7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

When was the last time you learned something new about yourself? One of the wonderful parts of being a person is that the journey to get to know yourself is never-ending. We grow and change all the time, depending on what’s going on in the world, our relationships, and how we feel about all of it. It’s not always easy to keep up with the changes, even when they’re happening to us. 

Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others. 

Getting to know yourself requires self-compassion. No one wants to get closer to someone who is mean to them! When you practice being kind and compassionate toward yourself, it will be easier to apply that to others as well. Understanding yourself is the gift that keeps on giving! 

If you’re looking for ways to get to know yourself better, here are 7 ideas:

Consider your values

Have you ever explicitly thought about what you value? Not just in a partner or in a job, but in your life. It’s not something we commonly think about, so it’s okay if you’ve never considered it before! Step one to understanding yourself is to understand what is important to you. What you value is a key to what is important to you, so take some time to write down a list of values that are important to you. 

Try new things 

You never know if you’ll like something until you try! One fun way to understand yourself better is to go out of your way to try new things. Try out new hobbies or activities that sound interesting to you. See if you can find any local clubs or organizations that host events. Social media is a great place to check - often many businesses make their events public so you can easily search them and see what’s going on in your area. 

Recall what you liked as a child

What did you like when you were little? What were you instinctively drawn to? Use that as a jumping off point to get to know your adult self. What has changed since you were little? Is there anything you loved then that you don’t like now, and vice versa? If you’re stuck on new things to do or try from the last suggestion, try to use your inner child for ideas. What would little you like to do? 

Take an assessment 

A psychological assessment is a fantastic way to understand your brain on a deeper level. Psychological assessments can be done for any number of reasons, including wanting to understand yourself better. You don’t have to be concerned that you have a diagnosis, although that is another great reason to get tested. Psychological assessments can measure things like intellectual ability, academic functioning, memory and learning, language, visuo-spatial functioning, executive functioning, attention and concentration, emotional functioning, and behavioral functioning, and personality. An assessment can help provide you with a plan to guide you forward in a way that works with your strengths. 

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal is helpful for mental health in so many ways. A journal is a place where you can open up, and it can be helpful for spotting patterns in your thinking and behavior. Keep a journal for a few weeks and look back over the entries - is there anything that comes up multiple times that surprises you? Follow that thread to uncover something new about yourself. 

Learn to listen when you are communicating with yourself

There are a number of reasons why it’s tough to tune into what your mind and body are telling you. You might not be familiar with the way that your body or brain speaks to you. For example, many people have a hard time understanding their body’s hunger and fullness cues after years of restriction and dieting. When you’ve spent so long trying not to notice what your body is saying, it can be really hard to tune back in. Try to keep a note or journal entry where you notice when you are communicating with yourself. Anytime you get a gut feeling, or you hear a tiny voice in your head, try to focus on it instead of pushing it away. 

Practice mindfulness

Getting to know yourself better requires honesty and zero judgment. It’s hard to discover things about yourself if you are beating yourself up for what you find. A regular mindfulness practice can be a great way to train yourself to stop judging your thoughts. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment, not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. There are lots of ways to practice mindfulness - you can meditate, you can journal, you can walk or dance, you can make art - anything that lets you quiet your brain down so you can simply notice what’s coming up. The trick is to just notice - not to judge or hide. Mindfulness is helpful because it can be used just about anywhere - all you need is your brain. 

If you’re getting to know yourself better, you can get an assessment at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead.

3 Tips for More Effective Communication with Your Teen

What does it mean to have effective communication with your teen?

Effective communication is harder than we may think it is! It’s not how we typically learn to listen and communicate. In fact, most of us usually listen in order to respond instead of in order to really hear what the other person is saying. And while it is not usually intended to be harmful or malicious, it can cause misunderstandings, miscommunication, and feelings of being ignored, or resentment. This is especially harmful in conversation with teenagers who rely on you to be a safe space for support!

So what does effective communication look like? It looks like:

• Fully listening when they talk–not just listening to try to figure out what to say next

• Feeling as though they are fully listening to you in return

• You both feel heard and understood when you leave the conversation

• You’re able to talk about how you really feel (and they are too) 

What are the obstacles to communicating effectively with our teens?

One might be schedules! Being a parent and being a teen are both busy and full of commitments that take up your time. Whether that’s work and providing for and managing your families needs, or school and clubs and extracurricular activities and social engagements–that’s a lot of time accounted for. And, being a teenager often means having a little more freedom over where you go and how you spend your time. 

