What It’s Like to Discover You’re Neurodivergent as an Adult

Have you ever wondered if you’re neurodivergent?

In the last few years, there has been a growing awareness around neurodiversity and how some brains work differently than others. This increased understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent has helped many people realize that they themselves are neurodivergent and to seek a diagnosis later in life. 

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent means to have a brain that works differently to what is commonly considered “normal”. If that seems like a broad definition, it is. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of different experiences and conditions, including:

• ADHD

• Dyslexia

• Dyscalcula

• Sensory Processing Disorder

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

• Bipolar Disorder

• Schizophrenia

• Misophonia

Neurodivergent people may experience differences in the ways they process or express information; sensory differences; communication differences; memory differences; sleep differences; eating differences; emotional differences; and time perception differences, among others. 

Why late diagnosis is common

While some people are identified as neurodivergent in childhood, for others it isn’t until they’re adults. This is known as late diagnosis, and there’s a variety of reasons why it happens. 

One reason why it may seem like more people are neurodivergent these days is because historically, neurodivergence has been under-recognized and underdiagnosed, especially in groups that have been marginalized. 

Late diagnosis of ADHD and autism has been especially common with women and those assigned female at birth, often because these conditions can present differently in different genders, which can make diagnosis trickier. Sometimes the signs of neurodivergence were written off as personality traits or other mental health disorders like depression. Neurodivergent people also learn early on to mask, or hide, their symptoms by mimicking neurotypical behavior so they can blend in and not be seen as different or weird. Masking is a self-preservation technique that helps neurodivergent people blend in with everyone else, so they’re not singled out. 

Not being diagnosed until later in life can seriously impact a person’s self esteem and overall mental health. Many neurodivergent folks grow up recognizing that something is different about the way they move through the world, and this can lead to internalizing the idea that there is something wrong with them. 

With the recent increase in awareness and education about neurodivergence, more people have been able to spot symptoms in themselves and advocate for a diagnosis. 

What you may feel after late diagnosis of neurodivergence

If you’ve been diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life, you will likely feel a wide range of emotions, including: 

• Relief at finally having an explanation for lifelong struggles, as well as feeling seen and validated.

• Grief of mourning the past and wondering how life might have been different with earlier support or intervention. 

• Anger and frustration about feeling let down by a system that failed to listen to you or recognize your neurodivergence sooner.

• Confusion & Doubt and questioning whether your diagnosis is "real" or if things are really bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, or doubt that this time the diagnosis is accurate, when they haven’t been in the past.

• Hope that finding new tools, self-acceptance, and better self-understanding will help you improve your overall well-being.

How late diagnosis can impact your life

Finding out you’re neurodivergent as an adult can impact every area of your life. It might answer questions you’ve had about yourself for a long time and raise other questions about how to move forward. 

Finding out you’re neurodivergent can help you understand why you’ve struggled in the past at work, in relationships, with your mental health, and with your self-perception. Late diagnosis can help you advocate for yourself more effectively, especially when seeking accommodations. When you understand why you might have a harder time with something, it can help you communicate your needs more clearly to others. In addition, you can start to explore your identity and self-worth outside of neurotypical expectations. 

So, you’re neurodivergent. What comes next? 

If you find out later in life that you’re neurodivergent, you might be wondering how to move forward with that information. You’ve probably known that something was going on for a while, maybe even as far back as you can remember, but you’ve also learned how to mask your symptoms and blend in with neurotypical folks. It can take time to unlearn what you’ve had to learn to get this far in life. Here are some things that can help:

Learn about neurodivergence

Learning more about what it means to be neurodivergent can be validating and affirming, and help you feel less alone in your experiences. Look into books and podcasts that discuss the neurodivergent experience, and explore online communities to find resources and connection with other folks who get it. 

Explore accommodations 

Understanding how your brain works differently can help you advocate for accommodations for yourself. Explore accommodations and adjustments that other people with your diagnosis find helpful. Searching in online forums related to your diagnosis can help you learn from the lived experience of others who share your diagnosis. For example, if you struggle with sensory difficulties, explore how others have adjusted their spaces to be more sensory-friendly. If you struggle with executive function skills, explore tools that are designed to support your executive functioning.  

Practice unmasking & self-acceptance

Allowing yourself to unmask can be incredibly powerful. When you unmask, you can drop the neurotypical expectations that are around you and embrace your authentic self. The way your brain works is beautiful, even if it’s different from what’s considered “normal”. There are many, many benefits to having a mind that works differently, from creativity, to spotting patterns, to finding solutions to problems. See if you can identify some areas where your neurodivergence gives you an advantage, and remember those when you’re struggling. 

Seek community

It can be incredibly healing to connect with other late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults. Online spaces, local support groups, and advocacy organizations can all be good places to start when looking for other neurodivergent people to connect with. The validation of hearing “me too” and realizing you’re not alone is priceless!

Work with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist

Neurodivergence is different for everyone, and personalized support can help you after late diagnosis. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help you learn more about how your brain works, explore accommodations, and practice self-acceptance without having to worry about being judged. 

Are you looking for late diagnosis support as a neurodivergent person? Our neurodiversity-affirming therapists in Virginia, Maryland, and Washington DC can help you embrace your neurodivergence as part of who you are. We also offer neuropsychological evaluations if you’re looking to find answers. Contact us to find the option that’s right for you. 

11 Blogs to Help Practice Skills Needed for Self Love

Self love is a constant series of practices. 

It is made up of things like learning to care for your physical, mental, social, and emotional needs. It involves learning to give yourself compassion and curiosity, to treat yourself with kindness, and challenges you to show up as your most authentic self–asking for what you need and being clear about how you feel. 

None of these things are easy because most of us aren’t taught how to do them, and are instead taught to repress our needs and ignore our feelings. But the more we learn to practice them, the easier they become for us, and the better we can show ourselves love and care. 

While February is usually a month honoring romantic love, we’re taking some time to spotlight the hard work that goes into self love, and providing a roundup of tools to help make the various practices of loving ourselves easier. 

Tools to help you practice self compassion: 

Quieting Your Inner Critic by Living your Values

“Your inner critic is that voice in your head telling you that you’re not doing things right or that you’re not good enough. This voice puts you down, demeans you, and can make you question your judgment or decision making and doubt yourself–if you can’t do anything right, how can you know that you can trust your decisions? This is where your values come into play.”

Read more on how learning to identify and live in accordance with your values can help you quiet your inner critic here.

What Internalized Messages Do You Still Believe About Yourself?

“...while they may feel like undeniable qualities about ourselves, these internalized messages actually came from outside influences. They are the result of how we, as children, are able to interpret and understand the world around us, and the way we’re expected to behave in relationships. 

These messages then become core parts of our self view, how we’re unconsciously able to connect with and relate to others, how we navigate social situations and relationships, etc. These messages, when they aren’t explored and questioned, can muddle our true beliefs about ourselves, and lead us to believe we are less lovable,safe, and valued than we really are.”

Read more about where internalized messages come from, and how you can work to explore and change them here.

6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

“Simply put, self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option.”

Read more about what self compassion is and how to practice and cultivate it here.  

Self Kindness: Why it Matters & How to Cultivate It

“Refusal of self kindness can be a sort of survival technique–if you have a history of being emotionally neglected or abused, being mean to yourself first may have been your route to survival. Once you’re out of an environment where that protects you, however, it begins to erode rather than strengthen your emotional safety and connection to others.”

Read more about what self kindness means, why it feels hard and how to practice it here. 

Tools to help build your sense of self worth:

5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

“Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves in the moment. Self-worth, on the other hand, describes knowing that you are a person of value who has worth, no matter what your self-esteem looks like. Self-worth is a broader term and is generally more permanent than self-esteem, which can vary based on circumstance. Self-worth comes from within, whereas self-esteem comes from the world around you.”

Read the full blog for more on what self worth is and how to practice cultivating it here.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“But it isn’t just us that [comparison] it harms. Too much comparison can also be damaging to your relationships. When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.) It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationship.”

Read more about how comparison holds us back and how we can learn to resist it here. 

How to Practice Reaching Out After Self Isolating

“The only way to heal our loneliness is by connecting with others–but like many unhelpful patterns, loneliness can become familiar, and the threat of the unknown can feel greater than the threat of loneliness. And the longer we self isolate, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. We feel shame at how long it’s been since we reached out, or fear that our loved ones will be upset with us–or worse, have no desire to have us back in their lives now that we’ve been out of them for so long. All of these things make it harder and harder to break out of self isolating once you’ve begun.”

