Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

 Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

It’s no secret that life for the past 18 months have been a lot different than any of us could have imagined. When life is scary or confusing (or both!) it can seem like it will go on like this forever. We’ve now spent the better part of 2 years putting our lives on hold because of the pandemic, which is still raging on. Tensions seem to be at an all time high. We’re all sick of the way things are, and we’re all trying to deal with it in our own way. Gone are the days when we all baked bread and stayed home - we all have had to find ways to move forward in this new reality, and that can be exhausting. If you’re feeling tired or numb right now, you’re not alone. 

When life is overwhelming, it can sometimes seem like there’s no point to anything. There is a sense of overwhelming hopelessness that can get out of control quickly. While there are plenty of things to be confused or concerned about right now, it is possible to still feel a sense of purpose.

Finding meaning can look different for everyone. Some people find meaning through creativity. Others use religion to make meaning of the world around them. Many people find meaning in their communities or in nature.When life is scary, restoring your sense of purpose can be a deep comfort. 

If you’re looking for ways to find meaning in life right now, here are 5 ideas: 

Join a community

Humans are social creatures. We are wired for connection! When things get tough, community can be a valuable resource for support. It might not be as easy to join an in-person community right now, but there are many options out there for virtual communities. Try local Facebook groups or Meetup groups. If there are any causes out there that are important to you, look into joining a community focused around that. Working together with other people who care about something as much as you do can go a long way to restoring your faith in humanity. 

Explore your values

When was the last time you explored what’s important to you? Values are what we consider to be important in life. Everyone’s values are different. Some people value privacy, and others prefer to share. Some people value promptness, and others are chronically late. There are a million different values that we can have, but it can be a helpful exercise to make a list of values that are especially resonant for you. Your values may shift over time, and that’s okay! Change is natural. That’s why it’s helpful to explore your values every so often, so you know what is important to you. Understanding your values can help you make decisions, come up with goals, and manage uncertainty. 

Try acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. For example, you might feel frustrated that you’re caught in a rainstorm. But spending time being frustrated that you’re soaked doesn’t do anything to change the fact that it’s raining. Accepting that it’s raining doesn’t mean you approve of the rain - it just means that it’s happening. When you stop struggling against something, sometimes it has less power. Instead of spending your time focused on what is bringing you distress, what would shift if you accepted it? 

It’s also important to note that acceptance doesn’t mean that nothing will ever change or improve. Acceptance just means you’re not struggling against reality. To follow the rainstorm example, acceptance doesn’t mean that it will rain forever. 

Check cognitive distortions 

Sometimes what your brain tells you is not the truth. We all deal with faulty thinking sometimes, but it can be distressing when we don’t realize it’s happening. When you notice yourself thinking in extremes or having distressing thoughts, take a moment to check your thoughts for cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that aren't true, but that we believe. They can sneak up in a number of ways - “should” statements, all or nothing thinking, personalizing minimizing, jumping to conclusions, and discounting the positive are just some of the ways that cognitive distortions can show up. Remember, thoughts aren’t facts! 

Get to know yourself

Have you gotten to know the new you? We’ve all changed over the last year and a half, and many of us are still getting to know these new versions of ourselves. Crisis and chaos can lead to shifts in the way that we interact with the world and with ourselves, so take some time to explore what’s changed for you over this time. Are your values the same, or have they shifted? Do you have the same friends? What’s been meaningful to you over the past 18 months? 

Some ways to get to know yourself better are to journal, go to therapy, get an assessment, practice mindfulness, and try new things. 

As mentioned above, people find meaning in all sorts of ways. Spiritual practices or religion may help you find the meaning you’re looking for. Other people find meaning out in nature or spending time outdoors. What makes you feel inspired and curious? Follow that thread to find meaning. 

If you’re still struggling to find meaning when life is scary or confusing, therapy can be a great option. A trained therapist can help you find insights and solutions that work for your specific situation so you can get back to feeling like your old self again. Get in touch today to book a session. 

Self Care for Days You Can't Get Out of Bed

Have you had one of those days where you just can’t seem to make yourself get out of bed?

