoming a parent, it takes time to adjust. The conflicting emotions that you feel as you adjust to the change are often uncomfortable or confusing. 

Our brains sometimes try to resist change, as a way to keep us safe from those feelings of grief that accompany change. 

Change can also be frightening. Change can represent the unknown, which can be scary to contemplate. Change can also be a reminder that we don’t have as much control as we like to think. Realizing that we can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, can feel vulnerable or unsafe.  It’s hard to deal when you’re not sure what’s coming next. 

Change also often disrupts our routine, which can be distressing. Our routines, whether they’re conscious or not, bring us comfort, and it’s upsetting to have that interrupted. 

Even when you’re excited about change, you might deal with uncertainty, anxiety, or regret. You might wonder what life would be like if the change weren’t happening, or if you made the right choice. All of these feelings can be overwhelming. 

However unpleasant change may be at times, it’s also not often helpful to avoid change. When you avoid change, it can backfire, or lead to its own complications. Avoiding change can cause people to stay in stressful situations, for example, which can have serious effects on wellbeing. 

So, what can you do to feel more comfortable embracing change in the new year? Here are 6 tips:

Make a plan

If you know that a change is coming, make a plan for how you can take care of yourself during the period of change. If you’re dealing with an unexpected change, make a plan for how you can move forward now. Some things that may help with making a plan are writing lists, doing a brain dump in your journal, talking it over with friends, loved ones, or a therapist, and looking for advice from others who have gone through something similar. Having a plan in place can help with resilience, it helps you be as prepared as possible and can guide you in moments when you’re struggling. 

Work on acceptance 

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s going on. It just means that you stop fighting reality, which can add to your distress. Trying to fight change just uses up a lot of energy that you could use on helping yourself feel better. See if you can work toward accepting this change, instead of causing distress for yourself by fighting it. It might be helpful to consider the positive aspects of the change that you're dealing with to help you work toward acceptance. 

Feel your feelings 

Feeling your feelings sounds so simple, but it’s actually a process that a lot of us struggle with. Some feelings are uncomfortable, and it’s natural to try to avoid discomfort. Feelings need to be felt, though, to move past them. The only way out is through. 

Stick to your routine as much as possible

As mentioned earlier, one of the hardest parts of dealing with change is dealing with the impact it has to your routine. To try to minimize that impact as much as you can, stick to any parts of your routines that you can. Make sure you meet your own needs and practice self-care - take your meds, get enough to eat, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body, and connect with others as much as you can. 

Watch out for cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are negative patterns of thinking. They can keep you stuck in believing negative and untrue thoughts, and contribute to your distress levels. An example of a cognitive distortion is catastrophizing, or seeing the worst in every situation. Consider if any of the thoughts you’re dealing with are cognitive distortions, and if they are, work to reframe them so they don’t control you. 

Lean on your support system

When things are hard, it’s the perfect time to call in extra support from the people who care about you. Asking for help can be uncomfortable at times, but remember that everyone needs help sometimes. You’re human! Opening up to the people who care about you can help you find solutions, feel validated and heard, and remind you that you’re not alone.  

Are you having a hard time coping with change? Working with a therapist can be a way to expand your support system and help you build resilience to change. Get in touch today to get started. 

Managing Racing Thoughts That Keep You Awake

What are racing thoughts?

Have you ever been trying to fall asleep, but your thoughts just wouldn’t stop? One minute you were sleepily dragging yourself under the covers, and the next your heart was pounding and your thoughts were racing and your breaths were coming in short and quick?

Racing thoughts aren’t uncommon–we all deal with them from time to time. Some people experience them during the day, but often our daily routines and responsibilities and the general business of life keeps our minds occupied more naturally. 

At night however, suddenly your brain can’t shut off, you’re feeling all of that stress you didn’t have time to focus on during the day all over again without anything else to occupy your mind. Now, maybe even more so because now you have the added stress of not being able to fall asleep when you need to. This can also make your racing thoughts feel impossible to fight against–you want to sleep so you just lay there, but then just laying there gives more opportunity for your thoughts to race. 