Read more about why it becomes hard to ask for help when you need it, and how you can practice small things to make it easier for yourself here. 

Tools to help you practice caring for yourself: 

How to Tell the Difference Between Avoidance and Self-Care

“Sometimes, doing something can be avoidance in one context and self-care in another. For example, if you have a deadline coming up to apply for a program, it’s probably not productive to spend all day playing video games. Those actions keep you from doing what is on your mind. On the other hand, if you’ve just finished up a big project and need to blow off some steam, playing video games can be a perfect outlet.”

Read the full blog and learn to practice telling the difference between avoidance and self care here. 

3 Tips for Cultivating A More Positive Relationship With Yourself

“The word relationship calls to mind our connections with others–with romantic partners, with friends, family members, coworkers, neighbors, etc. But you have a relationship with yourself as well–and it’s the longest relationship you’re ever going to have! That alone makes it worth it to spend intentional time reflecting on your relationship habits and where you want your relationship with yourself to go.”

Read more about why it’s important to work at a more positive relationship with yourself and how to do it here. 

5 Practices for When You Feel Off and Don't Know Why

“When we’re not feeling good, the best thing to do is to tend to whatever it is that’s causing it. But when we don’t know why we’re feeling off, it can be hard to figure out what self care practices would be helpful, and which would be nice but ultimately ineffective in helping you address the problem. 

While much of self care relies on regular habits–refilling your prescriptions, taking your medication, feeding yourself with food that nourishes your body and soul, making intentional space for relationships, finding joyful and gentle ways to move your body, taking dedicated time outside of your comfort zone, etc–we can still do as needed self care in addition to all of these wonderful habits when we need a little extra care and intention.”

Read more about why it can be hard to figure out what you’re feeling and how to practice it here. 

How to Make a Coping Skills Toolbox

“However you cope, it can be helpful to make a coping skills toolbox to use when you’re upset or emotionally activated. Keeping a dedicated container with some helpful items and reminders inside can make a big difference when you’re having an unpleasant emotional experience. Everyone is different and copes differently, so the suggestions we have for a coping skills toolbox are just a jumping off point.”

Learn more about what a coping skills toolbox is and how you can build one here. 

If you’re looking for more support as you develop more skills to practice self love, a therapist can help suggest skills that fit your needs. Contact us today!

Group Therapy: What Therapists Want You to Know

Have you ever considered group therapy?

Many people have an idea of group therapy as something that is awkward or ineffective, but many people actually find it to be a helpful source of support. Group therapy can be effective on its own as well as in conjunction with individual therapy. 

When you think of therapy, you might automatically imagine sitting in a room, one-on-one with a therapist, but that’s not the only style of therapy that can be helpful. Like individual therapy, group therapy is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing, and it has many benefits to consider. 

What is group therapy?

Group therapy is what it sounds like - a small group of people, usually facing similar challenges or circumstances, who meet regularly with a therapist to share experiences, offer support, and practice new coping strategies together.

Unlike one-on-one therapy, where the focus is solely on you and your personal struggles, group therapy provides you an opportunity to connect with others, hear new perspectives, and realize that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing. While it may feel unfamiliar at first, the support, community, shared understanding, validation, and insights you gain from a group setting can be deeply healing and transformative.

What are the benefits of group therapy? 

Group therapy can be a gathering of people talking about their problems, but it’s also more than that. It’s a structured, therapist-facilitated space designed to help you heal, grow, and learn. 

These are some of the benefits of choosing group therapy:

Guidance from a professional

Therapy groups are typically led by a licensed therapist who ensures a safe, respectful, and supportive environment. Group therapy facilitators provide psychoeducation about the challenges that members are experiencing, and teach coping skills that can help members navigate those challenges more effectively. Whether it’s strategies to manage distress, tools for improving communication, or insights into emotional regulation, group members receive expert guidance throughout the process.