So you’ll both be busy, and they will need you a little less. These aren’t bad things, they’re a natural part of growing up, but it does mean there will be less opportunity for the two of you to connect at home, so you’ll have to be intentional about the time you do share with them. 

Another barrier to effective communication is fear on the part of the teen. This could be fear of being honest, fear that being honest will lead to being reprimanded or punished. If every time your teen opens up to you, the conversation is turned into a lecture or a punishment, they aren’t going to feel like you’re a safe person to turn to. 

Why is good communication between parents and teens so important? Here are a few ways open and healthy communication can benefit your teen:

• Modeling healthy honest communication

• Improving their self esteem

• Encouraging cooperative problem solving

So how can you improve your communication with your teenager?

Don’t try to solve their problems for them:

If you’re always jumping in and interrupting your teen while they talk to you in an attempt to solve their problem, they aren’t going to see it as helpful. More likely, they are going to see it as you not wanting to listen to everything they have to say. And, they might not want advice — they might just want someone to listen while they figure out what they want to do and to validate their feelings. We all just want to be reassured sometimes! The same is true for teenagers. While you may think you know exactly what they should do to solve their problem, remember it’s their life! If they want advice, they can ask you for it, otherwise let them make their own choices on how to handle their own problems. 

Eliminate distractions:

Show your teen that when they’re taking the time to connect with you, it matters. This means don’t be on your phone or computer or trying to multitask – give them your full undivided attention! This not only increases the effectiveness of the communication between you and them, but it also helps to teach them by example how to effectively and considerately communicate with others. And it will help to strengthen your connection because you’re actually present for the conversation!  

Ask honest (not loaded) questions:

Get curious about your teens life, but don’t ask questions just to try to figure out if they are following rules, misbehaving, interacting with people you don’t approve of, etc. If your teen feels like you’re only talking to them to snoop around for information, they won’t feel trust within your relationship, and they won’t feel comfortable opening up to you. On the flip side, if they see you are genuinely engaged and care about what’s happening in their life, they will want to share it with you. 

You also might not understand everything they’re going through or why certain things are a big deal to them. That’s okay–ask questions not to express judgement but to show curiosity. You don’t understand, but you want to. 

Do you need help strengthening your communication skills with your teen? We can help support you. Reach out today to get in touch with one of our clinicians! 

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

How creative are you? Creativity often brings to mind artists or musicians, but there are infinite ways to be creative. You might not consider yourself creative at all, and that’s okay. We tend to think of creativity as something that you either have or don’t, but the truth is that you can become more creative. Cultivating creativity can help boost your self-esteem, improve your work performance, and leave you feeling more fulfilled. 

Every person has the ability to be creative, but we don’t always nurture that ability. Creativity is definitely seen as important to a degree, but we also prize productivity and there’s a myth that creativity can get in the way of that. In fact, the opposite is true. Creativity can help boost productivity in and out of the workplace by helping people to thinking outside the box and problem solve in new ways. 

Even though creativity is a part of everything, some people frown on creativity or think that creating isn’t a worthwhile way to spend time. We all have responsibilities and commitments, but we also all deserve to feel joy and rest. There can be a balance between being creative and being productive, if that’s what you want. Creativity itself can also help with productivity - you can see multiple points of view and approach problems from new perspectives, which can help get things done.

If you’re interested in cultivating creativity in yourself, there are some steps you can take to encourage that! Here are our top tips to cultivate creativity: 

Be curious

One of the keys to creativity is curiosity. Creative folks ask questions. They want to know and understand more. Keep track of the things that make you curious. You can keep a list on your phone or in a journal to see what draws your attention. What are you drawn to? What do you want to know more about? If you’re still getting stuck, go back into your memories. What made you curious as a kid? What were you drawn to back then? Chances are, you still like a lot of that same stuff. See how it feels to explore it now, as an adult. 

Build your confidence

It can be hard to be creative if you don’t have confidence in yourself. Creating is vulnerable. You’re making something out of yourself, and it can be hard to feel confident in sharing that with others. Some folks feel impostor syndrome about creativity - where they feel they aren’t creative enough, they’re just pretending. If that comes up for you, building up your confidence is a helpful step. Set yourself up to succeed at something. If you’re nervous about sharing your creative side with others, pick one person close to you to talk about it with. Pick someone who is a big fan of yours and will be enthusiastic about it. Once you have one good interaction under your belt, it might be easier to talk about. 

Set up a ritual

Sometimes it’s hard to get in the habit of being creative when it’s not something you’re used to. Rituals can help you get in the right mindset to be creative so your brain knows it’s time to create. You can have a simple ritual like lighting a candle before sitting in your creative space, or you can be more involved. Find something that works for you. It can also be helpful to try to tap into your creative energy in a designated space. This isn’t to limit your ability to be creative, but to help you focus on creativity while you’re in that space. Is there a corner where you can set up a little table and keep the things that inspire you? Decorate the area with things that make you feel inspired or curious to stoke that creative fire. 

