9 Commonly Asked Questions About The Therapeutic Process

Deciding to start therapy is an amazing and brave step. 

But it’s also one that comes with a lot of questions–mental health is only beginning to be openly talked about, but even though we seem to be willing to talk about seeking care a little more openly, the process and everything that goes into it is still a mystery for a lot of people. And that uncertainty can make an already vulnerable experience feel even more frightening. 

Since therapy is already a vulnerable experience, we want to help make it as easy and supportive to begin the process as we can, so we’ve put together this list of common questions and further resources for each to help you get started. 

How do I find a therapist that’s right for me?

This is often the biggest hurdle in the process. Even without accounting for things like location,  hourly cost or accepted insurance, it can be daunting to find someone to sit with you while you’re at your most vulnerable, to listen to your areas of insecurity or where you need support or thoughts you wouldn’t share with anyone else. First: remind yourself that it’s okay to feel nervous about this possibility. Don’t try to shove that feeling away out of shame. In fact–when you’re starting the process of therapy, that can be a helpful place to begin. Let your therapist know what apprehension you’re feeling and why–the two of you can explore the fears that come up and ease you into the therapeutic process as you do so. 

There’s a lot that goes into selecting a therapist that is right for you. You need to consider:

1. Your priorities; what are the areas you’re looking for the most support in?

2. Your preferences; do age or gender matter to you? Is it important to have a therapist who shares a marginalized identity that you hope to discuss?

3. What is your location? Are you open to telehealth?

4. Do you know anyone who has gone through the process of finding a therapist before? Can they recommend anywhere to start?

Follow our step by step guide on finding a therapist that’s right for you here. 

What’s the commitment involved in the therapeutic process?

Therapy is a financial and time commitment. It is an investment in yourself and in your ability to examine long-standing patterns in your life with the goal of practicing new, more effective thoughts and behaviors. Such change isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen overnight, but it can profoundly impact your quality of life, including your sense of self, relationships, work, and health. We believe that therapy is one of the most important investments of them all — in yourself and overall well being. When you feel centered, grounded, and comfortable in yourself and in who you are, the rest of your life can fall into place.

What do I need to know before my first therapy session?

When you’re going somewhere new, is it helpful for someone who has been there before to walk you through what to expect? That’s what we did in this blog–click through to read it if you’re coming up on your first therapy session. The basics are: 

1. Check if you need to do paperwork ahead of time

2. Review any contact from your therapist; if there’s anything specific you need to bring with you, they’ll have indicated so in any emails or texts, etc. 

3. Prepare to start with housekeeping; there are administrative logistics to figure out before diving into the work

4. Prepare for your own emotional experience; ask yourself what you need to feel safe being vulnerable in a new situation, and how to ease yourself back into your day after the session is complete.

What should I do with mental health content I see online?

You might be starting your therapy journey because of how social media has helped to normalize discussing mental health issues. And while there are a lot of useful tools and resources online, it’s also important to use your own therapist as a reference. Remember, you’re the expert on your emotional experience and they’re the expert on mental health in general–if you see something online that resonates, bring it up in session and discuss it with your therapist! With the expertise you’re both bringing to the table, you can figure out if there’s something more you need to explore based on the resource you found, or if there’s some context and information you’re missing. 

You can find our best practices on fact checking mental health information on social media here.

Why does the therapeutic relationship matter?

Speaking of therapy content on social media…if you can learn about mental health online, is it necessary to have a therapist of your own? Short answer: yes! Longer answer: information you find online can be a great jumping off point for learning about mental health, but therapy is more than just gaining information. The process doesn’t start and stop with diagnosis! A key part of the healing that happens in therapy? The relationship building between you and your therapist. With a relationship where you’re safe to fully express yourself you can start to learn new relational patterns and heal old wounds. 

Learn more about that here. 

How can you make the most between sessions?

Engaging in therapy is a bigger commitment than 50 minutes once a week. While that will be where you do a lot of hard and vulnerable work, if you’re only showing up in that way for yourself while you’re in session, you’re not getting the most out of the experience. In order to fully engage in the process you have to do things like take time to reflect on what was brought up in session, practice new skills learned, take small risks, etc. This is also something you can discuss with your therapist–how would they recommend you practice what you’re learning in session when you’re on your own? Or to start, check out our guide on how to make the most of your time between sessions.  

What happens when your therapist upsets you? 

Therapy is supposed to be an emotionally safe place for you–but being safe doesn’t mean you’ll never be hurt. It does, however, mean that you can be sure to address that feeling of hurt without worrying about facing repercussions. This is part of how therapy works to write new relationship scripts–it gives you the chance to learn what it feels like to have your hurt heard and honored. 

However, it can be jarring to have your feelings hurt in a place that is supposed to be emotionally supportive. It’s not an insurmountable obstacle, but it can take some patience and practice to learn how to address it when your therapist hurts your feelings. But, when you do take the risk to practice bringing it up, it gets easier to do in your other relationships. 

What to do when you’re dreading your next appointment?

Therapy isn’t always fun. But it’s important to figure out if you’re feeling anxious because the space isn’t emotionally safe for you, or because there’s something else you don’t want to face. Follow this guide to figure out what to do instead of canceling when you’re dreading your next appointment. 

How involved is therapy?

At Hope+Wellness, we believe in tailoring therapy for each individual. Some clients find it therapeutic to talk about their feelings and to explore patterns. Others seek a more active approach, involving interventions, exercises and thoughtful actions to implement outside of therapy. We try to meet each client where they are at and are able to incorporate different approaches if this is what you are looking for as part of therapy. Overall, it is important to consider that you will get out as much as you put in to your work together with your therapist.

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs.

I'm Dreading My Next Therapy Session, What Now

Therapy is a wonderful, vulnerable and sometimes difficult process. 

It can be incredibly rewarding to go through when you commit to the process, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. There is a lot of vulnerability involved in learning to trust your therapist, and building a relationship where you can spend intentional time talking about your fears, things you feel ashamed about, skills you want to work on to improve the relationships most important to you, conflicts you wish you showed up better in, etc. 

It takes a lot of bravery and a lot of patience with yourself. You might say something you’ve never shared with anyone, or bring up something you’re particularly sensitive about, and your therapist might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. 

Sometimes, even if you’re doing great work and you typically leave therapy with a new understanding of yourself (no matter how small), you might start to feel a little dread come up at the thought of going to your next session. 

If that feeling comes up, it’s important to take a step back and get curious about it. Your initial reaction might be to cancel it, but before sending your therapist a text or an email letting them know you “can’t make it” ask yourself a few questions to make sure that’s really what is best for you. 

When did this feeling start?

Was there something that came up between your last appointment and now? Was there something you didn’t handle well and don’t want to talk about? Or, was there something said in your last appointment that made you feel unseen, unheard, or abandoned in some way? While obviously never the intention, therapists are just human and might respond incorrectly once in a while. It can be extremely beneficial for the relationship to address and explore it–and doing so in therapy can give you practice in a safe space for when similar conversations need to take place in your day to day life.  

Where in your body are you feeling this the most?

When your feelings are so strong, it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling. But our emotions don’t show up just in our minds, and learning how to connect the body sensations you’re experiencing to your feelings can help you decipher what is happening for you and what you need. For example, maybe you get nauseated when you’re anxious, or feel a certain type of headache when you’re frustrated. If you can identify what it is you’re feeling, you can use your next appointment to explore it–where it’s coming from, how it’s showing up, what you and your therapist can do to prevent or address it in the future, etc. 

 How often does this feeling come up?

Having the occasional feeling of not wanting to go in and do some hard emotional work is not a red flag in itself. Modern life is very busy, and it does take a significant amount of energy to show up in therapy, not to mention the logistical time it eats up. If you’re having a super busy week where it feels like there’s not enough time to get everything done, of course you’re going to wish there was one less thing on your plate. Or maybe you’ve had a couple unexpected expenses, and you’d rather save a little bit of money this week. 

But, if you’re constantly feeling dread before going to your appointment, there could be a deeper issue. You might not feel the safety you need with your therapist to get into the work that would help you the most. Depending on why there’s a lack of safety for you, it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to address the issues with your therapist, or let them know it’s time for you to move on and find a better fit for your care needs. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

4 Best Practices for Fact Checking #InstaTherapy Content

Mental health is a popular topic on social media. 

And because mental health care can often be inaccessible for a number of reasons (finances, insurance barriers, location, family/community culture, etc.) that can be a great thing–talking about mental health openly can help to destigmatize the need for care, and to normalize the idea that we all have things to work on. 

But there are a few dangers to relying on social media exclusively for mental health care:

1. You don’t get the full therapy experience, which needs a relationship in which to provide space for healing

2. There’s no factual requirement for posting on social media–meaning the mental health information you’re getting, might not be accurate. 

That doesn’t mean there’s no good information out there on social media–Hope+Wellness is on Instagram where we share bite sized posts from topics we’ve covered on the blog, and we follow plenty of other mental health professionals on that platform who are doing great work! It just means you need to have a bit of care when taking in content related to mental health. 

So what can you do to vet how reliable a mental health resource is on social media?

First ask: Who is the source of this information? 

What are their qualifications? Are they a licensed provider? Are they actively practicing? Is their license bound to any sort of ethics board?

Qualified resources will have their credentials listed publicly. Their qualifications/license type should be either: 

1. Listed in their account bio 

2. Stated clearly on the website linked in their account bio

If you can’t find credentials listed in their account bio, click over to their website to check the home and about pages. Credentials should be easy to find and where you expect them to be–if they are hidden away somewhere that you have to dig for, that’s a warning sign. 

Next: Is what they’re sharing within their scope of practice?

What sort of mental health professional are they? What is their area of expertise and scope of practice? Is the information they are sharing within that scope–or is it unrelated to what they are professionally qualified for? 

For example, mental health professionals shouldn’t be giving the advice of a primary care doctor and vice versa. 

Qualified mental health care professionals should also be making it clear on their profiles that their online presence is intended as therapeutic education, not a replacement for the treatment they offer or a method of seeking diagnosis.  

Check the comments:

While this isn’t always helpful, it’s good to do a quick glance through comments of popular mental health content on social media. If others in the industry are disputing the information in the comments, that’s a good sign to proceed with caution; look up what’s being shared and read more information on it from reputable sources. 

Check in: do they get specific about clients?

Talking about common concerns from the general clients or population they see is one thing–that can be helpful in destigmatizing care or addressing misconceptions, etc. But no mental health professional should be describing their client cases or bragging about their client successes as a way to prove their legitimacy. 

If you’re questioning how specific they are, consider if the person they were talking about found the content; would they be able to identify themselves as the subject of the content? If so–it’s too specific, and actually a HIPAA violation. That’s a big red warning sign that they aren’t considering how their ethical practices need to be translated to social media! 

Keep these best practices in mind when engaging with mental health content on social media: 

• Be selective with who you follow: take your time to check their credentials and make sure they’re creating content within the scope of their practice

• Consider each post on it’s own–don’t just assume something is factual because it’s from a source you followed 

• Use information shared as a jumping off point; go further with resources they provide or begin to look into the topic from other reputable and reliable sources 

• Bring up anything you’re unsure about with your therapist! 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

What Do I Need to Know Before my First Therapy Session?

First: take a second to feel proud of yourself.

Starting therapy is a big step. While therapy has been more normalized and less taboo to talk about socially in recent years, it’s still a difficult step to take for yourself. It requires a lot of vulnerability and self compassion–and hope! Taking the step is incredibly brave, and if you haven’t heard it somewhere else, let us be the first to say, we’re proud of you. 

Starting something new–especially something like therapy, which asks us to be present and raw and honest–often brings up some anxiety. If you’re feeling nervous or apprehensive before your first session, know that that’s completely common and nothing to be ashamed of. And if you’re willing to bring it up, it’s something you can tell your therapist in your first session so they can more specifically address what you’re concerned about! 

To help cover some more general concerns, here are our tips on how to prepare for your first therapy session:

Check your therapists website:

It’s common for therapists to have a page on their website that covers what goes into getting started with them. It’s possible any questions you have about the process have already been answered there! Ours includes a frequently asked questions section, but some practices have this as a separate page. While it’s not necessarily required, you could also review the modality your therapist will be utilizing so you can familiarize yourself with what it means and what that looks like in practice. 

Review contact from your therapist: 

How did you make your appointment? Did you get a confirmation email or a message from your therapist with any info on what to bring to the first session? For example, at our practice, once patients are scheduled they get an email with our welcome packet to complete in our online patient portal–this includes any paperwork we need from patients we need to get started with care. Be sure to check if you need to have paperwork completed before your first appointment! 

Prepare for some housekeeping: 

Starting therapy isn’t jumping into the treatment right away. First, you need to meet with your new therapist and go over what brings you in, what could impact your care, what steps your therapist thinks are right for you, etc. In these consultation sessions, your therapist will get some background information on you as a client and go over potential goals for your therapeutic treatment. This time is important for both you and your therapist to assess your fit together!

Ask yourself what you need to feel safe being vulnerable: 

Just as your therapist will be assessing the fit of their practice for your needs, as you begin your work together it’s up to you to decide how you’re feeling about the fit as well. Do you feel comfortable being honest with this person? How does your body react to being with them? If you’re tense or anxious or nervous in your body, is it a discomfort that you can sit with and overcome, or is it more severe, trying to tell you something doesn’t feel safe for you? If it’s discomfort you can sit with, take some time to think about what it is that is causing the discomfort. Are these things you can address with your new therapist? They may be able to help you overcome what might block you from being honest in that space. 

While you can always bring things up throughout your relationship, making intentional space with your therapist to go over what you need to feel safe trusting them with your vulnerability can help lay a strong foundation for the therapeutic relationship right from the beginning. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

Healing through Relationships: Why the Therapeutic Relationship Matters

There’s a lot of mental health advice on the internet right now. 

Take this blog for example! Our blog is full of resources, thought exercises and tips meant to help support you in your journey to better mental health. But are the blogs themselves therapy? Are the social media posts describing different mindfulness exercises to try for your anxiety the same thing as therapy?

Short answer: nope!

Long answer: therapy is so much more than the tools you learn. Therapy is comprehensive mental health care, where the relationship between therapist and client is a crucial component to the treatment and healing process.

While there are lots of differences between the tools a therapist or therapy practice may provide online and the actual mental health services they offer, the part we’re going to focus on today is a part that is often overlooked: how the therapeutic relationship itself is crucial to healing. 

That’s part of why you can’t get the same experience reading a therapists blog as you would seeing that therapist in person–while they can provide you helpful tools to practice on your own, you’re missing the practice of showing up in relation to someone and writing new social scripts based on how they’re able to hold space for you. 

Okay….what does that all mean?

Let’s go back to our example from a few weeks ago about talking to your therapist about when they’ve hurt your feelings. 

The social script you’re working from might make telling someone they’ve hurt your feelings a scary, anxiety provoking conversation. Maybe you were yelled at as a child when you got upset or expressed your feelings. Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship where someone apologized after hurting your feelings. Or maybe you’ve never been in a relationship where you were safe to express that your feelings were hurt at all. 

In therapy, you get to practice showing up and telling someone they hurt your feelings.

While it’s not quite practice practice–you’re still communicating your real feelings and it was based out of a real situation, not just a theoretical scenario–you’re still given the assurance that you’re in a safe space where you won’t be punished for expressing how you’re feeling. That makes it an easier stepping stone to use to practice expressing those feelings because you have that safety net of knowing therapy is the space where you’re supposed to come in and discuss your feelings. 

This sort of relational healing is a crucial component to good therapy–and it doesn’t just come up in the moments where you need to manage conflict with your therapist!

You’re also engaging in relational healing in therapy when: 

• You express something you feel shame about and instead of responding with anger, repulsion, or what you fear they will respond with, your therapist responds with curiosity and compassion

• You come to therapy frustrated with how something is going, and you find support in collaborating with your therapist to figure out what to do next, rather than managing it all on your own 

These are two other simple and common examples of how the relationship between therapist and client is an essential part of the therapeutic process! That’s also why it’s so important to be sure you have a safe and trustworthy relationship with your therapist.

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

3 Tips for Telling Your Therapist They Upset You

Telling someone that they’ve done something to hurt your feelings is never easy. 

It’s vulnerable–you’re exposing yourself as someone who isn’t infallible. It’s opening yourself up to the risk that the person you’re trying to communicate with will misunderstand you. And while sometimes this sort of communication is exactly what we’re working on in therapy, it can still happen that your therapist says something to upset you in session. 

Maybe they poke at an old wound, maybe they misunderstand something difficult you’re struggling to communicate, maybe they’re reactivating old dynamics that hurt you in the past. No matter how it comes about, it’s possible–and in fact normal–that at some point, your therapist will say something that upsets you, rubs you the wrong way, or just generally hurts your feelings.

But, isn’t therapy supposed to be a safe space?

Yes! But your idea of a safe space might be different than what that safe space actually needs to be. Feeling safe and being safe–while both important!–are two different things. Things that make us feel safe might not actually be things that keep us safe in every context. If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, avoiding conflict may have literally kept you safe. Now however, in a different context, that avoidance can create more problems and be a hindrance to your emotional safety. 

A safe space isn’t a space where you will never face discomfort or conflict, it is a place that provides safety to you while you navigate those things. 

In that way, going through the experience of telling your therapist that they’ve hurt your feelings can be an extremely valuable tool in the healing process. Part of how therapy works is through relational healing–your therapist is someone who is there to hear you without judgment, who won’t be mad at you for expressing something unpleasant, and who will demonstrate healthy ways to navigate those moments with you, so you have a model for how it looks outside of therapy. 

Basically, therapy helps us to heal wounds we’ve gotten in other relationships by giving us a relationship where conflict is managed safely. 

So when you tell your therapist that something they’ve done has hurt your feelings, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to write a new script about what happens when you do that. When before it may have gotten you yelled at or berated, your therapist is there to listen to what you’re saying to them, to hear what you’re trying to communicate. When you do this more and more, you’re learning that conflict doesn’t just mean danger–it can also mean an opportunity for deeper understanding, stronger communication, and an emotionally safe relationship. 

That doesn’t mean it’s easy to do! We know it’s hard. If you’re trying to figure out how to let your therapist know they’ve said something that upset you, here are three tips: 

Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation: 

Starting the conversation is hard. But in therapy, you’re in a very unique position where the person you’re talking to you knows a lot about your emotional world, the history you have, and the general bravery it takes to be vulnerable in this way. It’s okay to start with “I’m struggling a lot with how to say this,” or “I’m nervous about bringing this up.” That’s actually helpful information for your therapist to have–they can help address the root of those fears as well as the specific issue you’re hoping to talk about. 

Tell them what you’re worried about: 

Are you worried they’ll be mad at you? That you’ll get kicked out of their office? That they’ll yell at you? Tell you your feelings don’t matter? There are so many reasons we avoid conflict, and they’re often informed by how we’ve experienced conflict in the past. It’s okay to call those fears out, right away. No matter how outlandish that fear may seem in comparison to the conflict, your therapist is there to hold space for those feelings, not judge them. And sometimes, just voicing what you’re afraid of lessens the feeling of fear!

Focus on the feelings it brought up in you: 

When someone says something that hurts our feelings, it’s often about something we’re a little sensitive about anyway. When your therapist says something that hurts your feelings, before you bring it up in session, reflect on what feelings that hurt brought up in you. Did it bring you back to a moment where you’d been hurt before? It’s okay if they seem totally unrelated–brains are funny little things and sometimes they latch onto moments that don’t make any sense to us. If you can let your therapist know not just what hurt your feelings, but how you experienced those hurt feelings, they can help address both the moment in your own relationship, and the history it brought up. 

Do you struggle to communicate when someone has hurt your feelings? We can help support you. Reach out today to get in touch with one of our clinicians!