7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

When was the last time you learned something new about yourself? One of the wonderful parts of being a person is that the journey to get to know yourself is never-ending. We grow and change all the time, depending on what’s going on in the world, our relationships, and how we feel about all of it. It’s not always easy to keep up with the changes, even when they’re happening to us. 

Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others. 

Getting to know yourself requires self-compassion. No one wants to get closer to someone who is mean to them! When you practice being kind and compassionate toward yourself, it will be easier to apply that to others as well. Understanding yourself is the gift that keeps on giving! 

If you’re looking for ways to get to know yourself better, here are 7 ideas:

Consider your values

Have you ever explicitly thought about what you value? Not just in a partner or in a job, but in your life. It’s not something we commonly think about, so it’s okay if you’ve never considered it before! Step one to understanding yourself is to understand what is important to you. What you value is a key to what is important to you, so take some time to write down a list of values that are important to you. 

Try new things 

You never know if you’ll like something until you try! One fun way to understand yourself better is to go out of your way to try new things. Try out new hobbies or activities that sound interesting to you. See if you can find any local clubs or organizations that host events. Social media is a great place to check - often many businesses make their events public so you can easily search them and see what’s going on in your area. 

Recall what you liked as a child

What did you like when you were little? What were you instinctively drawn to? Use that as a jumping off point to get to know your adult self. What has changed since you were little? Is there anything you loved then that you don’t like now, and vice versa? If you’re stuck on new things to do or try from the last suggestion, try to use your inner child for ideas. What would little you like to do? 

Take an assessment 

A psychological assessment is a fantastic way to understand your brain on a deeper level. Psychological assessments can be done for any number of reasons, including wanting to understand yourself better. You don’t have to be concerned that you have a diagnosis, although that is another great reason to get tested. Psychological assessments can measure things like intellectual ability, academic functioning, memory and learning, language, visuo-spatial functioning, executive functioning, attention and concentration, emotional functioning, and behavioral functioning, and personality. An assessment can help provide you with a plan to guide you forward in a way that works with your strengths. 

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal is helpful for mental health in so many ways. A journal is a place where you can open up, and it can be helpful for spotting patterns in your thinking and behavior. Keep a journal for a few weeks and look back over the entries - is there anything that comes up multiple times that surprises you? Follow that thread to uncover something new about yourself. 

Learn to listen when you are communicating with yourself

There are a number of reasons why it’s tough to tune into what your mind and body are telling you. You might not be familiar with the way that your body or brain speaks to you. For example, many people have a hard time understanding their body’s hunger and fullness cues after years of restriction and dieting. When you’ve spent so long trying not to notice what your body is saying, it can be really hard to tune back in. Try to keep a note or journal entry where you notice when you are communicating with yourself. Anytime you get a gut feeling, or you hear a tiny voice in your head, try to focus on it instead of pushing it away. 

Practice mindfulness

Getting to know yourself better requires honesty and zero judgment. It’s hard to discover things about yourself if you are beating yourself up for what you find. A regular mindfulness practice can be a great way to train yourself to stop judging your thoughts. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment, not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. There are lots of ways to practice mindfulness - you can meditate, you can journal, you can walk or dance, you can make art - anything that lets you quiet your brain down so you can simply notice what’s coming up. The trick is to just notice - not to judge or hide. Mindfulness is helpful because it can be used just about anywhere - all you need is your brain. 

If you’re getting to know yourself better, you can get an assessment at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead.

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

How creative are you? Creativity often brings to mind artists or musicians, but there are infinite ways to be creative. You might not consider yourself creative at all, and that’s okay. We tend to think of creativity as something that you either have or don’t, but the truth is that you can become more creative. Cultivating creativity can help boost your self-esteem, improve your work performance, and leave you feeling more fulfilled. 

Every person has the ability to be creative, but we don’t always nurture that ability. Creativity is definitely seen as important to a degree, but we also prize productivity and there’s a myth that creativity can get in the way of that. In fact, the opposite is true. Creativity can help boost productivity in and out of the workplace by helping people to thinking outside the box and problem solve in new ways. 

Even though creativity is a part of everything, some people frown on creativity or think that creating isn’t a worthwhile way to spend time. We all have responsibilities and commitments, but we also all deserve to feel joy and rest. There can be a balance between being creative and being productive, if that’s what you want. Creativity itself can also help with productivity - you can see multiple points of view and approach problems from new perspectives, which can help get things done.

If you’re interested in cultivating creativity in yourself, there are some steps you can take to encourage that! Here are our top tips to cultivate creativity: 

Be curious

One of the keys to creativity is curiosity. Creative folks ask questions. They want to know and understand more. Keep track of the things that make you curious. You can keep a list on your phone or in a journal to see what draws your attention. What are you drawn to? What do you want to know more about? If you’re still getting stuck, go back into your memories. What made you curious as a kid? What were you drawn to back then? Chances are, you still like a lot of that same stuff. See how it feels to explore it now, as an adult. 

Build your confidence

It can be hard to be creative if you don’t have confidence in yourself. Creating is vulnerable. You’re making something out of yourself, and it can be hard to feel confident in sharing that with others. Some folks feel impostor syndrome about creativity - where they feel they aren’t creative enough, they’re just pretending. If that comes up for you, building up your confidence is a helpful step. Set yourself up to succeed at something. If you’re nervous about sharing your creative side with others, pick one person close to you to talk about it with. Pick someone who is a big fan of yours and will be enthusiastic about it. Once you have one good interaction under your belt, it might be easier to talk about. 

Set up a ritual

Sometimes it’s hard to get in the habit of being creative when it’s not something you’re used to. Rituals can help you get in the right mindset to be creative so your brain knows it’s time to create. You can have a simple ritual like lighting a candle before sitting in your creative space, or you can be more involved. Find something that works for you. It can also be helpful to try to tap into your creative energy in a designated space. This isn’t to limit your ability to be creative, but to help you focus on creativity while you’re in that space. Is there a corner where you can set up a little table and keep the things that inspire you? Decorate the area with things that make you feel inspired or curious to stoke that creative fire. 

Be consistent

Another aspect of creativity is consistency. People that are creative are consistently committed to creativity. They make time for it, whether or not they feel like it, and whether or not they produce something. Creativity is like a muscle, and using it over and over will make it easier to access in the future. Set aside a regular chunk of time every week to devote yourself to being creative. You don’t have to have any goals other than have a good time. You don’t have to make anything social media worthy or perfect. Just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow.

Remember that failure is normal

Finally, it’s important to remember that failure is a part of life. It’s really hard to be creative when you’re paralyzed by the fear of failure or rejection. Creativity is about the journey, not the destination. So if you create something that doesn’t work out or doesn’t do well, that doesn’t mean it was a waste of time! At the very least, you’ve learned more about what doesn’t work and that can help you next time. If the fear of not being successful or good enough is holding you back, consider what it would feel like to live your whole life without exploring your creative side. That would probably feel pretty bad, right? If you’re still concerned about what people will think or if you’ll be judged, try to release yourself from the expectations of other people. Your job is to do what’s right for you, and you’re the expert on your own life. You get to decide what works for you! 

If you’re looking for more ways to expand your creativity, therapy can be a great place to explore it. Our clinicians can help you find ways to support your particular creative style, so get in touch today!

Naming Your Emotions

Do you know how to name your emotions?

It sounds easy, but it can be harder than we imagine. Often when our feelings are so strong or overwhelming, it’s hard to actually pick out what specific emotions you’re feeling. But learning to name your emotions is important and can help you manage them better so that you don’t find yourself getting as overwhelmed by them. 

Have you heard the phrase name it to tame it? It a phrase psychologist Dan Siegel introduced to summarize a series of studies that all supported the idea that this process of naming our emotions in itself helps us to self soothe. 

Instead of feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed by your emotions, learning to identify them not only kickstarts that self soothing process, but also helps you to unpack where that discomfort is coming from. When you know how you’re feeling, you can start to get into the why.

What happens when we don’t name our emotions?

Do they just go away? Nope! Ignoring our emotions does not make them go away, so there is really no benefit to not naming our emotions. In fact, when we ignore how we’re feeling, the feeling often intensifies, and can manifest in physical symptoms–your body’s way of demanding you pay attention to what you’re feeling. 

Not naming our emotions impacts other areas of our life as well, not just our physical health. It can also impact our relationships! Our feelings impact our behavior–if you’re feeling anxious, you’ll behave differently than when you’re feeling joy, etc. Without communicating what you’re feeling, your behavior can be interpreted incorrectly by friends and loved ones, or closeness in relationships can suffer. Understanding your feelings helps you understand how they impact how you behave with everyone in your life, and also gives you an opportunity to be open with those around about how you’re feeling so they know how to best support you. 

So how can you practice naming your emotions?

Use the Feelings Wheel

The feelings wheel is a great place to start if you’ve never tried identifying your feelings before. The wheel starts with 7 general emotions (bad, fearful, angry, disgusted, sad, happy, surprised) at the center, and as the rings move outward, the terms get more and more specific. So if you only know that you feel angry, you can use that as a jumping off point and go outwards until you find the specific thing you’re feeling. 

Pay attention to your Physical Sensations

Naming your feelings might feel impossible, so instead focus on how those feelings are showing up. What sensations are you feeling in your body? Physical sensations are also linked to our emotions; things like tension in the neck, clenched teeth, headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, shakiness, sweating, etc. can all be expressions of upset or anxious feelings. When you noticed these sensations in your body, stop and think about them. Is there a reason you’d be feeling those sensations (ex. Did you not have caffeine so you have a headache or are you outside in 90º weather so you’re sweating, etc.) or was it triggered by something and could be reflective of a larger emotional response?

Learning to tune into and understand how we’re feeling is hard work, so don’t be hard on yourself if it take you a while to get to a place where you do it naturally. If you’re looking for support in this, our clinicians can help you.  

Setting Boundaries: Why You Should & What to Say

What is a boundary?

A boundary is something that is used to protect your mental, emotional and physical energy. They are “bounds” we put on ourselves within different relationships to make it clear “hey this is my limit! That’s all I can handle before I need to rest/recharge/spend time alone/etc.” Boundaries are not punishments we use to keep people away from us. In fact, they kind of operate as the opposite! When we have healthy boundaries, we’re able to show up much more fully in our relationships–which will bring us closer to the people in our lives, not further away. 

There are several areas in our lives where boundaries are useful. These include: 

• Material: AKA your things. What is yours? What’s to share? What is sacred/special to you? How do you share? (can people take and let you know, do you want them to ask permission first, etc.) 

• Relational: AKA your interactions with others. This involves determining what’s appropriate in your different relationships. How personal are you within each relationship? How much of your time/energy/etc are you willing to devote within relationships? Who will you go out of your way for? Who can just pop over to your house? Who do you feel comfortable loaning money to? What forms of communication outside of in-person are you comfortable with? Do you have boundaries on who you follow/interact with on social media? Who are you comfortable sharing your address with? 

• Physical: AKA your space & body. This would be things like who comes over to your house, who is allowed in your bedroom, who has your address. It also of course includes boundaries regarding your body, like who can touch you, when you’re open to being touched by others, how you’re comfortable being touched, your personal space, etc. These boundaries are all about how people can behave around you and in your space. 

• Time: AKA your time–how do you want to use it? When you have obligation-free time, how much of that is devoted to social time, and how much is devoted to alone time? This can also cover how you tend to prioritize when hard choices come up and you can’t balance everything like you thought you could. For example, if something comes up that makes two obligations conflict with one another, how will you decide which to skip/reschedule/etc.? 