Connection and validation

One of the most powerful aspects of group therapy is the realization that you are not alone. When you’re struggling with your mental health or a challenging situation, it’s easy to feel isolated and even hopeless. In a group setting, you’ll meet others who have faced similar challenges and can relate to your experiences. You’ll hear stories of things that helped them, and things that didn’t. You may even find your sense of hope restored as you hear from people who have gone through what you’re going through. It’s incredibly reassuring and uplifting to receive support and validation from people who have been where you are. In addition, the connections you build in a group can help you feel more confident in connecting with others in the future. 

Lowering shame and stigma

While it’s becoming less taboo to discuss mental health struggles, many people still feel a sense of shame for what they’re going through. Group therapy helps normalize mental health challenges, which can help lower the sense of shame you feel. When you see others openly discussing their struggles, it becomes easier to acknowledge your own without judgment.

It’s often more affordable 

One great thing about group therapy is that it’s often more affordable than individual therapy while allowing you to access professional mental health support. For those who may not be able to afford weekly one-on-one therapy sessions, group therapy can be a more financially accessible way to receive guidance and support.

Offers new perspectives

Members of therapy groups gain insight, not only from the therapist, but also from each other. You will hear perspectives that you may not have considered before, and you’ll get to hear how others have navigated challenges similar to yours. Learning how others have approached similar situations can be eye-opening and inspiring. 

Builds confidence

Learning how to talk confidently in a group of people is a great skill that will help you outside of the therapy group. In addition, group therapy can help you improve your social skills in a safe, non-judgmental setting, so you can feel more confident interacting with others outside of therapy. 

Provides accountability and motivation 

It can be very helpful to find a source of accountability and motivation when you’re trying to heal and grow. Having a group of people who are rooting for you and who can help you stay on track with your goals can make a huge difference, especially in how you feel. Some people find it motivating to have updates to share with the group.

What happens in a group therapy session? 

We often hear about people who are hesitant to join a therapy group because they don’t know what to expect. While every group is slightly different, most follow a structured format designed to create a safe and productive environment for all members, no matter what the focus of the group is. Most group therapy sessions consist of some combination of the following:

• Introductions and Check-Ins: Sessions often begin with introductions, as well as a check-in where members can share how they feel or provide updates since the last session.

• Discussion Topics and Exercises: The therapist may introduce a specific topic, such as coping with stress, setting boundaries, or improving self-esteem, and guide the group through discussions or exercises. 

• Sharing and Reflection: Group members will have the opportunity to share experiences, thoughts, and feelings (though if you’re not comfortable sharing, you’re never forced to). 

• Closing and Takeaways: The session may end with reflections, takeaways, or goal-setting for the week ahead.

Common misconceptions about group therapy

These are some of the most common misconceptions that we hear as therapists about group therapy (and why they shouldn’t stop you from trying group therapy):

It Will Be Awkward

Yes, the first group you attend might feel a little awkward, but that can be true of any new experience! Group therapy facilitators are trained to create a welcoming and supportive environment, and many people quickly find that their initial discomfort fades as they get to know the group and become familiar with how the process works. 

I Have to Talk to Benefit

While sharing during group therapy can be beneficial, it’s not a requirement, and you can benefit even if you don’t share. It’s pretty common for new members to listen in the beginning and gradually become more comfortable contributing. Even if you don’t speak much, you can still learn a great deal from hearing others’ experiences and the therapist’s guidance.

It Won’t Be Confidential

Confidentiality is a cornerstone of all therapy, especially group therapy. Just like individual therapy, group members are expected to respect each other’s privacy and maintain confidentiality about what is shared in sessions. Facilitators set clear guidelines to ensure a safe and secure space, and if you have any questions or concerns, it’s okay to bring them up. 

People Will Judge Me

It’s very natural to worry about being judged, especially when you're struggling with something as personal as your mental health. Remember that most people in group therapy are experiencing similar challenges and are there to heal and not to judge. In fact, you may find that the therapy group is one of the most understanding and accepting spaces you’ve ever been in, because everyone can relate to one another. 

Remember—healing doesn’t have to happen alone. In group therapy, you can find connection, support, and the reassurance that you are not alone on your journey. If you’re interested in joining a group therapy session, we offer two therapy groups, a Young Adult Process Group and Empowerment Process Group for Women in Their 30s. Contact us to learn more!