Be consistent

Another aspect of creativity is consistency. People that are creative are consistently committed to creativity. They make time for it, whether or not they feel like it, and whether or not they produce something. Creativity is like a muscle, and using it over and over will make it easier to access in the future. Set aside a regular chunk of time every week to devote yourself to being creative. You don’t have to have any goals other than have a good time. You don’t have to make anything social media worthy or perfect. Just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow.

Remember that failure is normal

Finally, it’s important to remember that failure is a part of life. It’s really hard to be creative when you’re paralyzed by the fear of failure or rejection. Creativity is about the journey, not the destination. So if you create something that doesn’t work out or doesn’t do well, that doesn’t mean it was a waste of time! At the very least, you’ve learned more about what doesn’t work and that can help you next time. If the fear of not being successful or good enough is holding you back, consider what it would feel like to live your whole life without exploring your creative side. That would probably feel pretty bad, right? If you’re still concerned about what people will think or if you’ll be judged, try to release yourself from the expectations of other people. Your job is to do what’s right for you, and you’re the expert on your own life. You get to decide what works for you! 

If you’re looking for more ways to expand your creativity, therapy can be a great place to explore it. Our clinicians can help you find ways to support your particular creative style, so get in touch today!

3 Coping Skills for Managing Depression

Are you finding your depression hard to manage?

For many people with chronic depression, the severity of that depression waxes and wanes. While there may be consistent symptoms you need to manage day to day, when you hit a severe depressive episode those symptoms can worsen and be more difficult to manage. 

And while regular therapy and medication are an excellent treatment plan for chronic depression, it can be helpful to have a few coping skills of your own to use in times like these when you need some extra care. 

If you’re unsure if what you’re experiencing is depression, here are a few signs to look out for: 

• Depressed mood

• Feeling empty or numb

• Loss of interest or pleasure things you used to like

• Fluctuations in weight

• Problems with sleep (too much or too little)

• Feeling restless 

• Feeling irritable

• Loss of energy

• Feeling worthless

• Excessive or inappropriate guilt

• Trouble focusing on tasks

• Indecisiveness

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide 

When you’re in a deep depressive episode it can be extremely difficult to get yourself to do things. That’s why things like regular therapy and medication can be so important to the treatment of depression. They act as the foundation, to help provide you with steady support as you manage a chronic condition. 

But there are small actions we can take to help ourselves when we find ourselves in a dark place. While none of these things are magic cure alls–none of them are going to magically cure your depression overnight–they are healthy coping tools you can use to make it easier to get through those times. By utilizing them, while you may not be “solving” your depression, you will be incorporating actions that can help your energy levels, your care for yourself, and help you to not feel so overwhelmed by whatever symptoms you’re experiencing. 

Incorporate Gentle Movement:

Exercise is one of the most frequent suggestions for depression coping tools. But you don’t need to have a gym membership or even do an arduous workout in order to get the benefits that exercise provides. Instead, focus on movement that is gentle and enjoyable–or if not enjoyable then at least bearable. It shouldn’t be an activity you dread or struggle to accomplish. Keep it simple: go for a walk, play with a pet, turn some music on and dance a bit, go outside and garden, etc. 

Socialize:

When you’re feeling depressed, it can be very easy to self isolate. And that is for a lot of reasons! You might not feel like you have enough energy to see people, you might be feeling worse about yourself than usual which can make being around friends less enjoyable, your normal activities might not hold as much excitement for you, you might be feeling embarrassment or shame at your current state (as depression often leads us to struggle caring for ourselves and our hygiene). All of these things (and others) make being social while you’re depressed feel impossible and pointless. We understand! However, while getting started is difficult, allowing yourself supportive socialization can be beneficial! 

Think about it like taking a shower: It seems like a chore, and for whatever reason, motivating yourself to get into the shower is always arduous. But once you’re in there you realize you actually do feel better, getting clean and fresh! The same sort of thing can happen when socializing during a difficult time. While working up the energy and the motivation to do it can seem just about impossible, actually being around people who love and support you does make a difference. 

Add Small Amounts of  Variety and Joy into Your Life: 

Getting stuck in a rut can exacerbate the feelings that come along with a particularly bad depressive episode. But as we discussed above, motivating yourself to do anything while depressed is difficult! So here, we recommend baby steps. Just try to do one thing each day that is different to the day before. Maybe change the room you eat a meal in from day to day, or walk around your neighborhood with a different route. Even small amounts of variety can help mitigate that feeling of “same day, forever” that so often comes with depression, adding small amounts of brightness to your day. 

If you're looking for more support managing depression, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

5 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? On its face, being perfect seems like kind of a great thing - you do everything right, there’s never a problem, and you’re happy as can be. In reality, though, the pressure to be perfect at everything you do can lead to an immense amount of pressure and distress. Perfectionism can be exhausting, but it’s possible to overcome it. 

It makes sense that we want things to be perfect. The world is a scary place for a lot of people, especially right now. On top of worrying about things like our job performance or our relationships, we’re also trying to deal with a multi-year global pandemic and facing a climate crisis. There is so much uncertainty in the world right now, and it can make you feel out of control. There’s not a lot you can do personally to end the pandemic (besides following local public health safety advice) or to fix the climate. You can’t control what the government does. You can’t control the weather, or the news, or institutional oppression, even though you may want to. So when it comes to things you can control, it’s easy to go a little overboard. You can control the way you perform your job. You control the way you keep your living space, what you eat, the media you consume. 

The problem is that perfect doesn’t exist. Everyone’s idea of what is perfect is different. There are always things at play that will get in the way of things being perfect. Focusing on perfectionism is actually a distraction. A really stressful, really high stakes distraction from the intense vulnerability or fear of not being in control. Even if you somehow manage to do everything in your life perfectly, you’d probably still find another reason to be disappointed in yourself, because the goalposts with perfectionism always change. Just when you think you’ve done it and become perfect, there’s something else to do. 

This cycle is so exhausting. If you’re struggling, know that there are some things you can do to let go of perfectionism. Here are 5 ways to shift your thinking and overcome perfectionism. 

Be curious about where it comes from 

There are other things that might play into perfectionism as well. If your caregivers demanded perfection from you in school and in your extracurricular activities growing up, it can be a hard habit to break. However, it can be helpful to interrogate where the urge to be perfect is coming from. What will happen if you aren’t perfect? Are you more concerned about letting others down, or yourself? Take some time to notice where the urge comes from. It might be helpful to journal about it or to take a walk and think things over. If the urge comes from something in your childhood, remind yourself that you’re an adult now and you get to make your own choices. It can be hard to feel like you’re letting others down, but it’s also painful to let yourself down. If it’s a need for control, try to see what happens when you let go of control for a few low-stakes things like tidying the house or responding to emails off-hours. 

Practice self-care

Over time, feeling intense pressure to be perfect can leave you feeling rotten. You might feel burned out, cynical, numb, exhausted, depleted, guilty, or even physically ill. Our bodies and minds need breaks regularly to function, so if you’re not making time to care for yourself, it will eventually catch up with you. Chronic stress can lead to all sorts of physical symptoms like gastrointestinal distress, heart problems, respiratory illness, fatigue, pain, and more. Taking some time to practice self-care can go a long way toward helping you feel better and preventing those physical ailments that come from stress. 

Notice the gray

Perfectionism can also be traced back to cognitive distortions like all or nothing thinking. Perfectionists tend to think in shades of black and white. You’re either perfect or you’re a failure. Instead of thinking in extremes, notice what’s in between. Instead of thinking in black and white, try to find the gray. Is it possible that more than one thing can be true at the same time? 

Focus on what’s going right

The thing about perfectionism is that nothing will ever be perfect, so being focused on perfection can leave you focused on what’s going wrong and keeping you from being perfect. Instead of letting yourself get swept up in negativity, focus on what’s going right for you. Taking some time to redirect your thoughts from negative to positive will help your brain learn how to do that on its own. With some practice, you will have to redirect your thoughts less and less because the full picture of positive and negative will be easier for you to see. 

Find joy in the process

Another aspect of perfectionism that’s tricky is focusing on the outcome. For perfectionists, it can be hard to see anything but the end result as meaningful. For example, let’s say you work hard for months on a project with the hopes of landing a promotion. When the project is over, you find out that you didn’t get the promotion. Perfectionists will see the lack of promotion as a failure, and decide that the whole process was a waste of time. People who aren’t perfectionists might have an easier time noticing all the good things that came from the project, like learning how to manage a team or expanding your skills. 

If that’s the case for you, try to notice the process of what you're doing and find positives in it, even if it seems silly at first. Most of life is a journey. There are very few points where we look around and feel that we’re at the peak. So make sure to learn how to find joy in the journey and the destination. 

If you're looking for more support overcoming perfectionism, our therapists are trained in modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.