Feeling Stuck? Try These 6 Things

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you can’t move forward? There are all kinds of reasons that you might be feeling stuck in life, whether it be in your romantic relationships, your career, your platonic relationships, or any other area of your life. When you feel stuck, you feel like you can't move forward in any way, no matter what you try. Some people feel stuck in a relationship that’s no longer serving them. Some people feel stuck in a job that doesn’t suit their talents or their passion. Others might feel stuck in their own negative thoughts. Many creative folks have periods where they’re stuck and can’t come up with any new work or anything they’re proud of.  Any way you slice it, we’ve all felt stuck over something at one time or another. 

When you feel stuck, it can seem like an endless cycle. It can feel like you’re moving in circles or even backward, instead of toward the goal you’re working for. Being stuck can make you feel burned out, less confident, and desperate to make something work. Not exactly ideal conditions to make changes in your life, right? 

However, to get out of the cycle of stuck-ness, change has to happen somewhere. When you’re frustrated and overwhelmed, it can be hard to think of the next move to make. Instead of suffering from decision paralysis, try one of these options to see if they help you move forward: 

Don't keep doing the same thing

First of all, if nothing you’re doing is working, cut it out! You are not serving yourself by continuing on with a plan that’s going nowhere. You don’t need to prove anything by continuing on the path you’ve started down. If something doesn’t work for you, you’re allowed to try something else! Giving up on your initial plan might feel like a kind of failure, but you’re really just learning how to adapt to the situation you’re in. That’s a valuable skill.

Assess how you got here

You don’t want to try to move forward and end up in the same place again. To do that, though, you need to get tough with yourself: how did this situation happen in the first place? Reflect on the decisions you made and the actions you took that led to feel stuck. In order to learn from our missteps, we need to understand them. This step is hard, but it’s crucial to make sure you don’t end up stuck in the same cycle again. 

Change your perspective 

Can you look at your situation in a different way? Sometimes, getting someone else's opinion on things can help you see things in a new light. It’s valuable to get someone else’s opinion because we all have different ways of looking at the world. Maybe a friend or loved one (or therapist!) can help you see things from a new angle or come up with some new solutions to try. It can also be refreshing to get your feelings off your chest and open up to someone. At the very least, even if they can’t help you solve your problem, they can be a source of emotional comfort and support when you feel stuck. 

Take a break

Sometimes, you just need to recharge and try again later. It’s okay to stop trying for a bit and come back to the problem later. You don’t have to constantly make yourself miserable over being stuck. You’re allowed to take time to yourself. Rest is something that many of us don’t get enough of, so feeling stuck could be your body’s way of telling you to take a break. You might also find that stepping away from the problem can clear your mind and help you come at it with fresh eyes when you’re ready to deal with it again. 

Be gentle with yourself

Who's putting the pressure on you? Is it you, or is it someone else? Or maybe both? You don't have to be perfect. In fact, you can't be. When you're struggling, beating yourself up about it only does one thing: it makes you feel worse. Instead, be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best. If you have a hard time being gentle with yourself, pretend you’re talking to your best friend. How would you help them with this? 

Remind yourself that you have options when you feel stuck

Remember: you always have options, even when you feel backed into a corner and like you have nothing you can do. You probably even have more options than you think you do. If you’re having a hard time seeing what options you have, talking to a therapist might be a great next step! Therapists have a unique perspective and can help you work through issues you’re stuck on. Reach out to us today so we can help get you unstuck! 

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

How to Figure Out What You Want in a Partner

From the outside, it seems as if dating today should be easier than ever. 

With various apps and online dating services, you don’t even have to leave your couch to meet someone new! But while that can be a great thing (for busy people, people who’ve just moved to town, those just starting to get comfortable putting themselves out there, etc) it also creates its own very specific set of dating difficulties. 

While on the one hand they are convenient and easy and somewhat more comfortable than going out to meet people, dating apps can also get us stuck in this online shopping mindset. You’re browsing and you see something you think you might like, but you’re not super sure, so you pop it in your cart to decide on it later. Dating apps can be a little like that. Where instead of using them as a quick and easy introduction to people you really think you’ll click with, you start collecting matches even if you know they aren’t right for you. And there are a lot of reasons people do this, but the big two seem to be: 

1. You’re not sure what you want! It seems easier at the time to collect a bunch of “maybes” and see if any of them work out. 

2. It feels like validation. It’s nice to get that notification that says you have a new match. It’s nice to feel desired, even if there isn’t any true potential there. 

But collecting these maybes doesn’t actually get you closer to finding a genuine connection that is right for you. Instead, it gets you stuck in a cycle where you’re swiping mindlessly, just looking for the relief of that “it’s a match!” notification. 

And mindless dating won’t actually help you address your needs. 

You might be lonely, and feel that any sort of dating is better than none at all. But when you have those incompatible connections with people, your loneliness isn’t actually being addressed. It’s more like you’ve thrown a bandaid over an open wound. You don’t have to think about it for a while, but as soon as the bandaid wears out, you’re right back to where you started. 

(Of course dating isn’t the only way to manage loneliness–and often it’s better to try to meet that need with something other than dating as well. Finding fulfillment on your own by taking a class, joining a club, getting involved in your community, etc. can help you feel less lonely and “desperate” when entering the dating scene.) 

A key part of dating mindfully is knowing what you’re looking for in a partner. 

Easier said than done. In fact, it takes a lot of work to figure out what your needs are, what needs can reasonably be met by a partner, and exactly how to look for the right people to meet those needs. 

So how can you start figuring out what you’re looking for in a partner?

Self reflection: 

This one will probably be the most uncomfortable of the tips, which is why I’m starting with it. When you’re trying to work out what you want and need in a partner, think back to relationships that haven’t worked out in the past. These don’t even have to be romantic relationships, they can be friendships too. Ask yourself: why didn’t the relationship work? Which of our qualities were incompatible? Did our values clash? Was there a warning sign regarding our clashing values or incompatible qualities that I can now see in hindsight? 

Be truthful but gentle with yourself. The purpose of this exercise is not to punish you for relationships that haven’t worked out–everyone has relationships that end! And it’s not to make a list of all the things you “did wrong.” It’s simply an exercise you can use to look back and reflect, and take the useful information you get from it and move forward.

Decide on your deal breakers: 

(And don’t ignore them!) Are politics important to you? Do you only want to date someone interested in marriage? Are you only interested in monogamy? (Or, are you only interested in dating someone who is okay with non-monogamy?) 

Figure out what your personal relationship deal breakers are, and keep them in mind as you start dating. Then, when you come across them, even though it might feel disappointing, remind yourself that taking care of your own needs needs to be your priority, and move along. Chances are if the person isn’t right for you, then you aren’t right for them, and it’s better to part anyway. 

Fantasize a bit: 

Imagine yourself in a relationship: what needs is that relationship filling? Determine what it is a relationship will (ideally) be providing for you, and only date people whose relationship goals align with that. Think of how you want your partner to make you feel: write a list! And refer back to it as you date. Are you getting these feelings? Or are you waiting around until maybe it gets better?

Settle it with a few lists: 

It might seem oddly formal for something like dating, but taking the time to journal and write out these dating lists can be really helpful. Not only can it help you explore yourself and your needs, but it can help keep you on track as you search for fulfilling connections. Make one for non-negotiables (dealbreakers) one “nice to haves” (things you want in a partner, but are flexible from person to person), and one for shared values you want to see in your relationship. 

These exercises are all great, but should be paired with a more mindful style of dating. What does that mean? 

It means: accepting that not everyone has what you want or need (and that you won’t have what everyone else wants or needs all the time too.) It can feel discouraging, but recognizing when someone isn’t right for you isn’t a rejection. It’s accepting that your needs and values just aren’t compatible. Give yourself that acceptance and give yourself permission to move on. You won’t get what you want from a partner by trying to force it onto someone who isn’t what you’re looking for in the first place. 

It also means being clear and intentional as you go about dating. So, on dating apps, be honest about what you’re looking for! (Keep in mind, your profile should say more about you and what you’re looking for, and not be a checklist for potential partners to go through and see if they fit. You aren’t ordering a custom made partner.) Highlight the values you’re looking for, the type of relationship you see yourself happiest in, and the people who’s vision match with yours will fall into place. 

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

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