• Emotional: AKA your emotions -- how do you separate your feelings from that of another person’s? How will you take responsibility for your own emotions versus that of another’s? Or avoid letting another person’s feelings influence or dictate your own? 

Setting boundaries isn’t just deciding on your own limits and operating under the assumption that everyone will learn them as you go.

They are things that require clear communication in order to work! While the boundaries you set might be clear and obvious to you, you’re a unique person! What makes sense to you might not be what makes sense to someone else. When you’ve decided on a boundary, make sure you communicate it to the relevant people so that everyone has the opportunity to honor the boundary. 

Setting boundaries also often means needing to reinforce them. 

Whether intentionally or not, boundaries get violated sometimes! If someone slips up and crosses a boundary you’ve set, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. We all get a little scatterbrained sometimes, they may have momentarily forgotten the boundary you set with them. Just gently remind them of it, and let them know it’s something very important to you. 

Because discussing boundaries can make us feel so vulnerable, some of us have a tendency to react drastically when they are violated. There can be an urge to cut people off automatically–an attitude of “if they can’t respect my boundary they can’t be in my life.” Which is appropriate when a boundary has been repeatedly ignored or violated! However, if it’s the first time it’s happening, it likely was not done out of malice. Address the issue directly, and move on if there is no improvement.  

Below are some examples of ways you can begin conversations about boundaries: 

Setting boundaries: 

• “I’m open to you just dropping by, but please just text me when you’re on your way so I have a little notice. I want to be more flexible because I know it’s important to you but I will feel less anxious if I have a small amount of structure or routine.” 

• “There are a few groceries I paid for separately–please ask me before you use them, I bought them as a special treat for myself. Everything else we can share as usual.” 

• “Please ask me before you borrow my clothes. I’m happy to lend them to you, but sometimes I have plans and I want to wear certain things, so just ask me if I need the piece before you borrow it.” 

• “I’m not in a spot where I can loan you money right now, but I’d like to support you any other way I can. Is there anything else I can help take off of your plate while you manage this problem?” 

• “I’m happy you feel comfortable around me, but I’m not ready to move forward in our relationship yet. I’d like to go on a few more dates before kissing/going back to your place/labeling the relationship.”

• “I appreciate the invite! Since it’s last minute, I’ve already made plans with myself, but I’d like to see you sometime soon! When’s the next time you’ll be free for lunch?” 

Reaffirming boundaries:

• “I just want to remind you to please not discuss diets with me. I don’t find it appropriate for the workplace. If it’s going to be a topic of conversation please let me know so I can remove myself from the area.”

• “I’ve enjoyed dating you but if I have to keep reminding you to slow down like we’ve discussed, I can’t continue seeing you.” 

• “I just want to remind you that I don’t answer work calls/emails after X. You can leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you when I’m back in the office!” 

• “I’m a little frustrated because I’ve mentioned this several times before. If you continue to violate this boundary, I’m going to have to do what’s best for me and not spend time with you anymore.” 

• “I’ve told you before I’m not comfortable with that, please stop asking me.” 

• “Hey, just wanted to remind you that the groceries I marked and put away separately were ones I bought specifically for myself. I know we usually share, so I understand if you forgot! Just going forward if you could not eat those specific items I would really appreciate it.” 

If you need support setting and communicating your boundaries, we can help. Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!

Learning to Reparent Your Inner Child

What is your inner child?

Have you heard the term “inner child” before? Your inner child is exactly what it sounds like: it is you, the younger version of you, still inside of your mind. Imagine that as you grow, you are not outgrowing past versions of yourself, but rather growing around them. So they are still there, inside of you. 

And that means that their dreams, their needs, their fears, are also still inside you. If your needs were neglected as a child, there is still a version of you inside of who you are today, hurting from that neglect. 

The key to healing that hurt is to tap into your inner child. Become aware of that vulnerable version of yourself, learn about their hopes and dreams and fears. And then, to heal those neglected wounds, act as both child and parent within yourself. This is called reparenting your inner child.