Just like our physical health, our mental health can wax and wane. Some days we feel better than others. And some days we feel awful and the thought of even trying to get out of bed feels like too much. 

Is self care really that important then?

Short answer? Yes! 

Long answer: there is a difference between self care and self soothing. Self soothing might be what you think of when you first hear the term “self care” but they are actually different! Self soothing is about providing comfort and soothing to yourself in the moment, whereas self care is about proactive care for yourself that actually has a noticeable impact on your life. Self care would be things like getting proper sleep, feeding yourself at least 3 times a day, staying hydrated, refilling your prescriptions, getting outside etc. 

This means that self care, while crucial to our health, is not always fun. Which means that it might be hard to get yourself motivated to get up and do it on those days that you just can’t seem to get out of bed. 

So how can you take care of yourself on those days?

Be gentle with your morning routine:

What is your usual morning routine? Do you have one? If it’s elaborate, it might make getting out of bed hard. On days like this, don’t commit yourself to the whole routine–that’s signing yourself up for way too much right at the start of your day, and you will need to ease in a bit. Instead, prioritize what really needs to be done, and just do those things, and be slow and gentle with yourself as you get them done. For example, do you need to make your bed today? Do you need to shower? Or can you let yourself skip those things today in exchange for getting something to eat, and moving to the couch instead of the bed?

Find an accountability/encouragement buddy:

If you know someone else in your life also struggles in this way sometimes, they may be a good person to pick! No matter who you pick, it needs to be someone you trust and are comfortable being a little vulnerable with. This accountability buddy will be someone you can call or text on days like this when you can’t get out of bed, and they can offer you some external support. That could be gentle encouragement, or coming up with something for you to do to get you out of bed. You can brainstorm a list of things they could suggest (go for a walk around the block, go get a glass of water, open the blinds, etc.) so that you know it won’t be more than you can handle!  

Have something to tend to: 

If you have a pet, while it can be hard to get out of bed, you might find that eventually the pet can make it impossible to just stay in!  You need to get up and feed them and get them water because they can’t tend to themselves–and often they won’t leave you alone until you do get out of bed to tend to them! 

If you’re not ready for the commitment of a pet (not everyone is! It’s a lot of work!) you can get something lower maintenance that still requires care like a plant. With a plant you still have something living to tend to, without as much responsibility. You still need to check on it, give it water, make sure it gets sunlight, etc. It can also be a nice way to make sure you’re getting enough sunlight too, since making sure your blinds or curtains are open to allow more light into your home on a regular basis. 

Keep water + snacks on nightstand

Get in the habit of filling a glass of water and setting it on your nightstand before you go to bed. Then when you get up, even if you can’t make yourself get out of bed, drink the entire glass of water. This accomplishes both: hydrating yourself and, eventually, making you get up out of bed because eventually you will need to use the bathroom. It’s also a good idea to keep something easy to munch on in your nightstand–something like granola bars that are high in protein. Then, you can make sure you’re nourishing yourself even if you can’t get out of bed. 

If you're looking for more support managing depression, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

How Affirmations Can Help You Be Kinder To Yourself

How Affirmations Can Help You Be Kinder To Yourself

Are you nice to yourself? 

If you’ve never actively noticed the way you talk to yourself in your head, you might be surprised. You might think that you don’t send any kind of strong messages to yourself, but you may just not be tuned in. When you start noticing the things you say to yourself, you might find that you’re pretty hard on yourself. 

If it makes you feel better, it’s not all your fault! We live in a society that is constantly trying to sell us something, so it’s a marketing tactic to make you feel negatively about yourself, and unfortunately it works. It can also be hard to talk nicely to yourself if you’ve experienced trauma or abuse. Some people find that it can be really hard to think nice things about themselves - they feel that they don’t deserve it on an intrinsic level. 

The truth is, what you think matters. Your thoughts influence your reality by creating an energy and perspective that shape your actions. Positive affirmations can help you develop a more positive perspective that leads to more positive actions. Endless negative self-talk creates a negative energy that can lead to negative actions. Whether you notice or not, the thoughts that you think influence the way you see the world. 

