4 Best Practices for Fact Checking #InstaTherapy Content

Mental health is a popular topic on social media. 

And because mental health care can often be inaccessible for a number of reasons (finances, insurance barriers, location, family/community culture, etc.) that can be a great thing–talking about mental health openly can help to destigmatize the need for care, and to normalize the idea that we all have things to work on. 

But there are a few dangers to relying on social media exclusively for mental health care:

1. You don’t get the full therapy experience, which needs a relationship in which to provide space for healing

2. There’s no factual requirement for posting on social media–meaning the mental health information you’re getting, might not be accurate. 

That doesn’t mean there’s no good information out there on social media–Hope+Wellness is on Instagram where we share bite sized posts from topics we’ve covered on the blog, and we follow plenty of other mental health professionals on that platform who are doing great work! It just means you need to have a bit of care when taking in content related to mental health. 

So what can you do to vet how reliable a mental health resource is on social media?

First ask: Who is the source of this information? 

What are their qualifications? Are they a licensed provider? Are they actively practicing? Is their license bound to any sort of ethics board?

Qualified resources will have their credentials listed publicly. Their qualifications/license type should be either: 

1. Listed in their account bio 

2. Stated clearly on the website linked in their account bio

If you can’t find credentials listed in their account bio, click over to their website to check the home and about pages. Credentials should be easy to find and where you expect them to be–if they are hidden away somewhere that you have to dig for, that’s a warning sign. 

Next: Is what they’re sharing within their scope of practice?

What sort of mental health professional are they? What is their area of expertise and scope of practice? Is the information they are sharing within that scope–or is it unrelated to what they are professionally qualified for? 

For example, mental health professionals shouldn’t be giving the advice of a primary care doctor and vice versa. 

Qualified mental health care professionals should also be making it clear on their profiles that their online presence is intended as therapeutic education, not a replacement for the treatment they offer or a method of seeking diagnosis.  

Check the comments:

While this isn’t always helpful, it’s good to do a quick glance through comments of popular mental health content on social media. If others in the industry are disputing the information in the comments, that’s a good sign to proceed with caution; look up what’s being shared and read more information on it from reputable sources. 

Check in: do they get specific about clients?

Talking about common concerns from the general clients or population they see is one thing–that can be helpful in destigmatizing care or addressing misconceptions, etc. But no mental health professional should be describing their client cases or bragging about their client successes as a way to prove their legitimacy. 

If you’re questioning how specific they are, consider if the person they were talking about found the content; would they be able to identify themselves as the subject of the content? If so–it’s too specific, and actually a HIPAA violation. That’s a big red warning sign that they aren’t considering how their ethical practices need to be translated to social media! 

Keep these best practices in mind when engaging with mental health content on social media: 

• Be selective with who you follow: take your time to check their credentials and make sure they’re creating content within the scope of their practice

• Consider each post on it’s own–don’t just assume something is factual because it’s from a source you followed 

• Use information shared as a jumping off point; go further with resources they provide or begin to look into the topic from other reputable and reliable sources 

• Bring up anything you’re unsure about with your therapist! 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

How to Be Okay With Saying No

Do you have a hard time saying no to others?

Saying no is an important skill, but it’s not always easy. If you struggle with saying no to people in your life, whether it’s your family, friends, or people at work, you’re not alone. 

Many people struggle to say no because they fear hurting others or they feel confident in saying no. It’s okay to say no, and learning how to say no is a skill that you can learn at any stage of life, even if you’ve struggled with it in the past. 

Why saying no is hard 

Saying no often makes people feel like they’re letting someone down or being selfish. 

Many folks struggle with people pleasing and the guilt that comes with having to tell someone something they don’t want to hear. 

It’s impossible to get through life without hurting someone else’s feelings. Living in community with other people means that at some point, there will be tension. Trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings at the expense of your own builds resentments and can take a toll on your relationships. 

It’s hard to set boundaries and say no if you never saw anyone do that as you were growing up. Many of us grew up mirroring our parents who never said no or set boundaries, no matter what the consequences. There are also some situations  like in abusive relationships, where people feel like they can’t say no or face serious consequences or danger. 

Whatever the reason, it makes sense that saying no is hard. You’re not a bad person if you have a hard time saying no - you’re actually in the same boat with a lot of other people! However, if you don’t say no to things sometimes, you'll find yourself burned out and resentful of the people in your life who ask so much of you. 

The benefits of saying no

It takes time to be okay with saying no, but there are a lot of benefits of learning this skill. Saying no can help you: 

• Establish boundaries

• Increase self-confidence and self-compassion

• Manage stress

• Lessen resentment and regret which overall improves relationships 

• Reach your goals by focusing on your needs instead of everyone else’s 

It can be hard to break out of a pattern where you feel like you can’t ever say no, even to honor your own boundaries. Here are some tips to help you feel comfortable and confident saying no. 

Get to know what a “no” feels like for you

Do you know what it feels like to say no in your body? Try to explore what it feels like in your mind and body when you say no to someone you care about. Do you have a gut feeling, or does it take time to sort out what you feel? Where do you feel the “no” in your body? Some people experience tightness in the chest or throat, upset stomach, or muscle tension. 