What does it mean to reparent your inner child?

Reparenting your inner child, as we said above, is about healing past wounds that still exist within you. When your inner child feels safe and loved and listened to, you help to rewrite your own makeup. 

If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. And that fear has likely affected your life as an adult–even though the experience was so long ago. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself. 

You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

When you start building a life that makes your inner child feel safe and loved and listened to, you are able to let go of those coping mechanisms you used when you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to. In this way, inner child work helps you reach the future you want by healing your past wounds. 

How can you take care of your inner child?

So how do you start going about inner child work? Inner child work is a long process that involves you taking intentional time to get to know yourself, examine your emotional reactions to things, and really investigate where those instincts come from. Talk therapy is one of the best ways to do this, but there are things you can do on your own to get started or to continue work done in sessions. 

These things can include: 

• Journaling: try writing a journal entry from the perspective of your inner child; write a letter from yourself to your inner child; write after a high emotion incident, and try to explore where your feelings came from; write about something that happened recently that reminded you of a time when you were a child, etc. 

• Talking it out: ask your friends if they ever feel like they are back as the childlike version of themselves, see what experiences you have in common

• Giving into playful urges: there is a pressure to be serious and mature all of the time, but if your desires as a child were neglected, giving yourself the experiences you desired as a child but weren’t allowed can be incredibly healing

• Keep a log: when you notice your inner child coming out, if you don’t want to sit down and journal or talk it out every time, just make a quick note on how they’re showing up. Then, you can look back on all the times you’ve noticed and see what they have in common, what desire or need or fear they are expressing to you.

If you need more ideas for how to go about tuning into and reparenting your inner child, or have questions about how it could help,  our clinicians can help you. 

Racial Justice Resources

Over the last few weeks, the Black Lives Matter Movement has become hypervisible on social media. While not a new movement by any means, the exposure we have had to racial injustice in this country over the last month has drawn more attention than ever to the work–both community based and internal–that non-Black Americans have to do. 

As attention on the movement on social media begins to die down, we wanted to share a small directory of racial justice resources. Anti-racism is lifelong work that will often feel uncomfortable. But it’s important to commit to that lifetime of learning, listening, and doing better if we ever want to see real change. 

Here are some resources that can help you navigate this work: 

Books to Read:

• Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

• How to Be an Anti Racist by Ibram X Kendi

• Are Prisons Obsolete? By Angela Davis

• The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

• The End to Policing by Alex Vitale

Directories, Resource Documents & Syllabi:

• Dismantling Racism Resources

• Anti-Racism Resources Doc

• Ways to Help Directory

• Justice in June Lesson Plan

• Free Intro to Critical Race Course

• Anti-Racist Resource Guide

Voices to Follow and Learn From: 

• Layla F Saad

• Decolonizing Therapy

• @urdoinggreat (Gem)

• Alishia McCullough

• Monique Melton

• @mpd_150

• @decolonizemyself

• Raquel Willis

• @brandonkgood

• @officialmillennialblack

• @kinsalehues

• Annika Hansteen-Izora

• Victoria Alexander

Things to remember: 

• Lots of intellectual labor has been provided by Black folks for free. If you are using the resources they have taken the time to put together (and have the financial means yourself) look for ways they would like to be compensated. This could be a venmo/paypal link, a link to an organization they are trying to raise money for, etc. 

• Google is your friend! Jumping into this work can be confusing and overwhelming. When you come across something you don’t understand, instead of asking for free labor from BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color), take time to do your own research. 

• You are going to mess up. None of us are perfect–and there isn’t an expectation that we have to be. Your character and intentions will be shown through how well you respond to & listen to criticism, rather than through magically never saying the wrong thing. 

• Allyship is an action, not an identity. You can’t be an ally without practicing allyship. This means finding ways in your life that you can help. That can be protesting, signing petitions, educating family members, donating money, etc. The most important thing to remember about allyship is that it is not one and done. To be an ally you must continually practice allyship–not just go to one protest and call it a day. 

Free, Affordable or Accessible Therapy Resources for Black folks: 

• The Loveland Foundation: provides financial assistance to Black women & girls seeking therapy

• Boris Lawerence Henson Foundation: a nonprofit organization founded by Taraji P. Henson, currently offering free therapy Up to five sessions) to BIPOC who have recently experienced trauma 

• Ethel’s Club: Mental wellness community resource that offers free & subscription mental health services for BIPOC

• Black Men Heal: Pro-Bono Quality Therapy for Men of Color by Providers of Color

If you need support, or have questions about self care in tumultuous times,  our counselors can help you. 

How Creativity Helps Mental Health

Why is creativity important for mental health?

Creativity in any form helps us to express our feelings. Whether that’s through writing, singing, dancing, painting, sculpting, etc., creativity gives us an outlet to be freely vulnerable and authentic. 

When we don’t give ourselves space to release our feelings, they actually can do more damage to us. Bottling things up can make us anxious, tense, even physically ill. But so many of us do it because we don’t know any other way to deal with our feelings! We don’t want to overreact to something, so we push away any emotional reaction. We don’t want to seem dramatic or weak or scared, so instead of letting ourselves explore those feelings, we just lock them up and hope they don’t bother us anymore. 

Finding a creative outlet that works for you is a wonderful, healthy way to unlock those feelings and release them without creating greater conflict in our lives. And giving ourselves the space to release those feelings gives us a chance to explore them. 

Through art, music, movement, or other forms of expression we can start to unpack and understand our feelings, and what those feelings are telling us about ourselves, our needs, and our desires. 

The benefits of creativity can include: 

1. Self discovery

2. Higher self esteem

3. Lower stress levels

4. Emotional release

What gets in the way of creativity?

It can be hard to find time for creativity. 

Work/life balance is already tricky for people to prioritize and maintain, so when we start thinking about adding more into that balance we get anxious, exhausted, and reluctant. 

It’s important to remember that giving yourself space to explore your feelings and to be creative without the expectation that goes along with our work lives (productivity, perfection, etc.) can help to recharge you and actually give you more energy.

Carrying the weight of unexplored and unexpressed feelings takes both a mental and physical toll. It makes you tired, weary, unmotivated. It can make it difficult to get through seemingly easy tasks because you are so weighed down. Learning to prioritize this type of self care can help you to show up for yourself, 100%. 

Ways you can add creativity in your life:

There are endless ways for you to add creativity to your life. Which is great! But it can also make it overwhelming to figure out where to start. And it means that some things won’t work for you. You might have to try a few different outlets to figure out what you really enjoy and what benefits you the most. 

To help you, I’ve put together this list of creative outlets you can try in your own life: 

1. Journaling

2. Writing short stories

3. Drawing

4. Painting

5. Making collages

6. Singing

7. Dancing

8. Playing and instrument

9. Photography 

10. Sewing 

11. Knitting

12. Embroidery

13. Making clothing

14. Acting 

15. Learning an instrument

16. Writing music 

17. Crafting

18. Cooking

If you need more ideas for how to add creativity into your life, or have questions about how it could help,  our counselors can help you. 

6 Journaling Prompts to Help You Examine Your Relationships

It is a strange and scary time right now. 

With the spread of COVID-19 many of us are worried for our own health, worried for the health of loved ones, and we’re all facing a huge shift in our daily lives. Whether it’s due to increased professional stress (both increased work for essential workers, and loss of work for non-essential folks), health stress, or personal stress from self-quarantining–we’re all facing big life changes now. 

And while it can definitely be frightening and overwhelming, this can also be a time to do some self reflection. Taking care of ourselves is more important now than ever, and that includes our mental and social wellbeing. 

Along with making sure we’re giving ourselves lots of good foods, rest, and following social distancing guidelines, we should make time to check in with the status and health of our various relationships. 

It might seem odd–since social distancing is restricting our capabilities to be social in many ways (though not completely!)–to focus on relationships right now. But the distancing can actually help to provide us with new, useful and interesting insights to our own needs. 

Often we take our social lives and relationships for granted, and this new space and distance between all of us can help to shed some light on what types of relationships bring us comfort, which relationships are reciprocal, which are fulfilling–and which are not. 

That’s why today I’ve put together a list of journaling prompts for you to use to examine your relationships while in self-quarantine. 

Prompt: “I feel most seen + loved when…”

Knowing what makes us feel loved the most is the first step in cultivating relationships that provide those things. When we explore what makes us feel seen, known, and loved, we are giving ourselves permission to acknowledge our own needs. And then, with that acknowledgement, and the knowledge of what makes us feel the most loved, we can then share that information with our loved ones. Even if it feels silly (ex.: “I like it when you text me X times a day”) it’s important to recognize and share what makes you feel loved! Knowing and sharing your favorite ways to be loved gives the people in your life (friends, family, partners) the opportunity to express their love for you in a way that will mean the most to you. 

Prompt: “My relationships provide….”

This is a good prompt to examine the overall health of your relationships. Take a look at the significant relationships in your life (partners, close friends, etc.) What do those relationships provide? Is it support? Love? Advice? Joy? If you can’t figure out what positive things are being provided within your relationships, it may be time to examine whether that relationship has run its course. If a friendship only provides you and the friend a space to come together and gossip or talk negatively about yourselves and others, it may be time to let the friendship go. 

It also helps to examine what it is you actually want your relationships to provide. What are the needs you can meet on your own, and what are the needs you need help from others meeting? Use this as a guiding principle when forming new or evaluating existing relationships.

Prompt: “Conversations with [name] make me feel…”

Think about the most significant relationships in your life currently. Are they providing what you need? Do they make you feel supported? Imagine you just had dinner with them. What are you feeling after that dinner? Refreshed? Happy? Supported? Or are you drained? Frustrated? Tense? Taking time to examine the feelings we get after interacting with the different people in our lives helps us to determine which relationships in our lives are healthy, and which are not. 

Prompt: “I feel drained in relationships that…”

What is it that drains you in a relationship? Think back to a relationship (romantic or platonic) that has left you feeling burned out or drained. What was it about that relationship that made you feel that way? Were boundaries crossed or ignored? Was there constant negative talk? Did you feel like you couldn’t be your true self?

Prompt: “I feel tense when thinking about my relationship with….”

Is there a relationship in your life that needs your attention? Identifying which relationships leave you feeling tense can help you work out exactly what it is that makes you feel tense within those relationships. And knowing what triggers that feeling in your relationships helps inform you what you should be looking out for when forming new relationships–and what to address with those people who do leave you feeling drained. 

Prompt: “I feel relieved & supported when thinking about my relationship with…”

On the flip side of the last prompt, it’s equally important to learn which relationships make us feel our best. It can help teach you which “green flags” to look out for when making new relationships, and which needs to express in other relationships that may need some attention. 

Prompt: “I feel like the best version of myself with…” or “I’m comfortable being vulnerable with…”

What are the conditions within relationships that allow you to feel comfortable being your truest, or best self? What conditions allow you to feel comfortable being vulnerable? Feeling comfortable being vulnerable is a major part of healthy relationships, so figuring out exactly what helps you to feel like that will help you replicate that in other relationships, and will let you know what to look out for (and what to avoid) as you form new relationships. 

You may have noticed that many of these journal prompts, while about relationship reflection, actually took the form of self reflection. That’s because, in order to thrive in relationships, we first need to learn about ourselves. When we know our needs, wants, and deal breakers, we are able to show up 100% in our relationships. And when we are able to show up fully, we are able to make the most of the relationships in our lives. 

If you need some extra support in figuring out how to start your journey of self care and self reflection, we can help. Contact us today! 

therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!