What does it feel like to experience racing thoughts? 

When your thoughts are racing, it feels like an endless spiral you can’t get out of. Any attempt to end your thoughts just leads you down a new avenue for more spiraling thoughts, and on and on and on. 

There’s a physical response as well: pounding heart, increased sweating, and breaths coming in short, quick bursts. Your body is basically in a stress response, which puts it on high alert, making it physically harder to get back to that feeling of sleepiness. 

Why do racing thoughts happen?

Racing thoughts can be a symptom of a larger mental health concern such as: 

• Anxiety or Panic disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• ADHD

If you’re experiencing racing thoughts chronically, take time to talk to your therapist and doctor, because there may be a larger issue to be addressed with medicine or therapeutic treatment, or both. 

But chronic conditions aren’t the only things that cause racing thoughts. Other things that can influence the frequency of racing thoughts at night can include: 

• Times of high stress: If you’re struggling in your relationship, navigating family, financial or professional stress, trying to juggle the stress that comes up around the holidays, spikes in your stress levels can precipitate an increase in racing thoughts as you’re trying to sleep. 

• Big transitions: A new job, moving, ending or beginning a relationship, beginning parenthood, etc. can all bring on major stress, which can in turn bring on the racing thoughts. 

• Some medications: If your racing thoughts began around the time you’ve started a new medication, it’s good to bring it up with your prescribing doctor. 

• Caffeine consumption: try to avoid caffeine after 6pm, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda/tea too close to when you go to bed can stimulate your brain and make it harder for you to fall asleep. 

What to do when your thoughts are racing: 

Mindful breathing practices:

Practicing mindful breathing helps both to calm your body as it slows and steadies with your breath, but it also helps you to reroute your thoughts away from the spiral and into the present moment. Some mindful breathing exercises you can try are: 

• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, release for 8 seconds, and repeat. 

• Box breathing: breathe in, hold breath, breathe out, hold breath, repeat. 

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Breathing from your diaphragm, inhaling as fully and slowly as possible, exhaling and repeating. 

Get up and do something (then go back to bed): 

There is nothing else for your mind to latch onto when you’re trying to go to sleep, so it’s easy to get trapped in racing thoughts.If mindful breathing doesn’t help slow your body and mind down, pick something small to get out of bed and do. Get something to eat, a glass of water, read a chapter of a book, do a few stretches. Give your mind an opportunity to get tired, then get back in bed and go back to your breathing exercises to help sleep come faster. 

Establish better sleep hygiene:

Create a routine that helps you slow down your thoughts and relax your body before bed. Adding a few minutes of calming stretching can help slow and deepen your breathing and allow your body to relax and it can also help you practice mindfulness which will in turn help you manage racing thoughts in the future.

Explore the root cause and long term treatment options with your therapist:

Whether you’re going through a period of high stress or a big life transition, getting curious about what is prompting your racing thoughts in therapy can help you better learn how to manage them. Or, if a more chronic condition is at the root, they can help guide you through the next steps for treatment. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you address and resolve your racing thoughts. 

I'm Dreading My Next Therapy Session, What Now

Therapy is a wonderful, vulnerable and sometimes difficult process. 

It can be incredibly rewarding to go through when you commit to the process, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. There is a lot of vulnerability involved in learning to trust your therapist, and building a relationship where you can spend intentional time talking about your fears, things you feel ashamed about, skills you want to work on to improve the relationships most important to you, conflicts you wish you showed up better in, etc. 

It takes a lot of bravery and a lot of patience with yourself. You might say something you’ve never shared with anyone, or bring up something you’re particularly sensitive about, and your therapist might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. 

Sometimes, even if you’re doing great work and you typically leave therapy with a new understanding of yourself (no matter how small), you might start to feel a little dread come up at the thought of going to your next session. 

