5 Steps to Live More Authentically

Do you struggle with the expectations that other people have for you? 

It can be hard to understand what we really want and need when we’re preoccupied with what others are thinking of us. If we spend too much time focused on what others want, it can make us feel disconnected from our sense of self. 

A lot of times, living authentically isn’t something we actively think about until we feel a sense of inauthenticity. 

Have you ever felt that little feeling in the pit of your stomach that says “Do I even like who I am right now?” Many of us experience a feeling of not recognizing ourselves at some point or another. Sometimes we’ve spent a lot of time working on something that doesn’t align with our values anymore. Sometimes we’re so worried about what other people think that we just do what they tell us, instead of thinking about what we actually want.

What does living authentically mean? 

Being authentic means showing up as genuinely as you can. It means that your actions line up with your values (or you do your best to make sure that happens). When you live in an authentic way, you are staying true to yourself and your values. This doesn’t mean that you don’t listen to other people or care about others–but you don’t accept their feelings or opinions as your own. You can ask others for their wisdom, but you are the only one who knows and understands what you think and how you feel–and what next step aligns with how you want to show up in the world.  

There are a lot of reasons it’s hard to be authentic in the world right now. We live in a society that values money and productivity over almost anything else, so it can be hard to connect with what is really important. We mostly interact with others through social media if we don’t see them face to face, whether that is because we’re connected to long distance friends, or we’re so busy trying to keep up with the many demands on our time, we barely get to see our friends, even if they live locally.  And those many demands on our time and energy leave us burned out much of the rest of the time. It can be hard to reach your values or move through the world how you want, when you’re too burned out to even think.  

Knowing all of this,how do you start to be more real with yourself? Here are some tips to start living authentically:

Make space for mindfulness

Mindfulness comes up a lot in therapy spaces, but that is because it can be such a helpful tool. Mindfulness practice teaches you how to be in the present moment, instead of worrying about the past or future. It can help us disconnect from that constant feeling of not being enough or comparing ourselves to others. When we take time to practice mindfulness, we practice listening to ourselves instead of others, which is a key to authenticity. The more you practice listening to yourself, the more naturally you will be able to tune into how you really feel.

Take time to self-reflect

It is hard to live in line with your values if you don’t know what they are. Take some time to self-reflect in whatever way feels best for you. Some people like to journal, some like to make art, or talk with someone they trust. However you choose to do it, focus on reflecting on your values. What is important to you? Think about the people you respect or admire. What are their values? Are they the same as yours? It can also be helpful to look up a list of values and pick a few to do some journaling or reflecting on. Get to know yourself so you can understand what is important to you. 

Don’t judge

This is true for a couple of things - don’t judge yourself, and don’t judge others. Just as you’re learning and growing, other people are too! Don’t look down on people for making mistakes that you just recently stopped making yourself. And don’t judge yourself too harshly for making those mistakes! As humans, one of our only guarantees is that we will make mistakes along the way. Making mistakes doesn’t make you a bad person, and when we learn to accept our mistakes, we learn to accept ourselves fully without shame. That makes it easier to show up. 

Clean up your social media feeds

We’re probably all guilty of mindlessly scrolling through social media, but if you find yourself on there a lot, try changing up who you follow. Follow people who make you feel good + safe, not people who make you feel like you need to change to be loved. Follow therapist accounts that can provide insight into mental health, people with bodies different from yours, BIPOC folks, and people who are living authentically themselves. Report ads that make you feel bad about yourself. You don’t need to tolerate that nonsense! 

Know that we never stop growing

Your values probably won’t change all the time, but check in regularly to see if anything has shifted for you. We all learn and grow throughout our lives, and that means that sometimes our values change. Some things might become more or less important to you as time goes on. Your priorities may change, and that’s okay. The important thing to remember is to listen to your inner self for answers instead of outsourcing it to someone else. Only you know what’s right for you. 

If you’re interested in doing more work toward living authentically, our clinicians can help you work toward that goal. Get in touch with us today to see how we can help. 

What It’s Like to Discover You’re Neurodivergent as an Adult

Have you ever wondered if you’re neurodivergent?

In the last few years, there has been a growing awareness around neurodiversity and how some brains work differently than others. This increased understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent has helped many people realize that they themselves are neurodivergent and to seek a diagnosis later in life. 

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent means to have a brain that works differently to what is commonly considered “normal”. If that seems like a broad definition, it is. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of different experiences and conditions, including:

• ADHD

• Dyslexia

• Dyscalcula

• Sensory Processing Disorder

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

• Bipolar Disorder

• Schizophrenia

• Misophonia

Neurodivergent people may experience differences in the ways they process or express information; sensory differences; communication differences; memory differences; sleep differences; eating differences; emotional differences; and time perception differences, among others. 

Why late diagnosis is common

While some people are identified as neurodivergent in childhood, for others it isn’t until they’re adults. This is known as late diagnosis, and there’s a variety of reasons why it happens. 

One reason why it may seem like more people are neurodivergent these days is because historically, neurodivergence has been under-recognized and underdiagnosed, especially in groups that have been marginalized. 

Late diagnosis of ADHD and autism has been especially common with women and those assigned female at birth, often because these conditions can present differently in different genders, which can make diagnosis trickier. Sometimes the signs of neurodivergence were written off as personality traits or other mental health disorders like depression. Neurodivergent people also learn early on to mask, or hide, their symptoms by mimicking neurotypical behavior so they can blend in and not be seen as different or weird. Masking is a self-preservation technique that helps neurodivergent people blend in with everyone else, so they’re not singled out. 

Not being diagnosed until later in life can seriously impact a person’s self esteem and overall mental health. Many neurodivergent folks grow up recognizing that something is different about the way they move through the world, and this can lead to internalizing the idea that there is something wrong with them. 

With the recent increase in awareness and education about neurodivergence, more people have been able to spot symptoms in themselves and advocate for a diagnosis. 

What you may feel after late diagnosis of neurodivergence

If you’ve been diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life, you will likely feel a wide range of emotions, including: 

• Relief at finally having an explanation for lifelong struggles, as well as feeling seen and validated.

• Grief of mourning the past and wondering how life might have been different with earlier support or intervention. 

• Anger and frustration about feeling let down by a system that failed to listen to you or recognize your neurodivergence sooner.

• Confusion & Doubt and questioning whether your diagnosis is "real" or if things are really bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, or doubt that this time the diagnosis is accurate, when they haven’t been in the past.

• Hope that finding new tools, self-acceptance, and better self-understanding will help you improve your overall well-being.

How late diagnosis can impact your life

Finding out you’re neurodivergent as an adult can impact every area of your life. It might answer questions you’ve had about yourself for a long time and raise other questions about how to move forward. 

Finding out you’re neurodivergent can help you understand why you’ve struggled in the past at work, in relationships, with your mental health, and with your self-perception. Late diagnosis can help you advocate for yourself more effectively, especially when seeking accommodations. When you understand why you might have a harder time with something, it can help you communicate your needs more clearly to others. In addition, you can start to explore your identity and self-worth outside of neurotypical expectations. 

So, you’re neurodivergent. What comes next? 

If you find out later in life that you’re neurodivergent, you might be wondering how to move forward with that information. You’ve probably known that something was going on for a while, maybe even as far back as you can remember, but you’ve also learned how to mask your symptoms and blend in with neurotypical folks. It can take time to unlearn what you’ve had to learn to get this far in life. Here are some things that can help:

Learn about neurodivergence

Learning more about what it means to be neurodivergent can be validating and affirming, and help you feel less alone in your experiences. Look into books and podcasts that discuss the neurodivergent experience, and explore online communities to find resources and connection with other folks who get it. 

Explore accommodations 

Understanding how your brain works differently can help you advocate for accommodations for yourself. Explore accommodations and adjustments that other people with your diagnosis find helpful. Searching in online forums related to your diagnosis can help you learn from the lived experience of others who share your diagnosis. For example, if you struggle with sensory difficulties, explore how others have adjusted their spaces to be more sensory-friendly. If you struggle with executive function skills, explore tools that are designed to support your executive functioning.  

Practice unmasking & self-acceptance

Allowing yourself to unmask can be incredibly powerful. When you unmask, you can drop the neurotypical expectations that are around you and embrace your authentic self. The way your brain works is beautiful, even if it’s different from what’s considered “normal”. There are many, many benefits to having a mind that works differently, from creativity, to spotting patterns, to finding solutions to problems. See if you can identify some areas where your neurodivergence gives you an advantage, and remember those when you’re struggling. 

Seek community

It can be incredibly healing to connect with other late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults. Online spaces, local support groups, and advocacy organizations can all be good places to start when looking for other neurodivergent people to connect with. The validation of hearing “me too” and realizing you’re not alone is priceless!

Work with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist

Neurodivergence is different for everyone, and personalized support can help you after late diagnosis. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help you learn more about how your brain works, explore accommodations, and practice self-acceptance without having to worry about being judged. 

Are you looking for late diagnosis support as a neurodivergent person? Our neurodiversity-affirming therapists in Virginia, Maryland, and Washington DC can help you embrace your neurodivergence as part of who you are. We also offer neuropsychological evaluations if you’re looking to find answers. Contact us to find the option that’s right for you. 

11 Blogs to Help Practice Skills Needed for Self Love

Self love is a constant series of practices. 

It is made up of things like learning to care for your physical, mental, social, and emotional needs. It involves learning to give yourself compassion and curiosity, to treat yourself with kindness, and challenges you to show up as your most authentic self–asking for what you need and being clear about how you feel. 

None of these things are easy because most of us aren’t taught how to do them, and are instead taught to repress our needs and ignore our feelings. But the more we learn to practice them, the easier they become for us, and the better we can show ourselves love and care. 

While February is usually a month honoring romantic love, we’re taking some time to spotlight the hard work that goes into self love, and providing a roundup of tools to help make the various practices of loving ourselves easier. 

Tools to help you practice self compassion: 

Quieting Your Inner Critic by Living your Values

“Your inner critic is that voice in your head telling you that you’re not doing things right or that you’re not good enough. This voice puts you down, demeans you, and can make you question your judgment or decision making and doubt yourself–if you can’t do anything right, how can you know that you can trust your decisions? This is where your values come into play.”

Read more on how learning to identify and live in accordance with your values can help you quiet your inner critic here.

What Internalized Messages Do You Still Believe About Yourself?

“...while they may feel like undeniable qualities about ourselves, these internalized messages actually came from outside influences. They are the result of how we, as children, are able to interpret and understand the world around us, and the way we’re expected to behave in relationships. 

These messages then become core parts of our self view, how we’re unconsciously able to connect with and relate to others, how we navigate social situations and relationships, etc. These messages, when they aren’t explored and questioned, can muddle our true beliefs about ourselves, and lead us to believe we are less lovable,safe, and valued than we really are.”

Read more about where internalized messages come from, and how you can work to explore and change them here.

6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

“Simply put, self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option.”

Read more about what self compassion is and how to practice and cultivate it here.  

Self Kindness: Why it Matters & How to Cultivate It

“Refusal of self kindness can be a sort of survival technique–if you have a history of being emotionally neglected or abused, being mean to yourself first may have been your route to survival. Once you’re out of an environment where that protects you, however, it begins to erode rather than strengthen your emotional safety and connection to others.”

Read more about what self kindness means, why it feels hard and how to practice it here. 

Tools to help build your sense of self worth:

5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth

“Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves in the moment. Self-worth, on the other hand, describes knowing that you are a person of value who has worth, no matter what your self-esteem looks like. Self-worth is a broader term and is generally more permanent than self-esteem, which can vary based on circumstance. Self-worth comes from within, whereas self-esteem comes from the world around you.”

Read the full blog for more on what self worth is and how to practice cultivating it here.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“But it isn’t just us that [comparison] it harms. Too much comparison can also be damaging to your relationships. When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.) It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationship.”

Read more about how comparison holds us back and how we can learn to resist it here. 

How to Practice Reaching Out After Self Isolating

“The only way to heal our loneliness is by connecting with others–but like many unhelpful patterns, loneliness can become familiar, and the threat of the unknown can feel greater than the threat of loneliness. And the longer we self isolate, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. We feel shame at how long it’s been since we reached out, or fear that our loved ones will be upset with us–or worse, have no desire to have us back in their lives now that we’ve been out of them for so long. All of these things make it harder and harder to break out of self isolating once you’ve begun.”

Read more about why it becomes hard to ask for help when you need it, and how you can practice small things to make it easier for yourself here. 

Tools to help you practice caring for yourself: 

How to Tell the Difference Between Avoidance and Self-Care

“Sometimes, doing something can be avoidance in one context and self-care in another. For example, if you have a deadline coming up to apply for a program, it’s probably not productive to spend all day playing video games. Those actions keep you from doing what is on your mind. On the other hand, if you’ve just finished up a big project and need to blow off some steam, playing video games can be a perfect outlet.”

Read the full blog and learn to practice telling the difference between avoidance and self care here. 

3 Tips for Cultivating A More Positive Relationship With Yourself

“The word relationship calls to mind our connections with others–with romantic partners, with friends, family members, coworkers, neighbors, etc. But you have a relationship with yourself as well–and it’s the longest relationship you’re ever going to have! That alone makes it worth it to spend intentional time reflecting on your relationship habits and where you want your relationship with yourself to go.”

Read more about why it’s important to work at a more positive relationship with yourself and how to do it here. 

5 Practices for When You Feel Off and Don't Know Why

“When we’re not feeling good, the best thing to do is to tend to whatever it is that’s causing it. But when we don’t know why we’re feeling off, it can be hard to figure out what self care practices would be helpful, and which would be nice but ultimately ineffective in helping you address the problem. 

While much of self care relies on regular habits–refilling your prescriptions, taking your medication, feeding yourself with food that nourishes your body and soul, making intentional space for relationships, finding joyful and gentle ways to move your body, taking dedicated time outside of your comfort zone, etc–we can still do as needed self care in addition to all of these wonderful habits when we need a little extra care and intention.”

Read more about why it can be hard to figure out what you’re feeling and how to practice it here. 

How to Make a Coping Skills Toolbox

“However you cope, it can be helpful to make a coping skills toolbox to use when you’re upset or emotionally activated. Keeping a dedicated container with some helpful items and reminders inside can make a big difference when you’re having an unpleasant emotional experience. Everyone is different and copes differently, so the suggestions we have for a coping skills toolbox are just a jumping off point.”

Learn more about what a coping skills toolbox is and how you can build one here. 

If you’re looking for more support as you develop more skills to practice self love, a therapist can help suggest skills that fit your needs. Contact us today!

Group Therapy: What Therapists Want You to Know

Have you ever considered group therapy?

Many people have an idea of group therapy as something that is awkward or ineffective, but many people actually find it to be a helpful source of support. Group therapy can be effective on its own as well as in conjunction with individual therapy. 

When you think of therapy, you might automatically imagine sitting in a room, one-on-one with a therapist, but that’s not the only style of therapy that can be helpful. Like individual therapy, group therapy is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing, and it has many benefits to consider. 

What is group therapy?

Group therapy is what it sounds like - a small group of people, usually facing similar challenges or circumstances, who meet regularly with a therapist to share experiences, offer support, and practice new coping strategies together.

Unlike one-on-one therapy, where the focus is solely on you and your personal struggles, group therapy provides you an opportunity to connect with others, hear new perspectives, and realize that you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing. While it may feel unfamiliar at first, the support, community, shared understanding, validation, and insights you gain from a group setting can be deeply healing and transformative.

What are the benefits of group therapy? 

Group therapy can be a gathering of people talking about their problems, but it’s also more than that. It’s a structured, therapist-facilitated space designed to help you heal, grow, and learn. 

These are some of the benefits of choosing group therapy:

Guidance from a professional

Therapy groups are typically led by a licensed therapist who ensures a safe, respectful, and supportive environment. Group therapy facilitators provide psychoeducation about the challenges that members are experiencing, and teach coping skills that can help members navigate those challenges more effectively. Whether it’s strategies to manage distress, tools for improving communication, or insights into emotional regulation, group members receive expert guidance throughout the process.

Connection and validation

One of the most powerful aspects of group therapy is the realization that you are not alone. When you’re struggling with your mental health or a challenging situation, it’s easy to feel isolated and even hopeless. In a group setting, you’ll meet others who have faced similar challenges and can relate to your experiences. You’ll hear stories of things that helped them, and things that didn’t. You may even find your sense of hope restored as you hear from people who have gone through what you’re going through. It’s incredibly reassuring and uplifting to receive support and validation from people who have been where you are. In addition, the connections you build in a group can help you feel more confident in connecting with others in the future. 

Lowering shame and stigma

While it’s becoming less taboo to discuss mental health struggles, many people still feel a sense of shame for what they’re going through. Group therapy helps normalize mental health challenges, which can help lower the sense of shame you feel. When you see others openly discussing their struggles, it becomes easier to acknowledge your own without judgment.

It’s often more affordable 

One great thing about group therapy is that it’s often more affordable than individual therapy while allowing you to access professional mental health support. For those who may not be able to afford weekly one-on-one therapy sessions, group therapy can be a more financially accessible way to receive guidance and support.

Offers new perspectives

Members of therapy groups gain insight, not only from the therapist, but also from each other. You will hear perspectives that you may not have considered before, and you’ll get to hear how others have navigated challenges similar to yours. Learning how others have approached similar situations can be eye-opening and inspiring. 

Builds confidence

Learning how to talk confidently in a group of people is a great skill that will help you outside of the therapy group. In addition, group therapy can help you improve your social skills in a safe, non-judgmental setting, so you can feel more confident interacting with others outside of therapy. 

Provides accountability and motivation 

It can be very helpful to find a source of accountability and motivation when you’re trying to heal and grow. Having a group of people who are rooting for you and who can help you stay on track with your goals can make a huge difference, especially in how you feel. Some people find it motivating to have updates to share with the group.

What happens in a group therapy session? 

We often hear about people who are hesitant to join a therapy group because they don’t know what to expect. While every group is slightly different, most follow a structured format designed to create a safe and productive environment for all members, no matter what the focus of the group is. Most group therapy sessions consist of some combination of the following:

• Introductions and Check-Ins: Sessions often begin with introductions, as well as a check-in where members can share how they feel or provide updates since the last session.

• Discussion Topics and Exercises: The therapist may introduce a specific topic, such as coping with stress, setting boundaries, or improving self-esteem, and guide the group through discussions or exercises. 

• Sharing and Reflection: Group members will have the opportunity to share experiences, thoughts, and feelings (though if you’re not comfortable sharing, you’re never forced to). 

• Closing and Takeaways: The session may end with reflections, takeaways, or goal-setting for the week ahead.

Common misconceptions about group therapy

These are some of the most common misconceptions that we hear as therapists about group therapy (and why they shouldn’t stop you from trying group therapy):

It Will Be Awkward

Yes, the first group you attend might feel a little awkward, but that can be true of any new experience! Group therapy facilitators are trained to create a welcoming and supportive environment, and many people quickly find that their initial discomfort fades as they get to know the group and become familiar with how the process works. 

I Have to Talk to Benefit

While sharing during group therapy can be beneficial, it’s not a requirement, and you can benefit even if you don’t share. It’s pretty common for new members to listen in the beginning and gradually become more comfortable contributing. Even if you don’t speak much, you can still learn a great deal from hearing others’ experiences and the therapist’s guidance.

It Won’t Be Confidential

Confidentiality is a cornerstone of all therapy, especially group therapy. Just like individual therapy, group members are expected to respect each other’s privacy and maintain confidentiality about what is shared in sessions. Facilitators set clear guidelines to ensure a safe and secure space, and if you have any questions or concerns, it’s okay to bring them up. 

People Will Judge Me

It’s very natural to worry about being judged, especially when you're struggling with something as personal as your mental health. Remember that most people in group therapy are experiencing similar challenges and are there to heal and not to judge. In fact, you may find that the therapy group is one of the most understanding and accepting spaces you’ve ever been in, because everyone can relate to one another. 

Remember—healing doesn’t have to happen alone. In group therapy, you can find connection, support, and the reassurance that you are not alone on your journey. If you’re interested in joining a group therapy session, we offer two therapy groups, a Young Adult Process Group and Empowerment Process Group for Women in Their 30s. Contact us to learn more!

The Psychology of Fresh Starts: Embracing Change in the New Year

How do you feel about change?

Some people feel strongly about change - they either love it or hate it. However you feel about it, change is inevitable in life. Whether it’s big changes, like moving to a new place, or smaller changes, like your favorite restaurant shutting down, we have to deal with changes all of the time. 

With the start of a new year just a few days away, it’s a good time to think about your relationship with change. 

Why is change so hard?

Change is hard because change is intertwined with grief. A lot of people don’t realize that change plays a big part in grief. Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death or loss, but . Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” 

One of the hardest things about grief is adjusting to the new, changed reality. When things change, even for positive reasons, like getting a new job or becoming a parent, it takes time to adjust. The conflicting emotions that you feel as you adjust to the change are often uncomfortable or confusing. 

Our brains sometimes try to resist change, as a way to keep us safe from those feelings of grief that accompany change. 

Change can also be frightening. Change can represent the unknown, which can be scary to contemplate. Change can also be a reminder that we don’t have as much control as we like to think. Realizing that we can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, can feel vulnerable or unsafe.  It’s hard to deal when you’re not sure what’s coming next. 

Change also often disrupts our routine, which can be distressing. Our routines, whether they’re conscious or not, bring us comfort, and it’s upsetting to have that interrupted. 

Even when you’re excited about change, you might deal with uncertainty, anxiety, or regret. You might wonder what life would be like if the change weren’t happening, or if you made the right choice. All of these feelings can be overwhelming. 

However unpleasant change may be at times, it’s also not often helpful to avoid change. When you avoid change, it can backfire, or lead to its own complications. Avoiding change can cause people to stay in stressful situations, for example, which can have serious effects on wellbeing. 

So, what can you do to feel more comfortable embracing change in the new year? Here are 6 tips:

Make a plan

If you know that a change is coming, make a plan for how you can take care of yourself during the period of change. If you’re dealing with an unexpected change, make a plan for how you can move forward now. Some things that may help with making a plan are writing lists, doing a brain dump in your journal, talking it over with friends, loved ones, or a therapist, and looking for advice from others who have gone through something similar. Having a plan in place can help with resilience, it helps you be as prepared as possible and can guide you in moments when you’re struggling. 

Work on acceptance 

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s going on. It just means that you stop fighting reality, which can add to your distress. Trying to fight change just uses up a lot of energy that you could use on helping yourself feel better. See if you can work toward accepting this change, instead of causing distress for yourself by fighting it. It might be helpful to consider the positive aspects of the change that you're dealing with to help you work toward acceptance. 

Feel your feelings 

Feeling your feelings sounds so simple, but it’s actually a process that a lot of us struggle with. Some feelings are uncomfortable, and it’s natural to try to avoid discomfort. Feelings need to be felt, though, to move past them. The only way out is through. 

Stick to your routine as much as possible

As mentioned earlier, one of the hardest parts of dealing with change is dealing with the impact it has to your routine. To try to minimize that impact as much as you can, stick to any parts of your routines that you can. Make sure you meet your own needs and practice self-care - take your meds, get enough to eat, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body, and connect with others as much as you can. 

Watch out for cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are negative patterns of thinking. They can keep you stuck in believing negative and untrue thoughts, and contribute to your distress levels. An example of a cognitive distortion is catastrophizing, or seeing the worst in every situation. Consider if any of the thoughts you’re dealing with are cognitive distortions, and if they are, work to reframe them so they don’t control you. 

Lean on your support system

When things are hard, it’s the perfect time to call in extra support from the people who care about you. Asking for help can be uncomfortable at times, but remember that everyone needs help sometimes. You’re human! Opening up to the people who care about you can help you find solutions, feel validated and heard, and remind you that you’re not alone.  

Are you having a hard time coping with change? Working with a therapist can be a way to expand your support system and help you build resilience to change. Get in touch today to get started. 

Managing Racing Thoughts That Keep You Awake

What are racing thoughts?

Have you ever been trying to fall asleep, but your thoughts just wouldn’t stop? One minute you were sleepily dragging yourself under the covers, and the next your heart was pounding and your thoughts were racing and your breaths were coming in short and quick?

Racing thoughts aren’t uncommon–we all deal with them from time to time. Some people experience them during the day, but often our daily routines and responsibilities and the general business of life keeps our minds occupied more naturally. 

At night however, suddenly your brain can’t shut off, you’re feeling all of that stress you didn’t have time to focus on during the day all over again without anything else to occupy your mind. Now, maybe even more so because now you have the added stress of not being able to fall asleep when you need to. This can also make your racing thoughts feel impossible to fight against–you want to sleep so you just lay there, but then just laying there gives more opportunity for your thoughts to race. 

What does it feel like to experience racing thoughts? 

When your thoughts are racing, it feels like an endless spiral you can’t get out of. Any attempt to end your thoughts just leads you down a new avenue for more spiraling thoughts, and on and on and on. 

There’s a physical response as well: pounding heart, increased sweating, and breaths coming in short, quick bursts. Your body is basically in a stress response, which puts it on high alert, making it physically harder to get back to that feeling of sleepiness. 

Why do racing thoughts happen?

Racing thoughts can be a symptom of a larger mental health concern such as: 

• Anxiety or Panic disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• ADHD

If you’re experiencing racing thoughts chronically, take time to talk to your therapist and doctor, because there may be a larger issue to be addressed with medicine or therapeutic treatment, or both. 

But chronic conditions aren’t the only things that cause racing thoughts. Other things that can influence the frequency of racing thoughts at night can include: 

• Times of high stress: If you’re struggling in your relationship, navigating family, financial or professional stress, trying to juggle the stress that comes up around the holidays, spikes in your stress levels can precipitate an increase in racing thoughts as you’re trying to sleep. 

• Big transitions: A new job, moving, ending or beginning a relationship, beginning parenthood, etc. can all bring on major stress, which can in turn bring on the racing thoughts. 

• Some medications: If your racing thoughts began around the time you’ve started a new medication, it’s good to bring it up with your prescribing doctor. 

• Caffeine consumption: try to avoid caffeine after 6pm, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda/tea too close to when you go to bed can stimulate your brain and make it harder for you to fall asleep. 

What to do when your thoughts are racing: 

Mindful breathing practices:

Practicing mindful breathing helps both to calm your body as it slows and steadies with your breath, but it also helps you to reroute your thoughts away from the spiral and into the present moment. Some mindful breathing exercises you can try are: 

• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, release for 8 seconds, and repeat. 

• Box breathing: breathe in, hold breath, breathe out, hold breath, repeat. 

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Breathing from your diaphragm, inhaling as fully and slowly as possible, exhaling and repeating. 

Get up and do something (then go back to bed): 

There is nothing else for your mind to latch onto when you’re trying to go to sleep, so it’s easy to get trapped in racing thoughts.If mindful breathing doesn’t help slow your body and mind down, pick something small to get out of bed and do. Get something to eat, a glass of water, read a chapter of a book, do a few stretches. Give your mind an opportunity to get tired, then get back in bed and go back to your breathing exercises to help sleep come faster. 

Establish better sleep hygiene:

Create a routine that helps you slow down your thoughts and relax your body before bed. Adding a few minutes of calming stretching can help slow and deepen your breathing and allow your body to relax and it can also help you practice mindfulness which will in turn help you manage racing thoughts in the future.

Explore the root cause and long term treatment options with your therapist:

Whether you’re going through a period of high stress or a big life transition, getting curious about what is prompting your racing thoughts in therapy can help you better learn how to manage them. Or, if a more chronic condition is at the root, they can help guide you through the next steps for treatment. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you address and resolve your racing thoughts. 

I'm Dreading My Next Therapy Session, What Now

Therapy is a wonderful, vulnerable and sometimes difficult process. 

It can be incredibly rewarding to go through when you commit to the process, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. There is a lot of vulnerability involved in learning to trust your therapist, and building a relationship where you can spend intentional time talking about your fears, things you feel ashamed about, skills you want to work on to improve the relationships most important to you, conflicts you wish you showed up better in, etc. 

It takes a lot of bravery and a lot of patience with yourself. You might say something you’ve never shared with anyone, or bring up something you’re particularly sensitive about, and your therapist might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. 

Sometimes, even if you’re doing great work and you typically leave therapy with a new understanding of yourself (no matter how small), you might start to feel a little dread come up at the thought of going to your next session. 

If that feeling comes up, it’s important to take a step back and get curious about it. Your initial reaction might be to cancel it, but before sending your therapist a text or an email letting them know you “can’t make it” ask yourself a few questions to make sure that’s really what is best for you. 

When did this feeling start?

Was there something that came up between your last appointment and now? Was there something you didn’t handle well and don’t want to talk about? Or, was there something said in your last appointment that made you feel unseen, unheard, or abandoned in some way? While obviously never the intention, therapists are just human and might respond incorrectly once in a while. It can be extremely beneficial for the relationship to address and explore it–and doing so in therapy can give you practice in a safe space for when similar conversations need to take place in your day to day life.  

Where in your body are you feeling this the most?

When your feelings are so strong, it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling. But our emotions don’t show up just in our minds, and learning how to connect the body sensations you’re experiencing to your feelings can help you decipher what is happening for you and what you need. For example, maybe you get nauseated when you’re anxious, or feel a certain type of headache when you’re frustrated. If you can identify what it is you’re feeling, you can use your next appointment to explore it–where it’s coming from, how it’s showing up, what you and your therapist can do to prevent or address it in the future, etc. 

 How often does this feeling come up?

Having the occasional feeling of not wanting to go in and do some hard emotional work is not a red flag in itself. Modern life is very busy, and it does take a significant amount of energy to show up in therapy, not to mention the logistical time it eats up. If you’re having a super busy week where it feels like there’s not enough time to get everything done, of course you’re going to wish there was one less thing on your plate. Or maybe you’ve had a couple unexpected expenses, and you’d rather save a little bit of money this week. 

But, if you’re constantly feeling dread before going to your appointment, there could be a deeper issue. You might not feel the safety you need with your therapist to get into the work that would help you the most. Depending on why there’s a lack of safety for you, it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to address the issues with your therapist, or let them know it’s time for you to move on and find a better fit for your care needs. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

End of the Year Toolkit: 9 Blogs to Help You Make It to January

We’re in the final stretch of 2023. But the end of the year rush can be some of the most stressful few weeks of the season. While it can be a time of togetherness and generosity, it’s also a time that requires more from us, socially, financially, and emotionally. 

This is our end of the year tool-kit; all of the blogs we’ve written that can help get you through the last few weeks. 

To help get ready for family gatherings:

Family parties and traditions can be some of our favorite moments of the holiday season, but that doesn’t mean they come without their own set of worries. Because holiday events are often big parties, you’re likely to be in close quarters with not just the family and loved ones you’re close to, but some you have some rocky relationships with as well. 

Taking a little time to prepare for those encounters can help reduce your anxiety about them overall, and allow you to focus on what you can control. You can find ways to both care for yourself and your needs, and make time to be with those you care about. 

Read: How to Gently Set Boundaries With Your Family or: 5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

To help manage seasonal depression: 

Winter is a tough time for a lot of us. The days are shorter and colder, we don’t want to be outside as much, and with the darkness falling so early in the day, it’s normal for us all to slow down a bit during winter. 

But when does it go from slowing down in a slower season to something to be concerned about? 

Read: 4 Signs That Your Funk Could Be the Result of Depression or: Self Care for Days You Can't Get Out of Bed

Give yourself the gift of self kindness this season:

Because we can be under so much stress in the final crunch of the year, and we’re often faced with awkward conversations with people we only see once a year at holiday parties, it can be easy to fall into self criticism during the holidays. 

Taking time to build in some body neutral practices and preparing yourself to slow down can help you offset that slide into criticism. 

Read: Keeping Peace with Your Body During the Holiday Season and: 4 Ways to Accept a Slower Pace in the Winter Season

To get ready for the new year: 

Whether you’re a new year, new start kind of person, or someone just looking to get to January so the holiday season will be wrapping up, we’ve got something for you! And, as the COVID rates are surging again, it never hurts to revisit old boundaries for managing your health. Use the new year as an excuse to reaffirm them. 

Read: 4 Ways to Deal with New Year Overwhelm or: 8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in the New Year and Managing Covid Anxiety in the New Year

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!

5 Myths to Unpack About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What comes to mind when you think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Many people who don’t have OCD imagine that it is a disorder that compels you to keep things neat and organized. This common misunderstanding of what OCD actually is can be traced back to the way it’s portrayed in the media, especially on TV. 

Characters on TV are often written as “a little OCD” for a laugh. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn’t a comedy bit, it’s a common mental health diagnosis impacting millions of people in the United States. 

What is OCD?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a disorder characterized by a person experiencing distressing, unwanted intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are unwelcome, and are often disturbing to the person experiencing them. The distress caused by these thoughts is often relieved through behaviors called compulsions, which only help temporarily. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 2.3% of adults in the United States will develop OCD during their lifetime. 

There are two aspects of OCD - obsessions and compulsions. 

Obsessions in OCD are the repetitive, distressing, and unwelcome thoughts and fears. Compulsions are the actions taken to help relieve the distress of obsessions. Sometimes a person with OCD will experience obsessions more strongly than compulsions or vice versa. 

Compulsions can help relieve the distress and anxiety that the person is experiencing, but usually not for long. When the distress returns, the cycle begins again. Eventually, the compulsions that are used to relieve distress become a habit, and they can often get in the way of everyday life. 

For example, someone with OCD might have repetitive, unwelcome thoughts about experiencing a break in control and hurting themselves or someone else. Unwanted thoughts like this can be very disturbing and scary. To deal with the intensely distressing emotions brought on by the thoughts of harming themselves or others, they might check repeatedly to make sure that the oven is off, or that the car is in park, or that the doors are locked, or that everyone is safe. The amount of time and energy that it takes to keep up this cycle can have a huge impact on other areas of life, like work or relationships. 

So, what isn’t OCD? Let’s unpack these common misconceptions about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

OCD means you clean a lot or are organized

Chances are, when you think of OCD, you think of this misconception because it’s so popular. On TV or in movies, we often see characters identify as “so OCD” because they keep things clean. Remember that OCD is a disorder, not a personality trait. People commonly mistake OCD for being neat and organized. While some people who have OCD do experience compulsions around cleanliness, many do not. 

You can be “a little OCD”

You either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or you don’t. It’s not something you can have “a little” or only experience once in a while - it’s a serious disorder that has a major impact on people’s lives. It can be frustrating for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to hear people who don’t deal with the distressing aspects of OCD claim to have the disorder just because they’re a little Type-A. 

OCD is a slight inconvenience or something to laugh about 

Everyone experiences things differently, but for many folks OCD is much more than a slight inconvenience, the way it’s portrayed on TV. OCD can be extremely debilitating and impact all areas of a person's life. OCD is not something to laugh about, even though it’s commonly played for a laugh on the screen. 

Statistics from the NIMH show that 50.6% of people with OCD had serious impairment, 34.8% of adults had moderate impairment, and 14.6% had mild impairment. It’s difficult to cope with a disorder that causes so much distress, and it can be upsetting to people with OCD to constantly see their struggle downplayed. 

Stress causes OCD

Some people believe that OCD pops up in moments of stress, and goes away when your stress level goes down. In fact, OCD is present with or without stress. Eliminating stress won’t make OCD go away, if you even can eliminate stress. Being a human is inherently stressful, so it’s going to be hard to be completely stress-free at all times. Like many mental health disorders, stress can exacerbate symptoms, but that doesn’t mean that the stress itself is causing the symptoms. 

There’s nothing you can do about having OCD

Since the seriousness of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is commonly misunderstood, many people believe there’s little to nothing that you can do about having OCD. In fact, OCD is very treatable. Therapy and medication are two of the ways that OCD can be treated. The therapy approaches that counselors typically use for people dealing with OCD include: 

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which helps the person confront the intrusive thoughts in a controlled environment.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can help you to identify negative patterns in your thinking and redirect your thoughts in more positive ways. 

Are you struggling with intrusive thoughts or other symptoms of OCD? Our clinicians at Hope+Wellness have experience supporting clients who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Contact us today for more information or to make an appointment! 

How Routines Can Support You in Tough Times

What does your day-to-day routine look like these days? 

Developing a routine that you enjoy might seem like tired old advice, but it’s a classic for a reason. Routines really do make a difference, especially during tough times. 

Whether you’re going through a stressful time in your work or personal life, or if there’s something upsetting happening in the news, a routine can help you stay grounded and help manage stress. 

Why are routines good for mental health? 

Routine can help you feel a sense of control and give you structure during times when you feel powerless or confused. When things are unpredictable or stressful, a routine can help anchor you and give you ways to take care of yourself. 

The holiday season is a great example. During the holidays, many people have to make plans to travel or host family members; find childcare, petcare, or house sitting services; find the cash to buy gifts for your friends and family; make time for work and personal celebrations; take time off work or cover shifts for people who are taking time off; and more, on top of everything else already on their plates. That’s stressful! It can be hard to get everything done that needs to be done while still taking care of yourself. 

Part of why routines are so supportive is that they become habitual. When something is a habit, it takes less brainpower to get it done, leaving your mind free to focus on other things. That can be a big help in tough times! 

What makes up a routine?

A routine is something that you do regularly, whether it’s on a daily, weekly, monthly basis (or another timeframe entirely). For the purposes of this post, we’re focusing on daily and weekly routines, which can help you more in day-to-day life. The things you add to your routine should be things that you know you can do, which can help build confidence and support your self-esteem. 

To develop a routine that supports your mental health in tough times, you don’t need to make drastic changes. Your routine should be unique to you and your needs. Some people might prefer a routine as simple as this: 

• Take medication

• Eat 3 meals and snack in between 

• Move your body

• Do something creative

• Go to sleep around the same time every day

There are some people who like to have their days planned down to the minute, but for some people that causes more stress than it relieves. However you structure your routine, it should work for you. 

Here are 3 ways routines can help support you in tough times:

Support your overall wellbeing

Routines can help support your mental health by making sure you’re meeting your needs, like taking your medication or making sure you have enough to eat. The small daily tasks that keep us functioning well can often be some of the first things to go during times of stress, and that make stress feel even worse. 

By following a routine that works for you, you’ll be able to meet your needs without having to focus too much time and energy on them. When your basic needs are met consistently, life is a lot less overwhelming. 

Give your days structure

A lack of structure can make dealing with things like depression or anxiety even more difficult. Our brains love to focus on the negative if we give them nothing else to do. This used to be helpful, when we were scanning around for threats as hunter-gatherers, but it’s less than helpful when the focus on the negative becomes all you can think about. 

Having structure in your day to day life can help you break out of the negative thinking patterns and focus on the things that are important to you. 

Provide comfort when you’re struggling

A routine is one aspect of a support system, and it can be a valuable piece of the puzzle. When you’re struggling, a routine can help you figure out exactly how you’ll get through each day. In tough times, you’re much more likely to be closer to the edge of your window of tolerance, and it takes less to get pushed over the edge. 

A routine can give you comfort in knowing that you have a plan. When life feels like it’s out of control, going through your daily routine can help you ground yourself and regain some sense of control back, even if it’s just on a personal level. 

Developing a routine that is supportive to you can take some time to find what works best for you. Working with a therapist can provide even more support during tough times. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment.