How to Cope With Losing Relationships as a Result of Your Chronic Illness

Many people don’t understand what it’s like to be seriously ill. People often also don’t know what to do when someone is sick. If you’ve ever dealt with a loss in your life you might be familiar with this. Some people don’t know what to say or do, so instead of saying the ‘wrong’ thing, they disappear until the crisis is over. It’s not a nice thing to do, certainly, but it is a human reaction to discomfort. Unfortunately, for folks living with chronic illness, this experience is all too familiar. With chronic illness however, there is no end in sight, and because of that some relationships just don’t survive. 

What is chronic illness in the first place? 

According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), “Chronic diseases are defined broadly as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit activities of daily living or both. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States.”

What’s important to remember is that this is NOT your fault. Your illness doesn’t make you any less worthy of friendship and support in your life. A chronic illness diagnosis can bring up a lot of different feelings at once: worry, shame, relief, fear, exhaustion, and confusion are just a few. It’s hard enough to wrap your head around your diagnosis and how that will change your life without blaming yourself for your illness. 

The sad truth is, most people don’t know what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. Even though it shouldn’t fall on the ill person to explain things, you may find yourself going over the details over your illness repeatedly to clear up the confusion. That alone can be exhausting. Some people also don’t understand how isolating illness can be. Even though it’s not okay to treat people differently after their diagnosis, it’s a common response. However, there are ways to deal with changing relationships as a result of your chronic illness. 

Set boundaries

Boundaries are basically when you tell people what you expect from them. When you talk to someone about your illness and their response to it, go into the conversation with a few boundaries in mind. Let them know what you expect of them in this situation since as we mentioned above, most people have no idea what to do when someone is seriously ill. You can make it clear that you expect them to visit you regularly, that you’d like regular time to spend together, that you are available or unavailable to talk about your illness and anything else that will help you feel supported. Sometimes people just need direction and they can adjust their behavior accordingly. 

Speak up

When someone hurts you, tell them. Most people don’t understand how their actions look or feel to others. Maybe your friend didn’t know what to say, so instead of saying the wrong thing, they figured they’d get out of your way until they knew. If this (or something like it) happens in your life, call it out! Sometimes being reminded of the way our actions impact others can be enough of a wake-up call to act differently. If you bring up your concerns and feelings

Write them a letter

Even if you never send it, it can be really cathartic to write a letter to someone who has hurt you. You can process your feelings, go over what you’d like to say, and set the record straight to the best of your ability. You can send it or not, but sometimes just the act of writing down your feelings can be eye-opening. 

Learn about grief

Grief isn’t just for death. You can grieve any type of loss - including the loss of the life you had before your diagnosis. When you lose friendships as a result of your illness, you also experience grief. Grief is universal - at some point, everyone will feel it. Do some reading about grief to familiarize yourself with the grieving process so you know what to expect. Remember to be gentle with yourself and that there’s no wrong way to grieve. 

A chronic illness diagnosis can be totally life changing, and not just from a medical perspective. Since chronic illness is longer term than acute illness, it tends to ripple out and effect even more of people’s everyday lives, including their relationships. If you find your relationships changing as a result of your chronic illness, remember to be gentle with yourself - none of this is your fault. If you need more support in coping with these changing relationships, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help.  

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionatecare to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Well Rounded Wellness: Exploring the Health Benefits of Spirituality

What is well-rounded wellness?

We’ve talked a bit before about the link between physical and mental wellness. And research is now showing that there is a significant mind-body connection; meaning our mental health can influence our physical health, and vice versa. 

So we know that health isn’t just one or the other. It’s not physical or mental, it’s a combination of caring for all of the different aspects of ourselves. But within this mind body connection, there’s another aspect often left out of the conversation: spiritual wellness. 

This aspect of wellness asks us to address our beliefs, our values, and our connection to the world we live in. It is often linked very directly with our mental health; spirituality can help with feelings of anxiety, depression, stress, listlessness, lack of purpose, etc. And in being so linked with our mental health, we see that a well rounded sense of wellness has to include the whole picture: mind, body, and soul. 

What is Spirituality?

For some, spirituality might be religion. Whether Judaism, Catholicsm, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sihkism, etc, religion, no matter the denomination, is an expression of spirituality. 

But spirituality doesn’t have to be expressed through an organized religion. 

At its core, spirituality is about connecting with your world. It’s about finding your values, and finding ways to live your life with them in mind. It’s about finding your purpose, your connection to others, your connection to the world around you. Spirituality, whatever form it shows up in, is how we make sense of the time we’re given in this world. 

What is spiritual wellness?

Spiritual wellness is just like any other type of wellness: recognizing and meeting needs. The variance lies in what those needs are. You might need a structured religion, a holy text. Or you might need something more fluid, a spiritual connection to the earth or your own intuition. 

Spiritual wellness just means that you are asking yourself the question “What does it mean for me to be spiritually fulfilled?” and then doing your best to incorporate practices that help you achieve that fulfilment. Those practices might include things like: 

• Meditation

• Prayer

• Yoga 

• Community gatherings

• Volunteer work

• Journaling

When finding what feels right for you, please remember to be culturally sensitive. While mental & physical health do benefit greatly from spiritual exploration, it’s important to remember that while some spiritual practices are meant to be shared, others are intended as a sacred part of a closed culture. Please do your research if you are exploring spirituality or religion outside of what you are familiar with. 

How does spirituality improve our overall wellness?

There are many ways spirituality helps our overall wellness. A few include: 

Improved Sleep

Because most religions have some sort of mindfulness practice (prayer, meditation, yoga), the health benefits of mindfulness are also true of the health benefits of spirituality! And research has found that those with a steady mindfulness practice get better, more restful sleep than those without. 

Boosted Physical Health 

Spiritual practices not only help our mental and emotional health, but our physical health as well. Having those steady practices helps give us a regular mindfulness routine which not only improves the quality of our sleep, but has also been shown to lower blood pressure, and strengthen our immune system. 

Improved relationships

Spirituality often centers on the idea of connection, and often requires (or benefits from) some sort of community involvement. And when we are committed to a community, that means we are attuning ourselves to be mindful of others wants and needs, as well as strengthening our own skills in communication–simply through practice! And these skills aren’t restricted just to your own spiritual community. They become habit, and make it easier for you to handle conflict and communication with other people in your life. 

Decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression

When you explore and commit to your own spirituality, you feel a stronger sense of connection. To yourself, your friends and loved ones, your community, your environment, etc. This feeling of connection helps to lower the risk of depression. And spiritual practices like meditation, prayer, and yoga help to increase our mindfulness, and in doing so decrease our stress and anxiety levels. 

Improved coping skills

When difficult life events occur (sudden illness, relationship trouble, death of a loved one, etc.) spirituality helps to give us a guidebook on how to manage what seems unmanagable. Take, for example, the death of a loved one. While traditions vary across religions and spirituality, the thing that links them all is that there is some sort of tradition or ritual that accompanies grief and loss. This can help facilitate the grieving process. Rather than pushing those difficult emotions to the side and ignoring them, spiritual or religious traditions help us to face them. And the traditions or rituals that go along with those occurrences helps us to feel like we are in control of our own grieving, or emotional journey. Without these traditions it would be much more difficult to grapple with uncomfortable emotions (like grief) and the feeling of being untethered and out of control would just make things worse. 

Incorporating spirituality into your life is a great way to round out your wellness practice. Keeping a holistic view of wellness (mind, body and soul) reminds you to take stock of your needs, and find enjoyable ways for you to fill them, without sacrificing your health in other areas.  And, in fact, can help you to improve both your mental and physical health! 

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionatecare to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!