If that feeling comes up, it’s important to take a step back and get curious about it. Your initial reaction might be to cancel it, but before sending your therapist a text or an email letting them know you “can’t make it” ask yourself a few questions to make sure that’s really what is best for you. 

When did this feeling start?

Was there something that came up between your last appointment and now? Was there something you didn’t handle well and don’t want to talk about? Or, was there something said in your last appointment that made you feel unseen, unheard, or abandoned in some way? While obviously never the intention, therapists are just human and might respond incorrectly once in a while. It can be extremely beneficial for the relationship to address and explore it–and doing so in therapy can give you practice in a safe space for when similar conversations need to take place in your day to day life.  

Where in your body are you feeling this the most?

When your feelings are so strong, it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling. But our emotions don’t show up just in our minds, and learning how to connect the body sensations you’re experiencing to your feelings can help you decipher what is happening for you and what you need. For example, maybe you get nauseated when you’re anxious, or feel a certain type of headache when you’re frustrated. If you can identify what it is you’re feeling, you can use your next appointment to explore it–where it’s coming from, how it’s showing up, what you and your therapist can do to prevent or address it in the future, etc. 

 How often does this feeling come up?

Having the occasional feeling of not wanting to go in and do some hard emotional work is not a red flag in itself. Modern life is very busy, and it does take a significant amount of energy to show up in therapy, not to mention the logistical time it eats up. If you’re having a super busy week where it feels like there’s not enough time to get everything done, of course you’re going to wish there was one less thing on your plate. Or maybe you’ve had a couple unexpected expenses, and you’d rather save a little bit of money this week. 

But, if you’re constantly feeling dread before going to your appointment, there could be a deeper issue. You might not feel the safety you need with your therapist to get into the work that would help you the most. Depending on why there’s a lack of safety for you, it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to address the issues with your therapist, or let them know it’s time for you to move on and find a better fit for your care needs. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

End of the Year Toolkit: 9 Blogs to Help You Make It to January

We’re in the final stretch of 2023. But the end of the year rush can be some of the most stressful few weeks of the season. While it can be a time of togetherness and generosity, it’s also a time that requires more from us, socially, financially, and emotionally. 

This is our end of the year tool-kit; all of the blogs we’ve written that can help get you through the last few weeks. 

To help get ready for family gatherings:

Family parties and traditions can be some of our favorite moments of the holiday season, but that doesn’t mean they come without their own set of worries. Because holiday events are often big parties, you’re likely to be in close quarters with not just the family and loved ones you’re close to, but some you have some rocky relationships with as well. 

Taking a little time to prepare for those encounters can help reduce your anxiety about them overall, and allow you to focus on what you can control. You can find ways to both care for yourself and your needs, and make time to be with those you care about. 

Read: How to Gently Set Boundaries With Your Family or: 5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

To help manage seasonal depression: 

Winter is a tough time for a lot of us. The days are shorter and colder, we don’t want to be outside as much, and with the darkness falling so early in the day, it’s normal for us all to slow down a bit during winter. 

But when does it go from slowing down in a slower season to something to be concerned about? 

Read: 4 Signs That Your Funk Could Be the Result of Depression or: Self Care for Days You Can't Get Out of Bed

Give yourself the gift of self kindness this season:

Because we can be under so much stress in the final crunch of the year, and we’re often faced with awkward conversations with people we only see once a year at holiday parties, it can be easy to fall into self criticism during the holidays. 

Taking time to build in some body neutral practices and preparing yourself to slow down can help you offset that slide into criticism. 

Read: Keeping Peace with Your Body During the Holiday Season and: 4 Ways to Accept a Slower Pace in the Winter Season

To get ready for the new year: 

Whether you’re a new year, new start kind of person, or someone just looking to get to January so the holiday season will be wrapping up, we’ve got something for you! And, as the COVID rates are surging again, it never hurts to revisit old boundaries for managing your health. Use the new year as an excuse to reaffirm them. 

Read: 4 Ways to Deal with New Year Overwhelm or: 8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in the New Year and Managing Covid Anxiety in the New Year

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!