When decisions come up in the future, and you feel the sensations that you know are associated with a “no” for you, you’ll be able to recognize it. It will be easier to let people know what your answer is when you actually know it yourself. 

Consider yourself just as much as you consider others

This doesn’t mean you’re selfish! It just means that you consider your mental health, your energy levels, your values, on the same level that you consider others. For people who struggle with saying no, remember that you are allowed to prioritize your own needs the way you prioritize the needs of others. It can feel weird at first, and people who are used to you saying yes may struggle with new boundaries, but that doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. 

Understand your values

When you know what your values are, it’s easier to make decisions. Your values help you decide what is important to you and why, and knowing this information about yourself helps you feel confident in your choices. It will be easier to say no when you are asked to do something that goes against your values when you understand what your values are. Getting clear on your values will help quiet your inner critic, increase happiness, and live a life that you’re proud of, even when you have to say no to people sometimes. 

Be clear and kind

Sometimes it seems nicer to try to soften the conversation by not saying no directly, and instead saying “Maybe” or “I’m not sure” when you really mean know. It’s absolutely okay to ask for more time to make a decision, but if you know the answer is no, it can be confusing and stress-provoking to say one thing and mean another. Being honest is kind, and being clear about what you mean can lead to fewer misunderstandings and hurt feelings. 

Start small

Being comfortable with saying no takes practice. You don’t have to start with saying no to something big or emotional - you can start smaller and build up to a big no over time. As you get more practice, you’ll feel more comfortable standing firm in your decisions and saying no when you need to. 

Do you have a hard time saying no? Working with a therapist can help you explore the reasons behind what’s going on and help you find ways to practice saying no in a judgment-free safe space. Send us a message today to get started!

I Hurt My Friend's Feelings, What Do I Do Now?

Hurt feelings are never an easy thing to navigate in a relationship, especially in an intimate relationship of any kind–whether that’s a romantic relationship, a sibling, a close friend, etc. And while we’ve touched on how to let someone know they’ve hurt your feelings, we haven’t yet explored what you should do if you’re the one who hurt your loved ones feelings. 

As you navigate your response, try to keep a few things in mind: 

All relationships have conflict. 

We can only avoid conflict by avoiding our true feelings in a relationship, so it’s not necessarily a sign that the relationship is a bad one. And hurting someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We’re all wounded and trying our best, and sometimes we misstep. 

It was brave for your loved one to tell you that their feelings were hurt. 

While it’s completely understandable for your own feelings to smart when you hear they’ve felt hurt by you, try to remember they’re being vulnerable with you because they trust the relationship can survive the conflict. Which brings us to the third reminder…

Taking time to talk to you about their hurt feelings is a sign that your relationship means a lot to your friend or loved one, not the other way around. 

If they didn’t care about your relationship, working toward repair for a stronger relationship wouldn’t matter. While it can feel like they’re upset at you when you’re getting through this, hold that security close when you feel vulnerable, and remind yourself that working through this is the goal for both of you. 

With those reminders in mind, here are three things you can do when you’ve hurt a loved ones feelings: 

Work to understand before saying your piece: 

Give your loved one space to explain why their feelings are hurt. What was it that you said or did that hurt them? What was happening in that moment for them? Rather than jumping right into what it was you intended, let them share with you how they experienced the situation. When you understand what was happening for them, you can more clearly understand the impact of your own behavior. Remember, they’re being very vulnerable with you. Give them space to say what they need and really try to hear them before saying your piece. 

When it is your turn, explain don’t defend: 

Everyone accidentally hurts their friend’s or loved ones from time to time. We’re all working through our own wounds and communication blocks, so misunderstandings are common–especially in close relationships where your most vulnerable insecurities are more prone to be triggered. 

Instead of getting defensive over the intention of your words, trust that your friend knows you didn’t intend to hurt them–they probably wouldn’t be vulnerable enough to share their feelings with someone they thought wanted to hurt them. It’s fine to explain how you were experiencing the situation simply, without blaming them for misunderstanding, but understand that your intentions for an interaction might not match the impact of your behavior within that interaction. It’s important to apologize for how your words or behavior were actually received if it didn’t line up with how you intended them.  

Figure out what to do if something like this comes up again: 

What makes you feel safe being vulnerable with one another? What was it exactly that brought this conflict up? How can you be mindful of what you’ve learned about one another as you go forward in your relationship? Present conflicts often dig at old wounds, so if you can work together to understand where the root of the pain is coming from, you can work together to avoid this sort of conflict or hurt feelings in the future. 

Do you struggle to communicate when someone lets you know that you’ve hurt their feelings? We can help support you. Reach out today to get in touch with one of our clinicians! 

Why is Making Friends as an Adult so Hard? + What to Do About It

We’ve talked a bit before about what’s being called a loneliness epidemic in America–how people are having trouble right now not only making friends but keeping friends. And loneliness has real impacts on both our mental and our physical health. And according to this, loneliness puts a person at: 

• A 29% increased risk of heart disease 

• a 32% increased risk of stroke

• a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults

• an elevated mortality risk that is similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day

Knowing how important having a wealth of relationships is our to our health and happiness, why is it so hard to make friends?

There are a lot of reasons it’s so hard to make friends, especially as an adult. With the COVID pandemic, there was a necessary increase in self isolating habits. With various waves of quarantining and learning to stay distant and masked from others in public, to be more discerning of where you went to be conscientious of health risks to ourselves and others, it’s no wonder we’re all a little lonelier. Especially college students and other young adults who were entering major transitional periods in their lives when the pandemic hit, well known paths to creating relationships were suddenly unsafe or unavailable. 

But the pandemic isn’t the only cause for the lack of friendships in our lives. Other reasons can include things like: 

Financial restraints: 

While the pandemic has brought out a new wave of mutual aid and community resources, when it comes to public spaces most of the time it’s pay to stay. It’s hard to go out and find a place outside of your house where people can just be. And while there may be a thriving arts and culture scene in your city or town, you might not be able to afford to go to the events that exist on a regular enough basis to meet people and befriend them. 

Young adulthood is also a time when people frequently move for work–when you’re freshly graduated or new to a field, you have to go where you can get work! But moving itself is a huge cost, and that means there’s often very little left over to go out and spend in new social spaces. And when you’re new to an area you might not even know where to start when it comes to meeting new people. 

Cultural priorities: 

American culture doesn’t place a lot of value on tending to platonic relationships. Mostly, the value is places on heterosexual romantic relationships and “traditional” family structures (ie. family structures that uphold patriarchal power). Take this example from the American Survey Center:

“Overall, more than half (53 percent) of Americans say that the first person they talk to when they have a personal problem is their spouse or partner. Sixteen percent of the public say they go to a friend first when confronting a personal issue, and 10 percent say they rely on their parents.” 

Friendships become communities of support–communities which go against the American ideal of self sufficiency. Because they present this sort of counter-culture to the American way, we don’t put value onto platonic relationships the way we do with others and we don’t learn how to make, cultivate and sustain intimate them/

The American ethic also prioritizes work above all–so feeling the need to turn down invitations or restrict time with others in order to get work done is so commonplace we don’t even question it. 

Accessibility/Marginalization:

As we’ve said before: discrimination, oppression, barriers to healthcare and other services, and stigma are some reasons why marginalized groups are more likely to experience loneliness and social isolation.

For some people, whether they’re people of color, visibly queer or gender nonconforming, disabled, or marginalized in some other way, venturing into new spaces is dangerous and fraught with all sorts of concerns about whether you’ll be tolerated, welcomed, ignored, or worse. 

So what can you do?

Start small:

You don’t have to snap up every opportunity that comes up in your desire to meet new people and make new friends. That’s a one way ticket to burnout! Instead, go to things you’re really excited about–not things you have to convince yourself to go to. 

Find local groups to follow online–lots of organizations do their promotional work and networking on Instagram, you can find them via local hashtags or check and see who local businesses and friends are following. 

When you do find clubs, groups or organizations you’re interested in, you can follow their accounts to see what types of events they tend to host, how often they show up, etc. so you can decide if it’s a group you want to try out 

A tip: If you follow them for longer than a month or two without going to an event ask yourself if you’re really interested in going or if it’s just taking up space on your feed.

Find something you’re interested in, whether you experience it alone or not. Then you’ll be looking forward to it, whether or not you “meet” your goal of making new friends, and the open, positive attitude will help you connect with people more naturally. 

Starting off with just one new thing (whether it’s a club, somewhere to volunteer, a class to take) will help you manage your energy and balance your own needs as you try something new–which can often required some extra self care and attention to yourself! 

Instead of taking a bunch of classes to increase your chances of meeting a bunch of people and making a bunch of friends, join one class and commit to it. Really try to learn and connect with the people in that class, instead of making a bunch of surface level connections that will peter out as soon as the classes are over. 

Set boundaries:

How much time do you need alone to take care of yourself and recharge? How long does it take for happy scrolling to turn into unhappy scrolling on social media? Set boundaries around how long you spend online and what you look at so it does its job of helping you connect instead of increasing your loneliness. 

Try to be consistent:

If you join a club, show up to as many meetings as you reasonably can. If you sign up to volunteer somewhere, don’t drop in and out unexpectedly. If you enroll in a class, show up for each lesson. When you’re consistently showing up somewhere, consistently interacting with people, you get a chance to know them better and more opportunities to turn acquaintances into friendships 

Ask for help:

It’s okay if you don’t know where to start. Loneliness is hard to combat, and trying to do it on our own is a losing battle. Reach out to friends in other cities. How did they meet people when they moved? What do they like to do when they’re feeling lonely? Even if they don’t have tips that will work for you, they probably can relate to feelings of loneliness. And that connection can help both of you feel less alone. 

A therapist is a good resource too. If you don’t know where to start when it comes to making new friends and managing loneliness, talking to your therapist about what obstacles you’re facing is a great first step. 

A therapist can help teach you new ways to cope and explore ways to build community and support. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians.