What are Coping Skills and Why Do I Have Them?

What are Coping Skills and Why Do I Have Them?

Have you ever heard the term “coping skills” and wondered what that means? Coping skills are pretty popular these days as a buzzword on social media and health websites. There are lots of great tips out there on how to use coping skills, but it’s harder to find information out there about what coping skills are and why we develop them in the first place.

Coping skills are strategies or tools that you can use to manage stressful or distressing situations. Coping skills let you decrease your level of stress and handle difficult emotions in a way that maintains your sense of internal order. 

Most of us have coping skills in one way or another - getting through life is hard, and we all need ways to support our journey.

Coping skills or strategies are a way to manage stress both in the moment and long-term. Stress can cause all kinds of negative problems, like irritability, heart problems, and sleep disturbances. 

Coping skills offer options for getting through moments of distress until you can find a safe place to process what’s going on. It’s not always feasible to feel and process everything you need to in the moment, especially when emotions are heightened. Coping strategies let you get through the moment until you’re able to find a safe place, like a therapy session, to unpack the situation. 

Coping skills come in two basic forms, problem-based and emotion-based. Some people also conceptualize coping skills as being short term, to get you through the moment, or long-term, to help maintain balance in your life. 

As the name suggests, problem-based coping skills come up when there’s a problem or situation that you need to deal with. Problem-based coping skills can also be useful for long-term coping. For example, if you find yourself chronically tired, a problem-based coping skill would be to develop a nighttime routine that works for you. It may take time to implement, but establishing the habit of getting a good night’s sleep can help prevent future stresses from overwhelming you. Emotion-based coping skills allow you to take care of your feelings when things are out of your control or when you’re overwhelmed in the moment. 

Someone who grows up in an emotionally abusive home would probably rely more on emotion-based coping strategies. Since the person being abused has no control over the abuse, emotion based coping skills can help them deal with the abuse until they can escape it. However, problem-based coping skills may be helpful to them when they are at an age where they can leave the abusive home. 

Here are some common coping strategies that people use to deal with tough situations: 

• Negative self talk

• Catastrophizing or other cognitive distortions

• Worrying

• Escaping through books, media, and imagination

• Self-soothing with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc.

• Compulsive behaviors like shopping or gambling

• Numbing out with alcohol or drugs

• Getting too much or too little sleep

• Self-harm

• Reckless behaviors, like driving too fast

While all of these coping skills can provide relief in the moment, these are not all supportive habits in the long term. Sometimes, the coping skills we use to protect ourselves get out of control. This can happen when folks rely on things like substances to cope, for example. 

Lots of times, people refer to certain coping skills as ‘healthy’ or “unhealthy”, although more helpful terms might be supportive or unsupportive.

Many of us developed coping strategies to get through hard times, like trauma or mental illness. Those coping skills allowed you to survive. It’s okay if you had to use coping skills that aren’t supportive long-term. Whatever coping skills you’ve had to use in the past, they’ve allowed you to keep going to where you are today. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! 

Although the coping strategies you’ve used up until now  might not be ideal for you currently, you are don’t have to view them as unhealthy. You can instead decide that you’re looking for coping strategies that are supportive of where you are right now, instead of relying on ones that have gotten you to this point so far. You can even go so far as to thank your old coping skills for helping you stay alive until now. If you’re looking to find some new coping skills that are more supportive of where you are now, you have options. 

It can be helpful to have a list of coping skills ready to go for a time when you’re feeling distressed or overwhelmed. When you’re in the moment, it can be hard to think clearly, especially when you’re upset. Having a list handy helps take away the need to come up with ways to support yourself, so you can just jump right in to using your coping strategies. 

Here are some coping strategies that you may find more supportive long-term:

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Grounding techniques

• Breathwork

• Meditation or mindfulness practice

• Taking a bath

• Spending time outside 

• Cooking or baking

• Being creative

• Gardening

• Gentle physical movement

• Playing with a pet

• Listening to music

• Drinking a warm beverage

• Reading 

• Setting boundaries

• Going to therapy

If you’re looking for more support as you explore your coping skills and establish new ones, a therapist can help suggest skills that fit your needs. Unpacking your history of coping skills with a therapist can be a helpful way to identify what’s working and what isn’t! 

6 Tips to Help Improve Your Sleep

Do you struggle with sleep? From creating a routine to settling in, to staying soundly asleep until morning, sleep issues are extremely common. It seems like we all need a little support figuring out works! But our health, our mood, and our energy levels are all improved when we get the right amount of deep, restful sleep, so it’s important to find a routine that works for you! So today we’re going over 6 tips to help improve your sleep: 

Set a “bedtime warning” alarm: 

By this, I don’t mean an alarm that means “get in bed now.” Instead, give yourself a built in buffer! Decide around what time you’d like to be in bed at night. Let’s say it’s 10:30pm. If you want to be in bed by around 10:30pm every night, set up a daily alarm on your phone for around 9:30pm. That will be your signal that you have about an hour until “bedtime.” In that time you can wrap up anything that needs to be done, and engage in whatever nighttime routine you have. That way you’re not feeling the pressure every night when you realize “oh no it’s 10:30, I wanted to be in bed by now!” And it will create a routine your body can learn to respond to: when you hear the alarm and start your routine–even if it varies a little day to day–your body will get used to getting into “bedtime mode” and it can help you transition into sleep easier. 

Wear yourself out a little–gently: 

A small amount of gentle movement right before bed is a great way to let your body know “okay! We’re going to sleep now!” It helps to both tire your body out a bit, as well as refocus your energy on your physical body & feelings, instead of any racing thoughts you may have in your head. Some exercise will energize you, however, so stick to something slow and gentle like stretching or yoga. Keep a yoga mat by your bed, do a few gentle moves, maybe repeat them for a few cycles, and then hop right into bed. Find the balance that works best for you; remember the point is to get your body ready to rest, as well as quieting your mind so it doesn’t keep you up. If you’re running on a treadmill and hopping off more energized than before, that is not going to help your sleep! 

Eliminate screens at night: 

This is probably one you’ve heard before–but that’s because it’s true. The blue light in screens actually messes with your circadian rhythm, which of course then throws your sleeping patterns all out of whack! We don’t live in a world where we can really go days without screens–lots of us have to use them for work–but what we can do is  limit our exposure to them before bed. A good idea is to use that “bedtime warning” alarm as a marker that it’s time to put your computer away or turn your tv off or set down your phone. You could also ease into it and set a second alarm about a half hour later, and work your way up to an hour of no screen time before bed as you establish a routine. 

Increase bright light exposure during the daytime: 

On the opposite side of that, lots of exposure to bright natural light during the day helps to keep your circadian rhythm happy & healthy! (Just like it can do for you!) If you can, open blinds or windows to let as much natural light into your home or workspace as you can. If that isn’t a possibility, consider getting a lamp that is made to mimic the effects of natural light (sometimes called a SAD lamp). 

Consider your environment: 

What is your bedroom like? Are there things about it that constantly distract you from sleep? For example: is your bed near a window that lets too much light into your room? Or does the noise from outside the window bother you as you try to fall asleep? Do you find yourself not able to get comfortable because you’re too hot no matter your pajamas or what your home temperature is set to? Lots of these things feel out of our control but we can take time to find solutions, even if they are imperfect ones, because any improvement to our sleep is better than none!

To go along with these examples some things you could do are: 

• Move your bed to a different part of the room. Get away from the window if possible. 

• Get thick or blackout curtains to block the light from coming in the window. 

• Download a white noise app on your phone to play to cover the noises that come in from outside. 

• Get a fan on the lowest setting and set it next to your bed. Or look for sheets designed specifically for people who over heat while sleeping. (It’s a common problem!) 

Stay hydrated throughout the day: 

This one might not seem like it could affect your sleep but stay with me! If you are properly hydrating yourself throughout the day, you won’t get that rush of “I’m so thirsty!!” late at night which can both: 

1. Make it difficult for you to fall asleep if you don’t get something to drink, as you’ll be physically uncomfortable from being dehydrated. 

2. Make it so you’re waking up constantly to use the bathroom, since you drank your days worth of water right before bed. 

Use that alarm an hour before bed as a sort of “last call” while you’re getting used to staying hydrated throughout the day if you need to. When it goes off use it as a check: do I need something to drink? If so, get a quick glass of water. Then (hopefully!) you won’t need another drink before bed, and it won’t be keeping you awake. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you find a mindful nighttime routine that works for you.