8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in 2022

8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in 2022

Does the new year get you in the mood to make some changes? The idea of a fresh start is enticing, and the end of the year can be the perfect time to evaluate what’s working for you in your life and what you want to change in the year to come. Of course, not everyone likes making big changes at the new year (or sometimes people feel pressured to change by advertising and social media), so the idea of making a change now doesn’t sit right with everyone. If that’s the case, feel free to read over these suggestions and save them for a time when you are making a change. 

One impactful way to make a change is to reconsider and upgrade your self-care routine. The last two years have thrown a lot at us, and in turn it’s helpful to amp up the way we care for ourselves in these difficult times. 

Upgrading your self care routine can be as quick as putting reminders in your calendar to pick up your prescriptions or scheduling an appointment with a therapist. It can also mean reconsidering how you currently take care of yourself and letting go of practices that no longer serve you. 

Everyone is different, so everyone’s self-care practices and preferences will look different. It’s easy to get into the comparison game these days with everyone else’s highlight reel literally a click away, but try to focus on what you’re doing for you, not on what everyone else is doing. Even if someone’s life seems perfect, they undoubtedly have some stuff they’re dealing with behind the scenes. Your self-care routine should give you space to rest, relax, and rejuvenate, as well as feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled. 

As it happens, we have a ton of ideas for how to upgrade your self-care routine in the new year. Each suggestion leads to a more in-depth post on the topic so you can dive deep if you want to. Here they are:

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.). It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationships.

Another way comparison can cause harm is the way it leads you to over evaluate yourself. While self awareness is good, like all things it needs moderation. Excessive self awareness and self evaluation will get you stuck in your head, overthinking, and preventing you from actually meaningfully engaging in the present.”

Work on Being Nicer to Yourself

“Self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. 

There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option.”

Get to Know Yourself Better

“Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. 

You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others.”

Dedicate Time to Being Creative Regularly

“Creativity in any form helps us to express our feelings. Whether that’s through writing, singing, dancing, painting, sculpting, etc., creativity gives us an outlet to be freely vulnerable and authentic. 

Through art, music, movement, or other forms of expression we can start to unpack and understand our feelings, and what those feelings are telling us about ourselves, our needs, and our desires.”

Start Using Affirmations

“Research shows that using affirmations can essentially reprogram your mind. Instead of sticking with your old patterns of negative thinking and self-talk, affirmations teach your brain to make new connections. Getting into the habit of using affirmations can also help you get more familiar with the patterns in your day to day thoughts. When you notice what’s going on, you can do something to change it. 

Another great thing about affirmations is that you get to choose them. There are so many things about life that we can’t control and can’t change. One thing we can control is how we think. If you find negative thoughts and assumptions creeping in, you can choose to engage with them or not. You can decide to think about positive things to try to shift that negativity.”

Reparent Your Inner Child

“If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. And that fear has likely affected your life as an adult–even though the experience was so long ago. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself. You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

When you start building a life that makes your inner child feel safe and loved and listened to, you are able to let go of those coping mechanisms you used when you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to. In this way, inner child work helps you reach the future you want by healing your past wounds.”

Tap Into Your Intuition

“Past experiences are all stored in our brains, and while we may not be actively thinking about them, our brain can access them when it needs to. It uses those past experiences and cues from our environment and our sense of self and all comes together to give us those gut feelings we call intuition. 

Your body and your brain can interpret your environment faster than you can, so when you get a “bad feeling” it doesn’t mean you’re overreacting or being “crazy”–it means that there is something there, some element of your environment that triggered that knowledge in the back recesses of your brain before you could piece it together yourself.”

Explore Spirituality

“At its core, spirituality is about connecting with your world. It’s about finding your values, and finding ways to live your life with them in mind. It’s about finding your purpose, your connection to others, your connection to the world around you. Spirituality, whatever form it shows up in, is how we make sense of the time we’re given in this world.

Spiritual wellness just means that you are asking yourself the question “What does it mean for me to be spiritually fulfilled?” and then doing your best to incorporate practices that help you achieve that fulfilment.”

What are you looking forward to in 2022? If you’re looking for more support as you shift your routines in the new year, talking with a therapist can help.

Making Big Life Decisions In Scary Times

We’ve heard the word “unprecedented” a few too many times in the last two years. But what we’re living through right now is scary and unpredictable–most of us have not lived through something like this before. So we’re all having to learn as we go, adjust to new normals every few months, and be gentle with ourselves as we learn. 

But this uncertainty makes decision making, and making big changes really, really scary! Think back to March of 2020–at first we thought covid was something we could get under control with just a few weeks of quarantine. But now, we’re in a totally different place that many of us couldn’t predict way back at the start of this. 

There has been a lot of putting things on hold during the Covid pandemic. Events like weddings or festivals have been canceled and rescheduled and postponed, and have altogether been pretty hard to plan for, because the waves of the pandemic are hard to plan for! So how can you even go about making big life decisions in scary times like this? When at the start of the pandemic it seemed like putting off things like switching jobs or trying for a baby or buying a house made sense, we’re now almost two years into it and we have to start reevaluating whether we’re really serving ourselves by continuing to put our lives on hold until “after” the pandemic. 

Give your gut a chance to talk

What’s your initial instinct when thinking about whatever decision you’re trying to make? What do you imagine first? Explore that fantasy a bit. Let your gut tell you what your dream scenario for the next phase of your life is. If you keep coming back to one thing, even if you can’t articulate why, that’s probably your intuition trying to talk to you! Your instincts are stronger than you know, give them a chance to speak before overthinking every part of your decision.  

Explore your motivations

Why do you want to make this choice? Is it truly what you want, or are you feeling pressure to do it? Is it not what you want, but it would solve a problem for you? Is there another way to solve the problem? Are you just looking for any change, and you think this will do? Take some time to sit with why you want to make the choice you want to make. Explore what that’s telling you about your current situation, and what you want in the future. 

Get a snack and sleep on it

You’d be surprised at the effect hunger and sleep deprivation can have on your mood, your emotions, your stress tolerance, your problem solving skills, etc. Sometimes when a big decision comes up and it feels like life or death, we might just be at a point where we’ve pushed ourselves too far. No one decision will “make or break” you, you don’t need to carry all of that pressure! Take stock of how you’re feeling about your choices when you’re overwhelmed, and then: get something to eat and get a little rest. Come back rested with more energy and see how you feel then. 

It doesn’t have to be right forever, it just has to be right, right now

Lots of us put so much pressure on big life decisions because we try to imagine how that choice will impact the rest of our lives. Now for some things that’s true–things like having a baby will definitely change your life drastically from now, until the end. But other things aren’t so permanent. You can change jobs, and in a couple of years you might realize that job actually isn’t for you. Just because you decided it was right for you when you took it, doesn’t mean you’re locked in forever! We change and grow all of the time, and often in ways we could never have predicted. That’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s something to nurture. You are constantly becoming a newer, truer version of yourself. If that means changing your mind somewhere down the line, that’s okay!  

Make peace with what this choice takes away

Let’s say you’re switching jobs. While on the one hand you’re entering a new environment, maybe a new field, learning new skills and meeting new people (all exciting things!)–you also do have to say goodbye to some things. Your old job, the trajectory it had for your overall career, the opportunities it may have brought you, etc. It’s okay if it’s hard to say goodbye to something that doesn’t serve you anymore. You can feel sad about what you’re leaving behind, even when you know it’s the right choice. Take time to truly consider what you will need to say goodbye to, maybe even write a letter to those things. Let them know what they meant to you, how they helped support you to get to this point where you could make a change. 

Make the choice based on where you are now, not where you wish you were:

It can be scary to make big life changes, so the idea of waiting for the “perfect” time is obviously appealing! And to most of us, the perfect time to make a big change in our lives is not in the midst of a global pandemic. But we can’t wish our way out of it, and we can’t predict when it will end. So imagining all of your decisions as post-pandemic choices just keeps you stagnant, and possibly, unhappy. When making these big decisions, don’t think to yourself, “well if there was no pandemic…” because, awful and difficult as it is, there is a pandemic. As much as we all wish we could move on and never have to think about the pandemic again, as of right now adjusting to living with it and finding a new normal is our daily life. Accept that the perfect circumstances might not come, but that you deserve to seek out the life you want even in imperfect times. 

If you’re looking for more ways to gain confidence and feel empowered by the decisions you make, our counselors can provide a safe and compassionate space for you to explore your needs and what’s getting in the way of meeting them. Get in touch today to get started! 

6 Little Ways to Improve Your Romantic Relationship

Improving any relationship may seem like a daunting task, especially a romantic relationship. After all, it’s hard for people to change! It seems like making any sort of meaningful change would take a long time and a lot of effort. Big changes and shifts often do take time and patience, but there are lots of little ways to improve your romantic relationships that can add up over time. 

Romantic relationships often feel like they have higher stakes, partially because as a culture we value intimate relationships more than platonic ones. That’s why there are a million resources out there about how to deal with a romantic breakup, but not nearly as many on dealing with friendship breakups, for example. So when things are tough in your romantic relationship, you might feel particularly distressed.

This is also because our romantic partners are often a major source of support in our lives, and a main part of our family. The idea of losing that support, whether it’s a possibility or just a worry, can be devastating. It can be tough to know where to start when you’re feeling like your relationship could be improved. 

First, decide what improving your relationship means to you. For some people, this will mean increased intimacy (physical or emotional), for others it might mean fewer disagreements. What would a “better” relationship look like for you? How would you like to feel in your relationship, and what is in the way of feeling that now? Taking some time to figure out what you want can help you decide how best to move forward. 

If you’re looking for suggestions for little ways to improve your relationship, here are 6 ways: 

Spend time away from each other

This might sound counterintuitive, but couples who don’t spend every minute together tend to be happier. When you spend all of your time together, you leave no room to miss one another. It’s also kind of boring - when you already know exactly how they spend all their time, what is there to talk about? Dedicated time apart can help you feel more excited to come together again and fill each other in on all the details of what you did while you weren’t together. 

Be present mentally when you’re together

It’s all too easy to end the day winding down on the couch, scrolling through your phone, especially as the days get shorter and colder. Even if you spend a lot of time together with your partner, how much of that time is spent being present mentally, and how much of that time is spent distracted? There’s always going to be something to look at online or on your phone, but there aren’t unlimited moments to connect with your partner. When you’re together, at least some of the time, try to make an effort to be present with each other. That means putting down your phones, making eye contact, and actively listening to each other. We promise, it’s worth it!

Stop trying to read each other's' minds

When you’ve been with someone a long time, you probably know pretty well how they think. However, that doesn’t mean that you can read their mind, or that they can read yours. There are lots of disagreements between couples that could be resolved with some direct communication, instead of making assumptions. If you’re not sure about something, ask! 

Make time to laugh together

When was the last time you and your partner had a really good laugh together? There’s a lot of tension and stress in the world, and that only tends to increase at the end of the year. Finding ways to bond over positive things can help you feel closer to one another. Making time to laugh together is also a great way to remind yourself that you love and enjoy spending time together. Watching a show or a comedy special that you both love can help get the laughter flowing and leave you feeling closer. 

Go to bed at the same time 

Life is busy, and it’s hard to find time to spend with your partner sometimes. Going to bed at the same time at night gives you an opportunity for some alone time every day. Take advantage of it! Also, everything seems better after a good night’s sleep, so getting some quality shut-eye can do a world of good when you’re just having one of those days. 

Notice the little things

When you’re in a routine with someone, it can be hard to break out of it. One way to keep things interesting in a relationship is to make an effort to notice the little things. Compliment your partner, acknowledge things they do, remember the things they say, and keep track of what’s important to them. Knowing that someone cares about all the little details of your life is a great feeling, and can lead to feeling closer to one another. 

If you’re looking for more ways to improve your relationship, couples therapy can give you a safe and compassionate space to explore and grow closer. Get in touch today to get started! 

Keeping Peace with Your Body During the Holiday Season

Happy December!

We’re now into the last month of 2021, can you believe it? And this month brings many opportunities for celebrations with it. From belated “friendsgiving” parties, various religious holiday celebrations, and New Year’s get-togethers, there is a lot of space for joy at the end of the year. But there’s also a lot of pressure and stress associated with this season! And one thing that people really struggle with is maintaining peace with their body and how it might change this season. 

Just like the world around us, we (and our bodies) go through seasons. 

Sometimes we’re active and energetic, sometimes we’re developing new skills and growing, and sometimes we’re finding ways to provide rest and rejuvenation to ourselves. 

In winter, with the cold weather and darker days, our bodies naturally produce more melatonin, and use up lots of energy staying warm. When that happens, we feel more tired, depleted, and basically like we want to stay cozied up in bed until springtime comes. (This is also what contributes to seasonal affective disorder.)

On top of this, usually in winter the weather is worse. It’s cold and unpredictable and harder to physically be out in. So we’re not walking to places we might walk to in better weather, outdoor hobbies like hiking or kayaking or various sports are on hold until spring. All of this adds up to us being naturally a little more sedentary in the winter. And that’s not a bad thing! 

Just like trees lose their leaves and pause their growth to preserve energy in the winter, we need periods of rest too. 

We don’t consider the tree lazy for falling asleep until spring, so why would our increased need for rest be a bad thing?

There are also social impacts to our bodies this season. While our energy and movement is lower than the rest of the year, it’s also a season of lots and lots of celebrations. And these celebrations are often heavily food-centered. Getting together for big meals, cookie exchanges, etc.–it’s hard to avoid food based parties this time of year. And, we also look forward to a lot of this food all year long! Of course we want to enjoy it. 

So if we’re needing to be more restful while also having more opportunities to enjoy food with loved ones, then naturally weight gain will be a common change we can see in our bodies this time of year. But, while all of these things may make sense, if you struggle with your body image, it can be an emotionally difficult time of year. If you find your relationship with your body image straining this time of year, here are four things to remind yourself of this season: 

Weight changes are morally neutral:

There are many things that contribute to changes in weight (both gain & loss) that have nothing to do with “calories in, calories out.” Things like your genetics, your environment, your socioeconomic status, sudden health or financial challenges, and your mental health. In fact weight changes happen to all of us all of the time. Most people do not stay at one weight the majority of their adult lives–as our circumstances change, so do our bodies. Weight changes don’t reflect any sort of moral failing or lack of self-discipline, they simply reflect a period of change. 

Food is not good or bad:

When people say food is “good” or “bad” usually what they mean is “healthy” or “unhealthy.” However, even this distinction is unhelpful and unintentionally harmful. We need some foods because they nourish our physical health and we need other foods because they nourish our emotional health. So much tradition and community and closeness can be passed down through food: the prepping of it and the cooking of it and the sharing of it. Those foods might not necessarily be “healthy” in the sense that they aren’t nutrient dense but they are healthy in the sense that they are something to enjoy and savor with loved ones, which nurtures our mental and emotional health. Instead of seeing food as “good” or “bad” foods, try to reframe these labels. Don’t ask if it’s good or bad or healthy or unhealthy, but if it’s physically nourishing or emotionally nourishing. 

There’s a motive to the messaging:

The fitness and diet culture industries are in full swing this time of year, knowing that we’ll be surrounded by opportunities to be cozy with full stomachs, happy & content with loved ones.  You’ll likely start to see messages about restricting your calorie intake or using the new year to shed the weight of any “guilty pleasure” foods you “indulged” in over the holiday. These messages might be framed as being for your health, but health is never so black and white. Instead, it’s a message intended to make you feel guilty about things completely natural to humans (enjoying food and living in a body that changes) so that they can make money selling you a “solution” to these “problems.” If it truly was about your health it would be individual, personalized care. No stranger on the internet or at a gym knows anything about your health or what influences it! 

You’re allowed to set boundaries:

Diet culture is so permeated in our culture, it’s hard to avoid it, especially diet talk. It’s so common, many people don’t even realize they’re doing it! Like your aunt who takes a cookie and talks about how she’s “naughty” for eating something she “shouldn’t.” These kinds of comments are so common, half the time we don’t even clock them as part of diet culture. But when you’re working on making and keeping peace with your body, these comments can be harmful and grating! It can be helpful to have a few phrases that politely but directly shut down that sort of talk around you like:

• “Let’s not talk about calories and just enjoy our time together.”

• “My body will tell me when I’m full, I don’t need to restrict myself.” 

• “We’ve all worked so hard on the food we brought to share, let’s not refer to it as ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’”

If you’re looking for support as you heal your relationship to your body, therapy can be a great place to start. Contact us today and our expert clinicians can help.