5 Myths to Unpack About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What comes to mind when you think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Many people who don’t have OCD imagine that it is a disorder that compels you to keep things neat and organized. This common misunderstanding of what OCD actually is can be traced back to the way it’s portrayed in the media, especially on TV. 

Characters on TV are often written as “a little OCD” for a laugh. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn’t a comedy bit, it’s a common mental health diagnosis impacting millions of people in the United States. 

What is OCD?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a disorder characterized by a person experiencing distressing, unwanted intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are unwelcome, and are often disturbing to the person experiencing them. The distress caused by these thoughts is often relieved through behaviors called compulsions, which only help temporarily. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 2.3% of adults in the United States will develop OCD during their lifetime. 

There are two aspects of OCD - obsessions and compulsions. 

Obsessions in OCD are the repetitive, distressing, and unwelcome thoughts and fears. Compulsions are the actions taken to help relieve the distress of obsessions. Sometimes a person with OCD will experience obsessions more strongly than compulsions or vice versa. 

Compulsions can help relieve the distress and anxiety that the person is experiencing, but usually not for long. When the distress returns, the cycle begins again. Eventually, the compulsions that are used to relieve distress become a habit, and they can often get in the way of everyday life. 

For example, someone with OCD might have repetitive, unwelcome thoughts about experiencing a break in control and hurting themselves or someone else. Unwanted thoughts like this can be very disturbing and scary. To deal with the intensely distressing emotions brought on by the thoughts of harming themselves or others, they might check repeatedly to make sure that the oven is off, or that the car is in park, or that the doors are locked, or that everyone is safe. The amount of time and energy that it takes to keep up this cycle can have a huge impact on other areas of life, like work or relationships. 

So, what isn’t OCD? Let’s unpack these common misconceptions about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

OCD means you clean a lot or are organized

Chances are, when you think of OCD, you think of this misconception because it’s so popular. On TV or in movies, we often see characters identify as “so OCD” because they keep things clean. Remember that OCD is a disorder, not a personality trait. People commonly mistake OCD for being neat and organized. While some people who have OCD do experience compulsions around cleanliness, many do not. 

You can be “a little OCD”

You either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or you don’t. It’s not something you can have “a little” or only experience once in a while - it’s a serious disorder that has a major impact on people’s lives. It can be frustrating for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to hear people who don’t deal with the distressing aspects of OCD claim to have the disorder just because they’re a little Type-A. 

OCD is a slight inconvenience or something to laugh about 

Everyone experiences things differently, but for many folks OCD is much more than a slight inconvenience, the way it’s portrayed on TV. OCD can be extremely debilitating and impact all areas of a person's life. OCD is not something to laugh about, even though it’s commonly played for a laugh on the screen. 

Statistics from the NIMH show that 50.6% of people with OCD had serious impairment, 34.8% of adults had moderate impairment, and 14.6% had mild impairment. It’s difficult to cope with a disorder that causes so much distress, and it can be upsetting to people with OCD to constantly see their struggle downplayed. 

Stress causes OCD

Some people believe that OCD pops up in moments of stress, and goes away when your stress level goes down. In fact, OCD is present with or without stress. Eliminating stress won’t make OCD go away, if you even can eliminate stress. Being a human is inherently stressful, so it’s going to be hard to be completely stress-free at all times. Like many mental health disorders, stress can exacerbate symptoms, but that doesn’t mean that the stress itself is causing the symptoms. 

There’s nothing you can do about having OCD

Since the seriousness of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is commonly misunderstood, many people believe there’s little to nothing that you can do about having OCD. In fact, OCD is very treatable. Therapy and medication are two of the ways that OCD can be treated. The therapy approaches that counselors typically use for people dealing with OCD include: 

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which helps the person confront the intrusive thoughts in a controlled environment.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can help you to identify negative patterns in your thinking and redirect your thoughts in more positive ways. 

Are you struggling with intrusive thoughts or other symptoms of OCD? Our clinicians at Hope+Wellness have experience supporting clients who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Contact us today for more information or to make an appointment! 

How Routines Can Support You in Tough Times

What does your day-to-day routine look like these days? 

Developing a routine that you enjoy might seem like tired old advice, but it’s a classic for a reason. Routines really do make a difference, especially during tough times. 

Whether you’re going through a stressful time in your work or personal life, or if there’s something upsetting happening in the news, a routine can help you stay grounded and help manage stress. 

Why are routines good for mental health? 

Routine can help you feel a sense of control and give you structure during times when you feel powerless or confused. When things are unpredictable or stressful, a routine can help anchor you and give you ways to take care of yourself. 

The holiday season is a great example. During the holidays, many people have to make plans to travel or host family members; find childcare, petcare, or house sitting services; find the cash to buy gifts for your friends and family; make time for work and personal celebrations; take time off work or cover shifts for people who are taking time off; and more, on top of everything else already on their plates. That’s stressful! It can be hard to get everything done that needs to be done while still taking care of yourself. 

Part of why routines are so supportive is that they become habitual. When something is a habit, it takes less brainpower to get it done, leaving your mind free to focus on other things. That can be a big help in tough times! 

What makes up a routine?

A routine is something that you do regularly, whether it’s on a daily, weekly, monthly basis (or another timeframe entirely). For the purposes of this post, we’re focusing on daily and weekly routines, which can help you more in day-to-day life. The things you add to your routine should be things that you know you can do, which can help build confidence and support your self-esteem. 

To develop a routine that supports your mental health in tough times, you don’t need to make drastic changes. Your routine should be unique to you and your needs. Some people might prefer a routine as simple as this: 

• Take medication

• Eat 3 meals and snack in between 

• Move your body

• Do something creative

• Go to sleep around the same time every day

There are some people who like to have their days planned down to the minute, but for some people that causes more stress than it relieves. However you structure your routine, it should work for you. 

Here are 3 ways routines can help support you in tough times:

Support your overall wellbeing

Routines can help support your mental health by making sure you’re meeting your needs, like taking your medication or making sure you have enough to eat. The small daily tasks that keep us functioning well can often be some of the first things to go during times of stress, and that make stress feel even worse. 

By following a routine that works for you, you’ll be able to meet your needs without having to focus too much time and energy on them. When your basic needs are met consistently, life is a lot less overwhelming. 

Give your days structure

A lack of structure can make dealing with things like depression or anxiety even more difficult. Our brains love to focus on the negative if we give them nothing else to do. This used to be helpful, when we were scanning around for threats as hunter-gatherers, but it’s less than helpful when the focus on the negative becomes all you can think about. 

Having structure in your day to day life can help you break out of the negative thinking patterns and focus on the things that are important to you. 

Provide comfort when you’re struggling

A routine is one aspect of a support system, and it can be a valuable piece of the puzzle. When you’re struggling, a routine can help you figure out exactly how you’ll get through each day. In tough times, you’re much more likely to be closer to the edge of your window of tolerance, and it takes less to get pushed over the edge. 

A routine can give you comfort in knowing that you have a plan. When life feels like it’s out of control, going through your daily routine can help you ground yourself and regain some sense of control back, even if it’s just on a personal level. 

Developing a routine that is supportive to you can take some time to find what works best for you. Working with a therapist can provide even more support during tough times. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment. 

5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

Do you look forward to holiday gatherings, or do you await them with dread? 

The holidays can be a time of mixed emotions for many. Even when there are things to look forward to, the social pressure of the holiday season can be overwhelming. People who deal with social anxiety often have a hard time during the holidays because there are so many gatherings and events during the holiday season between work, family, friends, and kids. The fear, discomfort, and stress that people with social anxiety feel around social gatherings can make the holiday season an uncomfortable time of year. 

Even when you don’t have a lot on your calendar for the holidays, social anxiety can still play a role. It can be hard to see what others are up to on social media, and seeing others have a seemingly perfect holiday can bring up some complicated feelings. Even though we’re only seeing the highlight reel, it can be hard to keep that in mind when you’re feeling vulnerable. Remember that social media makes other people’s lives seem perfect, but they aren’t actually perfect.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is more than just being shy. In fact, it’s possible to be shy and not have social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder significantly interferes with daily life because the discomfort and fear that people feel often drives them to avoid social situations entirely. 

People with social anxiety may feel like they’re physically unable to participate in social situations due to the intense fear, embarrassment, and anxiety they feel. For many people with social anxiety, it’s easier to not attend at all than to go and experience all of this distress. 

So, how can you make sure social anxiety doesn’t get in the way of enjoying events you attend during the holiday season? Here are 5 strategies for overcoming social anxiety at holiday gatherings:

Get there early

If you’re nervous about a gathering over the holidays, try to get there on the earlier side. There will be fewer people there and you can get used to the environment without being overwhelmed by people all at once. It's less stressful to walk into a mostly empty room than to walk into a packed gathering. It might also be helpful to bring someone with you so that you know you’ll have a friendly face to talk to who understands your limits. 

Remember you’re allowed to have different limits than other people

Social anxiety disorder is a very real condition, but not everyone understands it. Some people might give you a hard time for not being able to handle a packed social calendar during the holiday season. Remember that it’s okay for your limits to be different from someone else’s. Just because some people enjoy the bustle of the holiday season doesn’t mean that you need to. 

You're allowed to have different boundaries and needs from others, even people you care about deeply. If you’re feeling unsure or pressured, keep reminding yourself that it’s okay for your holiday season to look different than someone else’s, because we all have different needs and capacities. 

Give yourself a hard out for gatherings you’re dreading

If you’re dreading events this holiday season because of social anxiety, giving yourself some structure can help. Sometimes events are more palatable when you have a built in reason to leave at a certain time. Maybe you need to relieve the babysitter or the pet sitter. Maybe you have a meeting or an appointment, or errands to run. Try to think of something you can do to give yourself a reason to bow out of the holiday gathering 

Think of some things to talk about beforehand

If you’re not confident in your ability to small talk, there's no shame in taking a few minutes to gather your thoughts and make a list of potential conversation topics. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the answers to questions that you know because your anxiety gets in the way of thinking clearly, so rehearsing beforehand can lower your anxiety level. You don’t need to endlessly practice or ruminate on what you’ll talk about, but having some things in mind can make you feel more confident going into a holiday gathering when you have social anxiety. 

Have a couple go-to calming techniques in your back pocket

It's helpful to practice a few coping behaviors ahead of time so you can quickly use them when you’re overwhelmed in a social situation. Excuse yourself to the bathroom, and take a few deep breaths or practice progressive muscle relaxation to lower your anxiety level in the moment. Keep a list on your phone so you have easy access when you’re not home, and add to it when you find new calming techniques that work well for you. 

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!

Masking: What It Is and How It Shows Up

Do you know what masking is?

“Masking” is a term that refers to the process of suppressing your natural behaviors in order to blend in with those around you. It’s a self preservation technique for neurodivergent people, where they work to mimic the behaviors of neurotypical people around them in order to both fit in and avoid punishment for not blending in. 

For folks on the autism spectrum, they often learn through harsh, negative, even possibly traumatic feedback from those around them that they’re behaviors are seen as annoying, inappropriate, or unwelcome in some way. Masking is the attempt to fit in without punishment or ridicule, by hiding the unpalatable of “difficult” parts of yourself. Because so many social rules are unspoken, neurodivergent folks, particularly folks on the autism spectrum, may need to rely on mimicking the behavior of the people around them in hopes of not violating those social rules when it isn’t clear what they are.  

Masking might be so ingrained in the way someone behaves that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Things like forcing yourself to make eye contact, even when it’s naturally very distressing, or clenching your hands in fists in your pockets to avoid fidgeting or stimming in some way are both common examples of how masking shows up. Some people don’t realize that they are masking their behaviors, they just have a persistent feeling that they are constantly trying and failing to meet uncommunicated expectations. 

The habit of masking is a survival habit in a way–because so many behaviors associated with neurodivergence are stigmatized, and due to the ableism built into our culture, neurodivergent folks may find it necessary to mask in order to avoid bullying or harassment or even discrimination. 

While masking can make it look like folks are adapting to the expectations of different settings, all that is really happening is certain people are learning to suppress parts of themselves. It’s motivated by fear and shame and a desire to avoid isolation. Because of this, folks on the spectrum can start to feel as though they are the issue, rather than our culture’s unwillingness to make space for them. It can start to feel as though people are overly burdened by your own natural and soothing behaviors, which causes you to suppress them, to feel shame about them, and consequently to feel shame about yourself. Folks who mask experience higher levels of stress, increased anxiety, increased depression, and have higher rates of suicidal thoughts than they’re neurotypical peers. There is also significant emotional burnout that comes from masking, leaving little to no energy for anything other than trying to be “normal.”

Masking also presents a unique challenge when it comes to recognizing and diagnosing ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD (attention hyper deficit disorder) in young girls and women. It’s not that young girls aren’t neurodivergent, but the way they’re socialized makes it harder to recognize the traditional criteria in their behavior.  

For example, being hyper aware of their body and expectations of how they should act is something frequently socialized into girls, so how can you distinguish masking and the pressures of a patriarchal society?

Adding race in also complicates the ability to recognize traditional criteria. Just as women are required to make themselves small in our culture; people of color often feel required to make themselves palatable for their white peers. Black women have to be composed in all situations or they’re labeled the Angry Black Woman and if Black men are loud or large, they’re labeled dangerous. 

The diagnostic criteria for ASD and ADHD was modeled after young white men, and didn’t take sexist or racist social factors into account. ADHD, ASD, and other neurodevelopmental conditions often look different in girls or women and go unrecognized by clinicians. 

Here at Hope +Wellness we test all people but one of our specialties is in testing girls and women. We are here to help you with this — many of the individuals we test are women who have experienced many years of symptoms going unrecognized, undiagnosed, untreated, and all the associated emotional impacts — looking for answers and relief.

Take a look at our testing & evaluation services if you’re looking for support!

Dealing With Negative Emotions: 7 Blogs to read When You’re Feeling Something Uncomfortable

Do you know what to do when you feel a negative or uncomfortable emotion? 

Life would be a lot easier if we were born knowing how to deal with uncomfortable, distressing, or unpleasant emotions, but coping with negative emotions is something we need to learn along the way. 

Dealing with negative emotions is one of the most common topics that we discuss in therapy. Negative emotions feel just like they sound - negative, and as humans we often struggle to balance negative feelings with positive ones. We will often do whatever we can to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions, but sometimes the things we do to avoid or end those painful feelings lead to more problems. 

Avoiding feelings never actually makes them go away, it just pushes them off until a later time (and you often don’t get to choose when they come out). Trying to distract yourself from painful emotions with things like substances or risky behaviors might feel better in the moment, but there’s nothing that you can do to avoid negative emotions forever.

Finding ways to cope with negative emotions can help you reduce your distress level, improve your relationships, and help you feel more confident in dealing with whatever comes your way, because you know you can handle it.  

Dealing with distressing emotions in a healthy way takes practice. Learn where to start with these 7 posts about dealing with negative emotions: 

Shame is often a difficult emotion to cope with. 

“Unlike guilt, which is based on something you did or didn’t do, shame comes from the belief that there is something wrong with you. We aren’t born feeling shame, but we learn it based on our surroundings. Shame can be learned from experiences with others and from the culture we grow up in. Some psychologists believe that we developed shame as an emotion because we’re social animals. Without shame, some people might not follow laws or cultural norms. While sometimes shame is helpful, it can often spiral out of control.”

Here are 3 ways to start working through shame.

Do you know what to do when you feel angry?

“Anger is a normal emotion. We all feel it from time to time. Like all emotions, it comes and it goes, and doesn’t last forever when we allow ourselves to feel it (versus repressing it). When any emotion comes up, we can notice it and find ways to cope with that emotion. Part of the experience of an emotion is sitting through it - there’s really no way around experiencing the emotion if you want to move forward from it. Think of other emotions you feel. When you’re sad, you might cry, or cuddle a pet, or take a nap. Those are all safe ways to cope with sadness. There are options for you to express anger in safe ways too.”

Explore safe ways to express your anger here.

Do you struggle to cope with feeling lonely?

“Remember, you don’t have to actually be socially isolated to feel lonely. You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. Often, loneliness isn’t actually about not having people in your life, but not having strong connections to the people in your life. We all like to feel seen and like we matter to other people. When you don’t have a lot of people who you can connect with in a real way, it can feel like no one understands you. Loneliness has a serious impact on our lives, but there are things you can do to cope with loneliness and to minimize its effects.”

Read about what you can do when you're feeling lonely.

Sometimes we go through periods where life feels meaningless. 

“When life feels meaningless, it can be scary. You might feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling like you aren’t sure what it all means. You might wish you could go back to how things were before you started questioning everything.

It’s normal to have questions about what your purpose is to wonder about greater meaning. We all go through times where we question if we’re on the right path or where we come to a realization or go through an experience that changes our worldview.”

Here’s what you can do when life feels meaningless. 

Is being disliked something you worry about?

“One thing we don’t talk a lot about as a culture is being okay with being disliked. It often feels painful or shocking to realize that someone doesn’t like you, mostly because the default expectation is that people will like us. When you know that someone doesn’t like you, it can be confusing to deal with them in a way that doesn’t leave you frustrated or questioning your self worth.”

Here are 4 suggestions for ways to deal with being disliked by others.

You might feel uncomfortable when you make a mistake, but it doesn’t make you a bad person.  

“Everyone has done something that they’re not proud of or that they’d do differently if they had a chance. If you feel an intense wave of self loathing when you make mistakes, you might be dealing with some perfectionistic tendencies. While being perfect sounds fine on the surface, in reality it’s impossible, so expecting perfection is just setting yourself up for failure. Instead of setting yourself up to fail, remember that you’re human. You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. Even when that happens, you’re going to be okay. Mistakes don’t need to define you, especially when you use them as a learning opportunity.”

Consider these options next time you make a mistake. 

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about things you regret?

“Regret, when dealt with mindfully, is a sign of growth. If you’re looking back on an old situation and seeing new, better ways to handle your role in it, that means you’ve done some personal growth between then and now. You’ve matured, gotten to know yourself a little better, and now you can see that you had other options you didn’t see when you were in the moment.”

Here's how to cope with regret without letting it take over.

Are you looking for more support in dealing with uncomfortable emotions? Working with a therapist can help you find new ways to deal with distress and regulate your emotions, even when they’re uncomfortable. Contact us today to learn more about getting started.