One way to fight against negative self-talk and be kinder to yourself is to use affirmations. 

What are affirmations?

An affirmation is an assertion or declaring that something is true. Affirmations have gained popularity recently for being a helpful piece of the self-care toolkit, but people have been using affirmations for a long time. Basically, affirmations are facts or ideas, that you then declare to be true about yourself. They can be positive or negative. For example, an affirmation can be “I am deserving of kindness.” or “I’m so annoying.” When you use an affirmation, you repeat the phrase or statement over and over to yourself. When the thought is negative, that can lead to feeling pretty badly about yourself. When an affirmation is positive, though, it can be a game changer. 

To use affirmations, you just pick a few phrases you like, and repeat them to yourself often. You can set reminders on your phone or calendar so you get in the habit of saying your affirmation at certain times of the day. You can try saying it to yourself in the mirror when you brush your teeth, or stick it next to another daily habit so it’s easy to remember. You can keep a list of affirmations on your notes app, on a sticky note, in your journal - wherever it’s easy for you to access. It might seem weird at first, but they work! 

Affirmations are like a cool little mind hack - you can talk your brain into believing something.

Research shows that using affirmations can essentially reprogram your mind. Instead of sticking with your old patterns of negative thinking and self-talk, affirmations teach your brain to make new connections. Getting into the habit of using affirmations can also help you get more familiar with the patterns in your day to day thoughts. When you notice what’s going on, you can do something to change it. 

Another great thing about affirmations is that you get to choose them. There are so many things about life that we can’t control and can’t change. One thing we can control is how we think. If you find negative thoughts and assumptions creeping in, you can choose to engage with them or not. You can decide to think about positive things to try to shift that negativity. 

We live in a world that is full of scary, uncertain things. What if you could count on one thing, always - that you would treat yourself with kindness? The certainty that you will always be kind to yourself can go a long way to making you feel more confident. You deserve to be treated with kindness, especially by yourself. 

If you’re looking to start using affirmations, here are 25 affirmations to help you be kinder to yourself:

1. I unconditionally love and accept myself. 

2. I forgive myself. 

3. I am enough. 

4. I am a person deserving of respect. 

5. I deserve to be treated with kindness. 

6. I am worthy of respect and acceptance, especially from myself. 

7. I know my worth. 

8. I am allowed to take up space. 

9. I choose not to criticize myself. 

10. I unconditionally respect myself. 

11. I am loveable and I am loved. 

12. I am capable and courageous. 

13. I deserve love, compassion, and empathy.

14. I have the courage to create boundaries. 

15. My thoughts and feelings are important. 

16. My mistakes don’t define me. 

17. I deserve to have fulfilling relationships. 

18. My life has meaning beyond what others think of me. 

19. It is a joy to get to know myself.

20. I deserve to be listened to. 

21. I do not have to be perfect all of the time. 

22. I am allowed to be flawed and worthy of respect. 

23. I am more than my negative thoughts.

24. I am proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished. 

25. I respect and love myself, and that will never change. 

If you’re looking for more support to change your mindset, our clinicians can help you on the journey to being kinder to yourself. 

Helpful Tools for Managing Adult ADHD

We’ve talked about ADHD a bit before on the blog; both how it presents in adult women, as well as lesser known signs of it to watch out for. So we know that ADHD can present in multiple ways, and that the experience of living with ADHD will vary from person to person. And, as we’ve said before, there is more than one type of ADHD: 

“The most well known type is hyperactive/impulsive, which includes the “classic” symptoms mentioned above. This type is more common in men. Another type of ADHD is inattentive, which is more common in women and girls. The last type is a combination of the first two types. Hyperactive/impulsive ADHD can look like fidgeting, interrupting, constantly moving, restlessness, talking a lot, mood swings, and impatience. Inattentive ADHD can look like trouble focusing, forgetting, disorganization, and lack of attention to detail. ”

When it comes to treating and coping with ADHD symptoms, it’s important to take into consideration your specific experience with ADHD. While some general tips may be helpful for a large number of people, they might not be specific to you. Don’t get discouraged if one thing doesn’t work, it might just be the wrong coping mechanism for you. 

Many of the common signs we typically associate with ADHD are ways it presents in children. They aren’t all exclusive to kids–there is overlap between how adults experience ADHD symptoms and how it shows up in kids–but it’s good to remember that it may show up differently in adult life than in childhood.

Some common signs of ADHD include: 

• Constantly fidgeting

• Talking without waiting for their turn

• Short attention span or easily distracted

• Being forgetful or misplacing things

• Interrupting

• Unable to sit still

• Constantly talking or moving around

• Seems unable to follow instructions

• Acting without thinking of consequenceSwitching from task to task frequently

Some lesser known signs which may occur more frequently in adults can include: 

• Hyper focus

• Time management difficulties 

• Emotional sensitivity

• Sleep problems

• Difficulty controlling emotions

• Low tolerance for boredom

• Impulsive shopping

So, what can you do?

The first thing is, if you believe you have ADHD, you should seek diagnosis and treatment. If you are currently working with a therapist, this would be great to bring up with them! They can help come up with a treatment plan or refer you to a psychologist who can conduct an evaluation for ADHD or a psychiatrist who can prescribe appropriate medication for you. They also would have insight on what coping strategies may benefit you the most if they already have a history of working with you. 

Working with a therapist and a psychiatrist or obtaining a ADHD evaluation can help get you a diagnosis as well as a treatment plan including medication and therapy. However, if you have already been diagnosed, and are already working with a therapist or psychiatrist to manage your ADHD, you still may need some extra support now and then. That’s where coping strategies and tools come in handy! While treatment and medication can help lessen the intensity and disruptiveness of any symptoms you may have, these tools can help you manage what does still come up for you. 

Here are tools many adults with ADHD find helpful in managing their symptoms: 

Calendar/planner: 

Having a calendar or a planner allows you to both keep track of what you have when, as well as break things down into smaller, more manageable tasks. If you need something to be physically in your line of sight in order to remember to do it, having a physical calendar or planner can be helpful. If having lots of clutter around just means you’re really good at ignoring sticky notes or reminders, a digital version that sends reminders to you automatically might be a better option! 

Pill organizer: 

Not sure if you took your medication today? Weekly pill organizers can help keep you on top of it so you make sure you take your meds every day. As long as you can remember to fill the organizer weekly (or monthly–they do make monthly versions) you will have an easy way to be sure you take your medications every day. And if you know you’ll struggle to remember to fill it, you can set  a recurring alarm on your phone or in your calendar to remind you when it’s time to refill! 

Task manager

There are a lot of task management tools out there! One may be just right for you. Consider what the hardest part of staying on top of all of your tasks is. Is it remembering what they are? A simple to do list task manager can help with that. Is it remembering all the steps you need for each? Maybe find a task manager that lets you break things down into smaller tasks. Is it remembering when things need to be done by? Find one that lets you set due dates and reminders! Or, if all of that seems to be too much, try at least organizing your tasks into to-do lists. They can help give you a clear idea of “this is what needs to be done and this is when it needs to be done by.” 

A decluttering habit

When things start to pile up, it can get overwhelming to try to deal with them. Have a filing system in place for papers so you can have some sort of decluttering routine to deal with it before it gets too overwhelming. For example, you can go through mail daily and decide what needs to be: gotten rid of, filed away, opened immediately. Then every week just file your stack of papers where they go. This sort of system helps you stay on top of what needs to be done by reducing clutter and keeps you organized proactively. 

Automatic payments

It can be hard to keep track of bills. If you’re able to do so, having automatic payments set up will take the stress of it away. Your payments will just go through every month, you’ll get a receipt emailed to you for your files, and you never wonder if you’ve paid a bill on time again.  It also helps to go paperless and reduce clutter and mail sent to you, which can help keep you organized in the long term! 

If you’re interested in an evaluation from a psychologist to determine if you have ADHD (or something else), you can get tested at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead.